twinklybongle
Registered User
My 80 year old father was finally officially diagnosed with mixed dementia earlier this year, after about 6 years of this awful disease creeping up on him. He and my mother live in their own home, with no outside support, because my mother is very reluctant to tell anyone, or ask for help. She can hardly bring herself to use the D word. She is trying to keep my Dad to a daily routine, because if she wasn’t there to look after him, he couldn’t do much more for himself than use the toilet (and it’s a big positive that he can still do that). With prompting, it takes all morning to get himself showered and dressed, sometimes he’s in the bathroom for 3 hours. He gets very angry with her if she checks on him, which upsets her, and makes her anxious and frustrated. He has no short-term memory, just can’t understand why he needs prompting.
It has become the biggest issue in my Mum’s life, she spends every morning in a state of high anxiety (she is on medication for anxious depression), because she doesn’t know what he is actually doing in the bathroom and if he might hurt himself. Me and my siblings (who all live 2 hours journey away from my parents) have run out of ideas. She knows that asking him questions like “how are you doing” makes him furious, she finds it very difficult to give him diversionary instructions like “it’s time for breakfast” because she’s never “told” him what to do in 53 years of marriage! One thing we tried suggesting was that maybe it’s not that important for him to actually have a shower every day, but breaking that routine made my Dad even more confused than usual.
The team at the adult mental health centre where he was referred by my parents GP for diagnosis, advised my Mum not to make everything a battle, but that’s what every morning has become, and we don’t know how to help.
Does anyone have any ideas, please?
It has become the biggest issue in my Mum’s life, she spends every morning in a state of high anxiety (she is on medication for anxious depression), because she doesn’t know what he is actually doing in the bathroom and if he might hurt himself. Me and my siblings (who all live 2 hours journey away from my parents) have run out of ideas. She knows that asking him questions like “how are you doing” makes him furious, she finds it very difficult to give him diversionary instructions like “it’s time for breakfast” because she’s never “told” him what to do in 53 years of marriage! One thing we tried suggesting was that maybe it’s not that important for him to actually have a shower every day, but breaking that routine made my Dad even more confused than usual.
The team at the adult mental health centre where he was referred by my parents GP for diagnosis, advised my Mum not to make everything a battle, but that’s what every morning has become, and we don’t know how to help.
Does anyone have any ideas, please?