Hello everyone!
I'm new here and looking for some general advice please.
My dad (in his 70s) has been diagnosed with vascular dementia around 3 years ago following on from a series of strokes/TIAs starting around 7 years ago.
We had been coping as a family until around 1 year ago when both the physical symptoms and personality changes really started to worsen and we are now in the more advanced stages quite rapidly.
It is now at the stage where he is becoming physically and verbally aggressive towards my mum (in her 60s) as is incontinent of urine as well as urinating all over the bathroom floor, but rarely in the toilet itself. His speech is limited to a few words at the best of times, and the phrases he says aren't always making sense and he gets very frustrated when we try to help or don't understand him. He is very unsteady on his feet and cannot walk very far at all. He also sleeps so much during the day and wakes up at 3am ready to start the day. We have tried trying to encourage him not to sleep during the day but he becomes angry and no techniques we are trying seems to work.
I unfortunately live several hundred miles away and in a job that it is very difficult to take leave from. I try to be on the phone/video calls as much as possible but I'm scared it's getting to the point where we may have to consider carers or a care facility to keep my mum safe. Sadly our extended family hasn't been much help and seem to be avoiding us right now.
She understandably wants to do everything she can for him at home, but I am so scared she is going to get hurt. I know this is all due to the dementia and he would never mean to hurt her. With his words and actions she thinks he hates her which is heart-breaking.
I'm travelling up later this month to support them both for a couple of weeks however I can but I don't really know where to go from here.
Does anybody have any books or resources they would recommend in general? We're accessing all of the local support we can but sadly it's a very long process to get my mum and respite help or even get carers to come and do an initial assessment.
Whenever the idea of having folks for respite or carers it makes my dad very angry and he says he doesn't want strangers in the house, which I understand, but my mum can't cope alone and I'm not in a position where I can be there physically all the time.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense overall, we have just reached our breaking point as a family and I just feel heartbroken that the man who raised me, was in mensa and climbed mountains for fun is now struggling so much with so many things. Is there anything else we can be doing to better help him or understand him?
I'm new here and looking for some general advice please.
My dad (in his 70s) has been diagnosed with vascular dementia around 3 years ago following on from a series of strokes/TIAs starting around 7 years ago.
We had been coping as a family until around 1 year ago when both the physical symptoms and personality changes really started to worsen and we are now in the more advanced stages quite rapidly.
It is now at the stage where he is becoming physically and verbally aggressive towards my mum (in her 60s) as is incontinent of urine as well as urinating all over the bathroom floor, but rarely in the toilet itself. His speech is limited to a few words at the best of times, and the phrases he says aren't always making sense and he gets very frustrated when we try to help or don't understand him. He is very unsteady on his feet and cannot walk very far at all. He also sleeps so much during the day and wakes up at 3am ready to start the day. We have tried trying to encourage him not to sleep during the day but he becomes angry and no techniques we are trying seems to work.
I unfortunately live several hundred miles away and in a job that it is very difficult to take leave from. I try to be on the phone/video calls as much as possible but I'm scared it's getting to the point where we may have to consider carers or a care facility to keep my mum safe. Sadly our extended family hasn't been much help and seem to be avoiding us right now.
She understandably wants to do everything she can for him at home, but I am so scared she is going to get hurt. I know this is all due to the dementia and he would never mean to hurt her. With his words and actions she thinks he hates her which is heart-breaking.
I'm travelling up later this month to support them both for a couple of weeks however I can but I don't really know where to go from here.
Does anybody have any books or resources they would recommend in general? We're accessing all of the local support we can but sadly it's a very long process to get my mum and respite help or even get carers to come and do an initial assessment.
Whenever the idea of having folks for respite or carers it makes my dad very angry and he says he doesn't want strangers in the house, which I understand, but my mum can't cope alone and I'm not in a position where I can be there physically all the time.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense overall, we have just reached our breaking point as a family and I just feel heartbroken that the man who raised me, was in mensa and climbed mountains for fun is now struggling so much with so many things. Is there anything else we can be doing to better help him or understand him?