Hi I'm new here and would like to introduce myself . I'm Sandie , 43 and a single mum of 2 teens . I am bipolar and work full time . My step dad has recently been diagnosed with VasD and currently I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by it all . Myself and my step sister are both Powe or Attorney for my step dad but she lives at the other end of the country ( myself and her dad in scotland and her on the south coast of England ). She has no trust of me and has recently tried to have me removed as power of attorney by using my mental health against me . She has come up from England and taken possession of all his financial matters and I am not being allowed any info at all . My step dad is currently getting much worse but she is trying to normalise him and is putting words into his mouth to turn him against me and my aunty who are the only two people who are around him at any point . She even is suggesting he travels 25 miles on a bus to go to a club he's never been to in years and this has only ended up causing upset and confusion for him . She is doing nothing to help his care and it's being left up to me to make sure he is ok . I live five miles from him but don't drive and to get a bus to see him means a 2 hour journey as there is no direct route to the village he lives in . He's suddenly started to get much worse after having had his flu jab and has had a fall and knocked his head , his fits are getting much closer together and I feel I have nowhere to turn to for guidance , I have no idea of vascular dementia having never known anyone with it and sadly my step sister is non communicative with me about anything so I am finding it hard to go forward with anything as she just refuses point blank to work with me for her dads best interests . I lie awake at night worrying about him but she doesn't give a damn and it really saddens me that she's only after money and not about him having a comfortable life or trying to help him to achieve such . I do hope I've not rambled too much and excuse the rant ..but I'd also just like to say I'm so glad I have found somewhere that perhaps I can learn a lot more about the disease and how best to help him to maintain his independence yet keep him safe xx Thanks for reading xx
New to all of this and overwhelmed :(
- Thread starter redvixen
- Start date
Tell her it's her Dad too and if she doesn't start recognising everything your putting into helping him you'll walk and she can take him back to the south coast with her, see what she says to that. Funny how relatives are too far away to help but near enough to stick their nose in.
Rant over, ask her as she's in now charge of the money when she intends to draw up a care plan for him as it seems like it may be time to look at doing that and make sure she includes you out other than when it suits you, call her bluff a bit and don't be a doormat, I get the impression you're going to do all you can anyway but don't let her walk all over you.
What a liar I said rant over and carried on ranting
K
Rant over, ask her as she's in now charge of the money when she intends to draw up a care plan for him as it seems like it may be time to look at doing that and make sure she includes you out other than when it suits you, call her bluff a bit and don't be a doormat, I get the impression you're going to do all you can anyway but don't let her walk all over you.
What a liar I said rant over and carried on ranting
K
Hi redvixen, I wanted to say hello and welcome to TP. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation and that you're having trouble with your sister. Rest assured you are amongst friends here there are literally hundreds of people with experience, advice and support to give. Keep posting x
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point mobile app
Let your step sister get on with it, let her have the hassle and agro that being an attorney brings. let her deal with the finances.
Meanwhile get your step father assess, it sounds like he needs to be in a home for his own safety and your peace of mind.
Clearly she has no idea of his capabilities.
That will soon eat up his cash, then she'll be unlucky.
Look after your own interests too.
Meanwhile get your step father assess, it sounds like he needs to be in a home for his own safety and your peace of mind.
Clearly she has no idea of his capabilities.
That will soon eat up his cash, then she'll be unlucky.
Look after your own interests too.
I think trying to alienate a vulnerable person from their only carer(s) is an incredibly cruel thing to do and have seen it with first hand experience sadly.
Do you still have PoA - you say she tried not that she succeeded?
If you do have PoA she can't block you from the accounts.
I would call the Office of the Public Guardian to ask them for advice. They are extremely helpful, have seen it all before and don't charge.
http://www.justice.gov.uk/about/opg
Do you still have PoA - you say she tried not that she succeeded?
If you do have PoA she can't block you from the accounts.
I would call the Office of the Public Guardian to ask them for advice. They are extremely helpful, have seen it all before and don't charge.
http://www.justice.gov.uk/about/opg
Thanks for the warm welcome
Thanks everyone , it's so nice to find somewhere that there is so many understanding people. I have a solicitors appointment to try to get some advice as the CAB couldn't do much other than give me a list of lawyers . I did try to go through my step dads solicitor but she also tried to get me to step down from the position of PoA because my step sister had lied to her about me and said I was worse than I actually am with my bipolar . (I actually am a fully functioning adult with two teens and a full time job ) . Anyway she's tried to get me removed and she can't do it . I know I have rights I'm just unsure what rights I do have as PoA and my step sister has already removed items which were personal to my late mum which were of great sentimental value to me . Sadly my step dad is unaware of this and she has taken down family photos of myself and my kids again trying to alienate us all from him . She's doing this for money and no other reason as she knows my step dad has quite a lot of money . She's unaware of what is in his will though and so she will be sadly surprised when she discovers she's not in for what she thought she was . All of his money came from my mum and dad (my real dad ) in fact my step dad recieves a pension from my real dads work ...how this works or even if it is supposed to I'm not sure and it's something I want to question but she won't work with me so again I can't find out what I need to know . My brother was written out of the will because after my mum died he tried to say my step dad was not capable of managing his finances which wasn't the case at the time so naturally my step dad too umbridge to this and cut him out of the will . His daughter is trying to do the same with me yet she is the perfect daughter according to her and her husband who NEVER come to stay with him when they visit . They stay elsewhere and visit him for a few hours even tho they live so far away and there is a bedroom available for them to stay they prefer to stay elsewhere . He was taken into hospital one weekend and she said to me when I phone to tell her ...Oh good at least I can relax this weekend , as if she'd been running around after him for months on end or something when in fact she calls him on the phone once every week . ( well until I had a major blow at her and gave her a few home truths , sadly it did no good ) she calls twice a week now and hasn't even raised the issue of what is going to happen in the longer term if things are going the way they are ..he is deteriorating fast , he's 83 and she tries to pretend to herself that he is ok . She has suggested to him that he returns to a social club he used to attend when he drove . It's 25 miles away and would mean getting a red cross member or myself to go with him as there is no way he can go himself , shes' put that seed of thought into his head and now he goes on about going to get a bus because he doesn't need help . If she'd not planted that seed and had actually thought about the implications of it then he'd be much calmer . So sorry for this rant , I could go on all day but I won't lol . I'm just so glad to be able to get that off my chest , it's been building for a long time . She told me she knows all about Alzheimers ... I laughed at her because she has no idea that it's even a different thing to vascular dementia but it's not really funny as she could cause more damage to his mental health than she is already doing ....Thanks for reading xx
Thanks everyone , it's so nice to find somewhere that there is so many understanding people. I have a solicitors appointment to try to get some advice as the CAB couldn't do much other than give me a list of lawyers . I did try to go through my step dads solicitor but she also tried to get me to step down from the position of PoA because my step sister had lied to her about me and said I was worse than I actually am with my bipolar . (I actually am a fully functioning adult with two teens and a full time job ) . Anyway she's tried to get me removed and she can't do it . I know I have rights I'm just unsure what rights I do have as PoA and my step sister has already removed items which were personal to my late mum which were of great sentimental value to me . Sadly my step dad is unaware of this and she has taken down family photos of myself and my kids again trying to alienate us all from him . She's doing this for money and no other reason as she knows my step dad has quite a lot of money . She's unaware of what is in his will though and so she will be sadly surprised when she discovers she's not in for what she thought she was . All of his money came from my mum and dad (my real dad ) in fact my step dad recieves a pension from my real dads work ...how this works or even if it is supposed to I'm not sure and it's something I want to question but she won't work with me so again I can't find out what I need to know . My brother was written out of the will because after my mum died he tried to say my step dad was not capable of managing his finances which wasn't the case at the time so naturally my step dad too umbridge to this and cut him out of the will . His daughter is trying to do the same with me yet she is the perfect daughter according to her and her husband who NEVER come to stay with him when they visit . They stay elsewhere and visit him for a few hours even tho they live so far away and there is a bedroom available for them to stay they prefer to stay elsewhere . He was taken into hospital one weekend and she said to me when I phone to tell her ...Oh good at least I can relax this weekend , as if she'd been running around after him for months on end or something when in fact she calls him on the phone once every week . ( well until I had a major blow at her and gave her a few home truths , sadly it did no good ) she calls twice a week now and hasn't even raised the issue of what is going to happen in the longer term if things are going the way they are ..he is deteriorating fast , he's 83 and she tries to pretend to herself that he is ok . She has suggested to him that he returns to a social club he used to attend when he drove . It's 25 miles away and would mean getting a red cross member or myself to go with him as there is no way he can go himself , shes' put that seed of thought into his head and now he goes on about going to get a bus because he doesn't need help . If she'd not planted that seed and had actually thought about the implications of it then he'd be much calmer . So sorry for this rant , I could go on all day but I won't lol . I'm just so glad to be able to get that off my chest , it's been building for a long time . She told me she knows all about Alzheimers ... I laughed at her because she has no idea that it's even a different thing to vascular dementia but it's not really funny as she could cause more damage to his mental health than she is already doing ....Thanks for reading xx
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