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[Poppy is my name]

Hallo. Forgive me if I don't yet understand how this works...

Hallo. I'm a carer. It sounds a mad/false/ mistake to say those words. I'm finding it hard to accept it.

My partner has dementia and I'm living with the awfulness. I'm know others are having similar heartache/challenge/angst etc.

I'm ashamed to be complaining or blaming my partner but .... Sometimes things are grim...

I'm not looking for sympathy, but a place where I can be heard or get advice.

 

[canary]

Hello @Poppy is my name and welcome to the forum

I'm not looking for sympathy, but a place where I can be heard or get advice.

You have come to the right place then
We all understand what it is like and you can tell it as it is - there is no need for shame. Being a carer is bloomin' hard

 

[2ndAlto]

Welcome to the forum Poppy and we all understand this is a horrible place to be. It is hard not to feel resentful at times as you see the future you had envisioned just disappearing in a cloud of grief and anger and loneliness. Have you got POA and wills sorted out? Feel free to rant away on this forum, there is no judgement only help and understanding.

 

[special 1]

Hi there Poppy. Yes you are not alone out there. We understand how you will be feeling at times, as most of us feel and go through the same emotions every day. You may have some better days than others. I myself have a Husband with Dementia, he is 79 I am 72 and like you both our lives are being taken away bit by bit. No future at all. Just try and take 1 day at a time that is about all we can do. And no you are not looking for sympathy, you are looking to be heard and get some advice from what others are going through. Take care Big Hugs,😙😙

 

[TrishL]

Hello Poppy. I have sat here for an hour reading posts, looking for a kindred spirit. I am 72 and my husband is 80. He was diagnosed 8 years ago but, looking back, i think he was in decline for a few years before that. He still drives safely ( he says its the one thing he can still do right), but other abilities slip away. We have great days when we are a team who can laugh at the little problems, but we have very bad days as well, when he resents me and says I only make him feel bad about himself. He has alienated some friends by being what I call rude and what he calls honest. He has ten sisters and brothers but only one or two visit anymore.
Its the loneliness that I find so terribly hard. 99% of the time it is just the two of us. He reads the paper over and over again, watches the news and is continually surprised by the content. I try to involve him in decisions, but he defers to me and then calls me pushy. He seems to just want to sit and look out the window and doesn’t show much interest in what I have to say. I married a clever, sociable lovely man 44 years ago but he just isnt clever or sociable anymore. So Im lonely.
On bad days when he gets angry at some unintended slight, i sometimes feach out to friends for support but I don’t want to “use them up” because I know I will need them even more in the future.
it is lonely and sad. So I cant make you feel better but you are not alone, this forum tells us both otherwise.

 

[jac69]

Hi Popppy I feel your pain. I spent 2 hours at a police station yesterday because my husband said he wanted to go o the toilet but when he came out he said I wasn't there so wandered off. I searched for an hour back to the car park in the cafe we had lunch up and down streets then I called 101. As I was speaking to the call handler I saw a police man walking with a man who was my husband. So now we are both on the data base I felt like I'd attempted to murder him and they let me out on bail. They have all my personal info including my car make and reg no . I told them he will not be told or guided , if he chooses to do somthing he does it and I cant forcibly stop him because that would be abuse. I have had his bad behaviour for 1 year now I get about 2 hours sleep at night because he gets up and wanders. He says he doesnt want to go in a home and while he can make decisions they wont make him go into care So you are not alone and this forum is hear to listen/read your anguish and frustration sometimes it helps put it into perspective or even laugh at the situation in hindsight

 

[Izzy]

Welcome from me too @Poppy is my name.

You’ll see from the responses you’ve had so far that you’ve come to the right place. Nobody here will judge you. You’ll find understanding and support here.