new member

[christmas]

Hi l am Christmas a new member my husband Peter has Alzheimer's and I just don't know what to do. He has had it for 3 years but he won't admit it ,I cannot get anything sorted out he has always done everything ,my sister said I have to take charge but I don't want to upset him,please can anyone help me x

 

[chick1962]

Hello Christmas and welcome to TP my husband also has Alzheimer's and was diagnosed 3 years ago . Maybe your GP might be a good starting point and there are also some admiral nurses you could talk to in confidence?! I am sure more ppl on here will give you advice take care x


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[stanleypj]

Hello christmas, and welcome to TP.

You've come to the right place for help and support. I think almost everyone feels overwhelmed by dementia at some points and if you've been trying to cope for 3 years whilst your husband is in denial I'm not surprised that you feel the way you do.

Two places where you should be able to find someone who will talk through the problems with you:

http://www.dementiauk.org/information-support/admiral-nursing-direct/

Admiral nurses specialise in helping people like us and there is a direct phone line if there are no nurses in your area.

You can also talk to someone at your nearest Alzheimer's Society branch which you can find here:

http://alzheimers.org.uk/localinfo

You can also get more specific help right here. If post about the things that you are finding most hard you will find that people will come along with suggestions.

Take care

 

[sistermillicent]

I have a couple of suggestions.
If you are waiting for him to realise that he has dementia or trying to get him to understand or admit that he has then you are fighting a losing battle. Even if you tried and tried with him and he finally said that yes, he knew he wasn't ok any more and that you should take over what he had been doing, (and it is far more likely that it will end with a huge argument and storming out) chances are that the next day or even sooner he would have forgotten again.
Don't worry what your sister says, you can't just "take charge" it needs a bit of subterfuge.
Do you have power of attorney, that is really important. If not, it may be easiest if you let him think you are worried in case you get ill and he needs to have POA for you, and while you are at it you can do the forms for both of you, that's the sort of subterfuge I am thinking of here.
Try to intercept post so that you know what is going on and see if you can make it a gradual process. If there are any specific things that you need someone to help with it I am sure you will get some good answers here.

 

[bilslin]

Hi Christmas and welcome to TP. Looks like you've already had some great advice. Hope you get some help soon. Keep posting lindax

 

[christmas]

thank you

Hi thank you for all you advice it has made me feel better already just having ,someone to talk to. I am trying to stay positive but it's getting hard, I feel so sad for him.

 

[christmas]

sleeping

Hi my husband keeps going back to bed after breakfast till dinner he keeps saying he has a headache he has never had a bad head, Has this happened to anyone else this is worrying me has we are going away on holiday next week now I don't know if I have done the right thing taking him away. But he seemed ok now I am not so sure, I just don't know what I am doing ,until now I have been a lone ,do you think he is worrying about the holiday ,should I not go away anymore just keep him home. Thank God I found this it so helps me . Christmas

 

[stanleypj]

I'm sorry you are having to worry about the holiday. I know what this sort of thing is like. For what it's worth, the policy I've developed is to carry on doing 'normal' things until it becomes absolutely obvious that there's no point in continuing.

So I would definitely go on holiday as planned. When you get back, give yourself plenty of time to see if, on balance, you both got something from it before making any decisions about future holidays. If even some aspects go pretty well, you may find you get a sense of achievement. At worst, it's very unlikely that anything awful will happen.

If you are worried that the headaches are real, it would be worth getting him to the GP.

Take care

 

[Izzy]

I agree that you should still go on holiday. My husband sleeps lots but we still go on holiday. Every time I review and think long and hard about whether it will be the last time. If things don't work out for you this time you'll know it's time to stop. Could you take him to the GP about his headaches before you go away?

 

[christmas]

I'm sorry you are having to worry about the holiday. I know what this sort of thing is like. For what it's worth, the policy I've developed is to carry on doing 'normal' things until it becomes absolutely obvious that there's no point in continuing.

So I would definitely go on holiday as planned. When you get back, give yourself plenty of time to see if, on balance, you both got something from it before making any decisions about future holidays. If even some aspects go pretty well, you may find you get a sense of achievement. At worst, it's very unlikely that anything awful will happen.

If you are worried that the headaches are real, it would be worth getting him to the GP.

Take care

Thank you I feel so much better I will do what you say and see how he cope with it all x

 

[Trisha4]

I agree with the comments about continuing to do things until you can't. Then we may all be able to continue for a little longer with some support or some changes. It is difficult being responsible for everything when you are used to sharing responsibilities. I hope your holiday goes well.