New member

[Janey180]

Hi, I’m Jane and I’ve joined for support, advice and to vent.
My father has Alzheimers. My mum was his full time carer until 24/05/24 when she passed away suddenly. My family and I are trying to deal with losing my mum unexpectedly and caring for my father. My father doesn’t understand what’s happened with my mum.
It’s looking like my father is going to have to go into residential care. This is in his best interests but we are worried about how we are going to finance this.
My parents have a joint bank account but my father does not have the capacity to deal with the finances. No one in the family has power of attorney so the account cannot be accessed to pay any care fees or funeral costs.
Has anyone had a similar experience? Your advice would be welcomed.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Janey180.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. You might find it helpful to talk with someone on the Dementia Support Line -

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

There’s also information here about paying for care

Paying for care home fees in England

Paying for a care home can be expensive, but you may be eligible to financial help from your local authority. In some cases, you might be able to get financial support from the NHS.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Janey180 and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. This is a great place for all the things you are looking for ''support, advice and to vent.'' So I am glad you have found us.

I'm sorry to read about your Mum's very recent and sudden passing. Your emotions will very naturally be all over the place at the moment. I think too it would be wise to talk your situation through with the support line as has already been suggested.
With regard to your Dad not taking in what has happened to your Mum, sadly this is quite common. The brain is just not able to compute. I agree it just seems so cruel, but that's what this disease is.

 

[canary]

Hello @Janey180

Im so sorry to hear about your mum. It is hard to suddenly sort out care for someone with dementia at a time when you are grieving. My mum had to suddenly move into a carehome (although it was after a TIA, rather than because of bereavement) and no-one had POA, so someone had to apply to the Court of Protection for deputyship. Social Services told me that if I didnt want to do it, then they would do it, but I then wouldnt have any say in what happens, so I applied myself.

If your dad no longer has capacity to appoint anyone POA, then deputyship is the only way

Deputies: make decisions for someone who lacks capacity

How to become and act as a Court of Protection deputy - eligibility, responsibilities, how to apply, fees, supervision and when your deputyship ends.

www.gov.uk