new member

[Sandlee]

Hi my name is Sandy have just joined this forum, my husband was diagnosed with alzheimers last year. He gets very critical of me and gets angry for the least thing. He never does this in front of other people and treats me completely differently. Has anyone else noticed this and how do you handle it? Grateful for any advicd

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Sandlee and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your husband. This is not unusual behaviour for dementia. When other people are around he is making an effort (what is known as host mode) and it may seem to others that there's nothing wrong. He can't keep it up for long and, when back in the 'safety' of being alone with you, all the unpleasant traits return. It is often the person who is closest to and does the most for the person who gets the worst treatment. There's no easy solution, but knowing to expect it may help you to deal with it.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Sandlee and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your husband; as has already been said, you get the brunt of the unpleasant stuff, and it sounds like he is able to go into 'host' mode for other people. It's just being prepared for it really - easier said than done I know.
Members here really do want to help and have great understanding of the challenges of dementia. Use the forum to let off a bit of steam if you need to as well!

 

[Sandlee]

Hi @Sandlee and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your husband. This is not unusual behaviour for dementia. When other people are around he is making an effort (what is known as host mode) and it may seem to others that there's nothing wrong. He can't keep it up for long and, when back in the 'safety' of being alone with you, all the unpleasant traits return. It is often the person who is closest to and does the most for the person who gets the worst treatment. There's no easy solution, but knowing to expect it may help you to deal with it.

Thanks for the info

 

[Sandlee]

Hello @Sandlee and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your husband; as has already been said, you get the brunt of the unpleasant stuff, and it sounds like he is able to go into 'host' mode for other people. It's just being prepared for it really - easier said than done I know.
Members here really do want to help and have great understanding of the challenges of dementia. Use the forum to let off a bit of steam if you need to as well!

thanks for info and support

 

[Sandlee]

Hello @Sandlee and welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your husband; as has already been said, you get the brunt of the unpleasant stuff, and it sounds like he is able to go into 'host' mode for other people. It's just being prepared for it really - easier said than done I know.
Members here really do want to help and have great understanding of the challenges of dementia. Use the forum to let off a bit of steam if you need to as well!

Thanks for the support

 

[Sandlee]

Hi @Sandlee and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your husband. This is not unusual behaviour for dementia. When other people are around he is making an effort (what is known as host mode) and it may seem to others that there's nothing wrong. He can't keep it up for long and, when back in the 'safety' of being alone with you, all the unpleasant traits return. It is often the person who is closest to and does the most for the person who gets the worst treatment. There's no easy solution, but knowing to expect it may help you to deal with it.

thanks it sounds just like him

 

[Harky]

Hi @Sandlee , my wife goes into HOSTESS MODE regularly when we visit family. They thankfully know all the problems with dementia because when we visit she's fine. Sadly, on the way home from visits she totally goes to pieces once she leaves. I experienced the same thing with a word colleague a few years ago. When I met him I was sure he'd been misdiagnosed as on appearance, he was fine. I now realise he was in HOST MODE.

 

[Harky]

The other thing is, when they meet people she appears okish as she doesn't really communicate verbally and just nods her head and smiles.

 

[Sandlee]

Hi @Sandlee , my wife goes into HOSTESS MODE regularly when we visit family. They thankfully know all the problems with dementia because when we visit she's fine. Sadly, on the way home from visits she totally goes to pieces once she leaves. I experienced the same thing with a word colleague a few years ago. When I met him I was sure he'd been misdiagnosed as on appearance, he was fine. I now realise he was in HOST MODE.

Hi it is really weird, if anyone is here or we ho anywhere he is a completely different person. He doesn’t drive anymore and criticises me non stop when i drive. I must always agree with him. He has been diagnosed with early dementia, wonder how bad it will get.