1. magnalady

    magnalady Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    2
    somerset
    Hi..we are main carers for my mother in law, she has been living with us for over a year. I had hoped to care for her for all time but, it has now become clear this will not be possible.She has been diagnosed by the psychogeriatrition, attends a lovely local nursing home as a daycare resident 3 days a week and we are at the moment waiting for her to be assessed by a social worker re the 12 week disregard and her house can go on the market. The psychogeriatrition prescribed Aricept(Donepezil) 5 mgs but she seemed to get worse on it..it was increased to 10 mgs and she got even worse so it has now been reduced to 5mgs again and we will give it a go..the main problems are her mood swings and delusions, she can get verbally aggressive and it is bordering on psychical aggression now. She hides her belongings in the most bizzare places and frequently destroys precious personal belongings i.e jewellry ect and then accuses us of damaging/hiding her things. She seems to really dislike my husband..her son, and will not speak to him and leaves the room when he walks in. As you can imagine this has caused an atmosphere in the past, but I have managed to get him to realise it is not his "mum" but her condition that is showing through.I find it easier to cope because she is not my mum, I call her by her first name..not "mum", I can take one step back as it were and not enter her "box" hence I see a fuller picture and treat her as I would a patient..with kindness, respect and understanding but not get too emotionally involved. When she flies off in a mood about something that did not happen I find it easy to listen, comment briefly, change the subject and make an excuse to leave the room momentarily..I usually say.."I am just going to make the beds"..I must make them about 10 times a day!!;) Thank goodness for the internet..were we can talk openly about our feeling and know we are not alone. I often think, when we are having a particularly bad day..however rotten we feel, she must feel 10 times worse..and on top of that, she can not talk about it and get it off her chest..it must be a living hell. Saying that though, sometimes things get so bad we feel..what ever we do is wrong and it is a thankless task..caring..we say thing will get better when she has a place as a patient at the nursing home..but then..the guilt might kick in..could we have managed a bit longer?..time will tell. We plan to go away for a couple of weeks in November and we have found Respite for her..we will need it for sure....:eek:
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    Welcome to TP.

    All you describe in your post is familiar, and all we can do is share the burden by off loading to each other.

    It is a dreadful condition and heartbreaking to witness. However much we tell ourselves `it`s the illness`, it doesn`t make it easier.

    You are doing your best for your MIL and it`s good that one of you can remain objective.

    Does the NH she goes to for respite. take permanent residents, and will she be able to go there full time, eventually?

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  3. magnalady

    magnalady Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    2
    somerset
    Hi Sylvia..thanks for your welcome..unfortunately the nursing home she goes to 3 days a week do not do respite care but their "sister" home has a couple of rooms that need to be booked well in advance..the good thing is, both Matrons know each other so no need for two assessments. She is on the waiting list to go into the nursing home she attends 3 days a week but because it is such a good one and very popular there is a long waiting list..but..as you will know, when the time comes to fill the vacant bed..who knows, she may well be top of the list. It could be that other waiting families have either had the misfortune to of lost their loved one, (so no longer need the bed) or they have found some other nursing home sooner and it is the last thing on their mind to inform the home that they no longer need the place..here's hoping...:eek: how ever sad that may sound..you know what I mean?
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    Well at least you have good homes in mind, which is more than I can say for many.

    It`s a sensitive position to be in, waiting for a bed or a room, as you know you are waiting for someone to die. But the same applies to those waiting for organ transplants.

    You are doing your best. Keep strong.

    love xx
     
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    I would also like to welcome you to TP. sorry that you are having to go through this,but at TP you'll soon see, that your not alone, as many will relate to your post.I think that you are doing the right things, in way of management of your MIL's behaviour. It would be hard on your hubby seeing his mum like this I know when my hubby and I took over the care of his mother(alcoholic dementia)she could be very hostile towards him. My own mum has alz and recently went into a care home I didn't feel guilty as such, but I do feel a overwhelming feeling of sadness.I hope that you and hubby enjoy your time away. Take Care Taffy.
     

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