New member - concerned dad has dementia

[Neenbean]

Hi.
I'm looking for advice regarding my dad. He's nearly 70 and lives alone.
My sister and I have noticed that he's becoming more and more forgetful, and when I read the symptoms on this website, several were relevant to him.

He forgets people names, forgets very recent events (inc a harrowing family incident involving the police), doesn't join in group conversations (will just sit and listen) and is quite aggressive and short tempered.
He's recently moved, and I believe he still drives via his old house as he cant work out new routes from his new house even though we've lived in the same area for decades.
He's retired but volunteers at his old work.
He constantly repeats stories and tells us the same things over and over.
His wife died over 8 years ago, and his grief is prolonged but aggressive, like he's p***ed off with the world.
He's got poor hearing and we thought that he was missing conversation which is why he didn't understand what was going on or being said, but he's now got hearing aids but still doesn't seem to pick everything up.
He doesn't cook for himself, instead he eats out every day (we think this is why he's volunteering at his old work, so he can eat there)

Does it sound like we should have concerns?

He recently told us that he arrived home the other day to find the kettle was hot, like someone had been in the house, and it must have been a ghost. We guess he put the kettle on and just forgot. We find it baffling that he believes a ghost is more likely than him realising he'd forgotten doing it.

Any advice? Do we need to contact his dr? We don't want to worry our dad unnecessarily.

Thanks for reading, sorry for long post.

 

[mary2000]

Hello and welcome to TP.

I am sorry that I am not that well placed to give advice as I am still waiting for my husband to get a diagnosis but certainly from the sounds of it, it would be good for him to be seen by his GP. Is it possible for you to contact his GP beforehand to advise him of your concerns.

I know you will get lots of support and help on here as everyone is so friendly.

 

[Neenbean]

Thanks for your reply.
I mentioned to my sister about approaching the dr without my dads knowledge. I was wondering if they'd invite him in under the guise of him reaching 70?
Neither of us really want to admit it's happening I don't think. We both live close and he relies heavily on us, something like this would be such a huge responsibility.
I'll talk my sister again. I think there's no harm in contacting his dr?!

 

[canary]

Yes, I would go and see the GP. He/she will probably not be able to talk to you but can listen and put notes in his records. Alternatively you could write to him outlining your concerns, much like your post on here.
Bringing someone in for a "well mans" appointment is a well known ploy on here and most GPs are willing to do it.

 

[Neenbean]

Would his dr tell him I'd been in touch?!

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Neenbean
in your letter outline why you don't want the GP to tell your dad you have contacted them; your wishes should be respected
whether or not your dad has dementia, the GP has a duty to look to his welfare so hopefully will act on your concerns
best wishes to you all

 

[Jan69]

Thanks for your reply.
I mentioned to my sister about approaching the dr without my dads knowledge. I was wondering if they'd invite him in under the guise of him reaching 70?
Neither of us really want to admit it's happening I don't think. We both live close and he relies heavily on us, something like this would be such a huge responsibility.
I'll talk my sister again. I think there's no harm in contacting his dr?!

I had to get mum to the doctor's by telling her she was vitamin D deficient (she was but who isn't in England after the winter). While we were there he performed the mini mental health test (she passed) but things still were not right. We got her onto anti-depressants (helped a little) but at least she was then in a position where the doctor wanted to see her once a month. We've now been through the Addenbrookes test and been for a brain scan (diagnosis Tuesday). It's incredibly difficult to finally admit things are going wrong - I don't think I have yet even though mum talks about me in the third person when she's on the phone to me. I think a diagnosis is important (if heartbreaking) because you can start to access support after that.
I hope you are able to get your dad to the doctor's and wish you all my best
xx

 

[shamash]

Ghosts etc

I was interested in the original post by "neenbean" who says that his dad believes that a ghost is responsible for turning on the kettle.

My partner, who has not been officially diagnosed with dementia, also holds ghosts responsible for the various things around the house which seem to go missing on a regular basis.

Does anyone know if this belief in ghosts and such is a feature of dementia? Perhaps it could be some kind of defence mechanism.

 

[canary]

I was interested in the original post by "neenbean" who says that his dad believes that a ghost is responsible for turning on the kettle.

My partner, who has not been officially diagnosed with dementia, also holds ghosts responsible for the various things around the house which seem to go missing on a regular basis.

Does anyone know if this belief in ghosts and such is a feature of dementia? Perhaps it could be some kind of defence mechanism.

Hello shamash and welcome to Talking Point.

People who have dementia are frequently unable to understand that there is anything wrong with them. If you are literally unable to understand that that you have anything wrong with you then when things go missing, or are moved around then if it isnt you it must be something/someone else. It must be a relative who is sneaking around behind you, or there must be other people living in the house, or a neighbour breaking in, burglars, the FBI or even a ghost. Its the only thing that makes sense to people with dementia who are unable to understand that its actually them.