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new low point for dad


Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
For some time Dad has been losing sight of what a toilet looks like in his nursing home....a few months ago he was seen peeing into a fridge..well it is white and toilet sort of height....we were prepared that as part of this vile illness this can happen. The staff were very good about it. Stayed in hospital recently with dad for 10 days so had to steer him to the toilet away from basin...chair...etc many times.

Am in tears as I write this...why does this illness strip away every dignity...yesterday when I arrived at NH to visit dad I was told he had sat down on a dining room chair to do a poo. It took 3 staff to remove him to his room to clean him up...personal care has always been an issue for such a private man who still has slight awareness...so a few expletives were let out but fortunately he held back from lashing out. I feel so so sorry and sad for dad...I knew this may happen...one of the carers said she felt dad got feisty apart from not understanding because he may have still been able to feel embarassec. The staff were very good....didn't phase or shock them...just set about cleaning dad and chair.

Mum died suddenly a while ago..she would have been devastated to see such a dignified private person who rose to be a director of a national company have no control over where to do basic bodily functions. I know this affects a lot of you ..... if only other people would realise this is the reality of this vile illness.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
There`s nothing anyone can say to make it better, it`s a dreadful state to witness, especially when there is some awareness.

I can only say all who have experienced it feel just as you do and completely helpless. I must say it was a relief to me when my husband lost insight and ability at this level and was happy to rely on his carers.


Registered User
Apr 3, 2013
my dads still at home but is having much the same problem says he doesnt know where the toilet is we think he has peed in the bin and on his cd player when no ones there.He lives alone with carers 4 times a day but I feel that a care home is going to be sooner rather than later.Hate this awful illness wish he could just go to sleep.
sending hugs and understanding x


Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
This is what we fight against. Those on the outside see dementia as a memory problem whilst we on the inside know that memory is the least of the problems being experienced by someone living with dementia.

Like Grannie G I was so relieved when my husband lost insight to what was happening re personal care.


Registered User
Mar 19, 2012
My Dad was in the same state a couple of years ago, he did one in the middle of the back garden and the next door neighbours witnessed it from bedroom window, when mum saw what he had done she broke her heart,it's such a cruel disease, many people think Alzheimer's is simply forgetfulness and don't understand the true horror of the disease, I do feel for you, I wish I had advice to make things easier but there isn't anything, Dad eventually became totally incontinent and wore pull ups

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
In tears reading this thread - my OH is in similar situation - same things happening here. I am still looking after him at home but it is very hard, truly heartbreaking to see this quiet natured, reserved man who would be mortified if he fully understood what is happening.


Registered User
Apr 3, 2013
Just back from Dads and he has at some point peed in the kitchen bin I lifted the black bag to empty it and there was an awful smell and the bottom of the bin was swimming.While I was dealing with that he was shouting for 'the bottom drawer' I said what for the reply was I need a ****!! Think I might need to rethink him being at home:rolleyes:

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