New friends cropping up

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by kingybell, Mar 11, 2015.

  1. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    Over the past weeks I have noticed lots of names and numbers cropping up in my mil's diary and also people (we know) telling me they have given her lift to various places locally. She cannot recall any of the lifts or who the people are in her diary.

    Just today I saw the name Joan and a phone number written down so I decided to call.
    Spoke to a lovely older woman who had become friends with my mil over last few months. She knew lots of things about my mil and told me she had been waiting for her to call as they had promised to go for walk together. Mil never called andjoan was quite upset.
    I went to visit her and explained the dementia and something good has come out of this they are now walking partners.
    My mil hasn't a clue who Joan is.

    I suppose the point I'm getting at is how do I control who she gets in cars with and gives her number to. She's an extremely attractive woman ( looks about 46) and gets lots of men chatting her up I am scared they will take advantage of her. We were lucky with Joan but other people may not be so nice.
  2. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    Unless she has a permanent carer/companion you can't control anything. It's a very difficult situation because she is clearly very vulnerable
  3. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    She is but still not at a state where she needs care. Her long term memory is keeping her functioning relatively normally. I have told all the local shop keepers, the parents at my daughters school and our friends.
    Her short term memory and anything new before 2 yrs ago is none existent.
    She will talk to anyone and thinks because they engage with her they must know her. This is not always the case. Does anyone use the GPS technology available? What are your views?
  4. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    eastern USA
    Hello. There have been a few threads on the GPS tracking and other devices. I found one onscreen here, with internal links to other threads.
  5. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    If she is so social and keen on making friends, would she go to a Day Centre or a lunch club? Or a sitting service mighthelp? This would both keep her safe and fulfil her need for social interaction. If she just wanders around looking for people to talk to she places herself at risk.

    Talk to Social Services and ask for an assessment. They can also provide trackers and other gadgets through what is called telecare.
  6. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    I can't get her to go to day centres she has this perception that they are full of old ladies playing bingo. I think 'Joan' might be a god send though as she's in a walking group and wants to take her with her. She will do this because it'll make her slimmer.
    She will talk to anyone but attending anything organised indoors seems to fill her with dread. We get 'boring' or 'I'm not an old biddy' from her.
    I thought if Joan could go walking with her and wandering round the village that would be of benefit.
    Both my husband and I work full time and with a 5 yr old find it hard to keep tabs on her.
    I will call SS again and ask for some help. I'm so scared she's going to meet someone who will abuse her good nature and take her sexual comments as a come on.
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    Have you got P of A for her finances? I don't want to scaremonger here, but if she's making lots of new friends, there may be a danger of 'friends' who are out for the main chance, i.e. financial abuse.
  8. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    My husband is dealing with this. You are right we've discovered over £100,000 worth of debt so trying to get to the bottom of it.
  9. skaface

    skaface Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    My mum has a lovely old lady "Connie" from the Jehovah's Witnesses who visits her - in 2013 I even found Connie there on Christmas Day!

    Mum tells me now she never sees Connie, but I have found JW literature there from this month so I think she still does go around and it looks like someone has had a go at the jungle of the back garden. My mum's problem isn't so much the JWs as I'm quite pleased she has a friend who obviously cares about her (even though she complains about her) but the people she may or may not let into her home, which frightens the life out of me.

    Also my sister was a bit concerned that mum would sign away her house to the JW's (which she can't do as half the house belongs to my sister) or give them all her money, but she can't do that either as I've got her bank card (completely illegally I guess but she won't give me LPA).
  10. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    My mother wandered and talked with everybody. I really understand your worry. I used to call her cellphone very frequently to know what she was doing.
  11. Not so Rosy

    Not so Rosy Registered User

    Nov 30, 2013
    It all sounds a bit like my Dad.

    For probably about a year he almost had a secret life even though I visited multiple times a day.

    Little jobs got done round the house, turned out he was also going to the local pub each day and someone was bringing him home. Dads garden was trimmed and someone always beat me to putting the bins out.

    To this day I don't know who the people were, luckily we live in a very friendly caring village and I assume people knew I had a terminally ill husband at the time. Still scares me a bit who was going in and out of his house though.
  12. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    Makes you proud of your fellow humans doesn't it?:)
  13. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    It does. I'm happy there are decent people out there. Just been to the pharmacy and our lovely local pharmacist says he sees my mil at least once a week. He's also offered to pay for her blister packs himself for medication as her Dr doesn't subsidise them.
    He has known her 18 yrs and is gutted she has early onset dementia.

    I'm still worried about those people I don't know though.

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