Need advice about my Nan

[Davies89]

My lovely Nan has been diagnosed with dementia about 3 years ago not long after she gave up work, of late we have struggled which way to turn next unfortunately my Nan lives over 200 miles away, we have been trying desperately to get her closer to us, but much reluctance by her as she still sees her self as independent and lived in her little village for over 30 years, we found a warden controlled flat by us but she wouldn't accept it, she relies heavily on her neighbours and has constant reassurance off our family with up to 10 phone calls a day and we take a weekend a month to visit her and ask her to stay at ours for weeks at a time but the hussle and bussle of family life becomes to much for her, which Is why we try and visit her which we would love to be more but due to working full time and small children can be hard to do

Our main concerns are:
Carers they do a fantastic job and I can understand it will be hard but when we go down it seems to be all we do is clean her fridge out and try and get things in order rather than spending our time with her, the out of date food is really horrible, we are wondering are carers within there rights to clean her fridge or do we have to do it either way that's fine we are just concerned if she eats any of the out of date food it will make her really ill ( due to it mainly being meat)

At what point should we take control and make her move down for the good of her health and safety? But we don't want to upset her we just want her to be happy and safe we have tried to find a local group she could attend we're she live but had no joy which may give her a bit of independence and fun she must crave because all she seems to do is stay in the house.

Also how do we go about getting a more up to date assessment about her health due to I think we may be past the early stages now and maybe in the middle.

I think we just need a clear outline of what we can do for her to make her happy and safe.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and sorry for the long post x

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[Maldives13]

Hi Davies89. How lovely to hear you are worried about your Nan and obviously think an awful lot of her. Could you tell her how much you all miss her and need her to help you out? Sometimes we all need to be needed. As regards carers - if she is paying privately for them I confident they will do whatever you think best helps your nan. If they are being paid for by social services then their time is limited. In my experience most carers are wonderful and if they have time they will do anything to help.
Do let us know how it all goes and keep loving your nan like you do

 

[dilne]

Have you thought about getting a local cleaner in. She would be able to do the jobs that the carers don't have time for. She may already know your Mum and could give her some company as well. Maybe you have some friends there who could recommend someone trust worthy. Who would obviously be able to understand your Mum is suffering from AD.
Labels on the fridge and cupboards asking to please check dates and dispose of out of date items. If they have to open packets leave self seal bags with a pen for easy storage and write use by date on it. A gentle reminder in an obvious place can work wonders.

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[annie h]

Hi Davies89,
The key to getting the carers to give priority to the jobs they need to do is to get them written into the care plan. Obviously how much they can do depends on how long the visits are and funded visits can be very short. However, something like basic food rotation in the fridge is important because when the carers aren't there your Nan could help herself to out of date food in there - it's a basic health and safety issue. Ideally you would think of all the things you would like them to do and see which ones it would be possible to cover in the care plan. Once they are in there (a) any carer who comes in should be made aware which tasks need to be done and (b) you have a baseline against which you can assess the carers' performance and get in touch with the managers if standards are slipping.

The care plan will need to be updated as your Nan's condition worsens so it needs reviewing every few months. Hope this helps.

 

[Davies89]

Thank you for youre replies we do have a local cleaner who goes in but my Nan refuses to let her clean the fridge, she just says I'll do it later, we know first hand we've been there when she says it, but I Will ask my mom to contact the carers, I think she may listen to them more than a cleaner. So hopefully that can be resolved soon.
As for moving down we said oh Nan we need you down here to help us which she says ill come down to stop and 3 Times we've packed her stuff to come and live and after two days she has refused to stop and just says how much she misses house and quiet village, we managed to get her to stay for 3 weeks over Christmas but she just seemed so unhappy, as she was out of her comfort zone, we saw how irritated and upset she was and decided for her happiness it was best to let her go home, with support of carers,
Since then some incidents have occurred which we feel that if we can't find a better way to monitor her where she is we are going to have to move her but she's not happy at my mom's, is there anyway we can get her accommodation for when she comes down and stays for good, rather than into my mom's then New accommodation, but I'm not sure how possible that is while she's out if the our borough x


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[FifiMo]

Firstly, a big factor will be finances. Does she own her own home for example? Have you arranged for powers of attorney (LPAs)? There are two types - one for assets and finance and the other for health and welfare. These will give you the authority to officially help your nan as and when she becomes unable to do so for herself. These are the highest priority you have right now.

Is there a local church in the village? They often have loads of groups eg woman's guild that might suit your nan. There would be familiar faces there from around the village too. We also found that the church folks themselves can provide loads of support and can act as your ears and eyes when you are far away. Another thing to explore is whether there are any admiral nurses in your area. They provide a sort of sitting/visitor service so even if your mum doesn't fancy going out, someone could come round for a couple of hours for a cup of tea and a natter. Here is their website: http://www.dementiauk.org/information-support/admiral-nursing-direct/

As previously mentioned, the care plan is the vehicle to getting her fridge checked and anything else that might be dangerous to health. If it is not on there then the carers won't do it, particularly if they are short on time. Another alternative if there is food being wasted is to perhaps order some meals from the likes of Wiltshire Foods. When my mother had these, they used to carry the box in and load her freezer for her. They would also take away old meals that were out of date to avoid problems.

For potential accommodation for future use near you, then you could look for sheltered housing schemes - some are a lower level of facility with a warden there during the day - others are very assisted living with carers on the staff, facilities to dine, clubs, places to socialise, someone to do your laundry, that kind of thing. If you find somewhere you think might be suitable then ask them if they have rooms for visiting relatives and maybe look at your nan staying there for a couple of days so she can try the place out. From our experience with our mum, what you might find that she is just reluctant to move from the place that is familiar to her and it will take a crisis to arise for someone with authority (this is where the LPAs become necessary, if not, then social services could step in) to decide on her behalf where she is capable of living. The sad thing is that by the time the person has deteriorated to this point then other options like sheltered housing are normally no longer suitable and therefore a care home is what is needed. Looking back, we wish we had insisted on her going into a home much earlier as she loved it so much once she was there and she could have had this stress free living all along. Hey ho, we had to let her make her choices as long as she was able.

I hope you find a solution that helps everyone concerned.

Fiona

 

[Davies89]

Thank you my mom has got power of attorney, as she kept giving cold callers her bank details and was being ripped off thankfully that seems to have stopped happening now, we are going down in Easter so will pop in the church and ask if there's anything she can do like groups I think she would love that, and thank you for the link I will look into that as well,
We have briefly looked into sheltered housing, found somewhere lovely but people living in the area got priority obviously so she's been on waiting list for a year so far, we are just concerned with more phone calls off the carers of concern, the decision may be took away from us unfortunately, so may start looking for more alternative accounts this week x

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