Hi I'm terri and my mum had vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. She lives alone and now is very scared at night .she goes 3to 4 nights without sleep and it's making her ill .she has just told me she wants to go into a home is the a normal thing will the feeling pass or should we consider putting her in a home ?
My mum wants to go in a home
- Thread starter terri326
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Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @terri326.
Your mum has probably got to the stage where she needs people around her all the time to reassure and direct her. Most people with dementia at that stage talk about wanting to move in with family or long to go back to a past home from an earlier stage of life.
Have you looked at any care homes? They are not all alike so I'd go and have a look at a few and maybe book your mum in for a couple of weeks respite to see how she gets on. The only trouble with that is that if she hates it t might then be tricky to move her into care if and when she really needs it. This site Care Home UK is a useful place to start when you are looking. Reviews and reports can only tell you so much, you do need to go and look at them.
This is a very friendly and supportive place and I'm sure others will be along shortly with their ideas and suggestions.
Your mum has probably got to the stage where she needs people around her all the time to reassure and direct her. Most people with dementia at that stage talk about wanting to move in with family or long to go back to a past home from an earlier stage of life.
Have you looked at any care homes? They are not all alike so I'd go and have a look at a few and maybe book your mum in for a couple of weeks respite to see how she gets on. The only trouble with that is that if she hates it t might then be tricky to move her into care if and when she really needs it. This site Care Home UK is a useful place to start when you are looking. Reviews and reports can only tell you so much, you do need to go and look at them.
This is a very friendly and supportive place and I'm sure others will be along shortly with their ideas and suggestions.
My grandmother didn`t have dementia but she recognised a time when she knew she needed more than we could give her. She also told me she wanted to go in a home.
@terri326 Your mother has an inbuilt sense of what she needs, dementia or not. If she is feeling vulnerable, I would respect her wishes.
@terri326 Your mother has an inbuilt sense of what she needs, dementia or not. If she is feeling vulnerable, I would respect her wishes.
I agree with last post I wish my mother would go in a home. She is also scared at night. She has carers and I am here for a bit bit will need to move into my new place at some point. I worry about it all the time and I am at the end of my tether mum needs constant prompting and people round her but she does not want to go into a home but it may just have to happen.
Hi @terri326 , my mum asked to go into a home after living with 24/7 carers for a year during all the lockdowns. She hated having them in her home but had no family near by and no ability to care for herself. So once it was safe to do so I moved her into a lovely home near to me and she loved it , it was the best decision we ever made. Whilst my mum lacked financial capacity she still knew what she wanted and I’m glad I listened to her at that point ( she also very conveniently said it in front of a social worker). So it worked for us and we had discussed it on other occasions. You know your mum best but I would say jump at the chance or maybe try respite first , this opportunity may not come again and she may fight it.
Hi @terri326: agree with what a couple of the others say.
It would be a good idea to try to find a home for your mum whilst she is still receptive to the idea.
Just one thing I would say. Try to look at it in a positive way. You are not “putting her into a home” you are following her wishes . Good luck.
My mum has been much less anxious/frightened/depressed since being in her home. She seems to find it reassuring to have people around all the time and nearly always has a smile for anyone coming by who interacts with her. Don't fear it, just find one which you feel is right - look at how the carers are with the residents to get a feel for whether the care is good. And maybe ask around - can anyone local to you offer any information on the ones near you.
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