My lady friend of 85 has been in a Care Home in Surrey since the end of last October. I visit her about once week as the Care Home is some half an hour drive from my house. Bar about two visits every time she says that she wants to come home with me. The conversation on this topic is started by her. It goes something like this. Where is your car and I say in the front of the building. She says let go. I say that I cannot do it and you need to speak to the Manager and your younger daughter who lives in Northern Ireland. Her other two children live there. She even asked me to go to her bedroom on another occasion and started to put her coat on and pack her bag. She gets very annoyed with me when I say that I cannot take her to my home and follows it up by saying most times I do not want you here go home. The biggest concern is if she did come to my home she may say I am not returning to the Care Home and then what would one do. I presume some Homes allow their residents to have say possibly two nights away for a change of scene but dependant on their condition. What are other peoples experience in dealing with this situation.
Persistence requests to go home on visits to see lady friend in Care Home
- Thread starter Mischief
- Start date
It is very common for people with dementia to ask to go home, however the home they mean might not be the home you are thinking of she could well mean a childhood home or another place of comfort.
My advice would be to change the subject , don’t tell her your car is anywhere near by and definitely do not take her to your home whilst she is feeling like this. Is there a DOLS in place? If so the are home will probably not allow visits to your home,over night or otherwise.
My advice would be to change the subject , don’t tell her your car is anywhere near by and definitely do not take her to your home whilst she is feeling like this. Is there a DOLS in place? If so the are home will probably not allow visits to your home,over night or otherwise.
Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @Mischief. Wanting to go home is so common with people with dementia. Your lady friend is probably thinking that if she left the home she'd be better, not realising that it's her dementia causing the confusion not where she is living.
My mum was the same, and I would try to deflect her requests by saying things like when the weather is better, or I can't today maybe later in the week. Is there another area of the home you can go to. Mum quite often thought she'd been out when he took the lift and went to the downstairs coffee bar or out into the garden.
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired is a very useful thread that may give you some tips on how to answer tricky questions.
My mum was the same, and I would try to deflect her requests by saying things like when the weather is better, or I can't today maybe later in the week. Is there another area of the home you can go to. Mum quite often thought she'd been out when he took the lift and went to the downstairs coffee bar or out into the garden.
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired is a very useful thread that may give you some tips on how to answer tricky questions.
This scenario is quite normal for a person with dementia in a care home. Don't take her to your home, there's no guarantee she will want to go back and even if she did, she will demand these trips out again. Just deflect by saying. ....weather's not good, car's broken down, I've got another appointment, I've got decorator in etc. You get the idea
