My Mum is killing me..........

[jenniferpa]

Hi christy and welcome to Talking Point.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It's up to you, but you might get more responses if you post your own thread. On the other hand, sometimes adding to a thread can be easier. Entirely your choice.

 

[susanne1964]

ANG: Here was I sitting and moaning tonight about the hard time I was going through and your thread has made me realize that actually I am not alone and you are not alone believe me. You are incredible I could not live my dad (god forgive me I would give him the chemical cosh myself...... only joking )

You sound a lovely kind hearted person who has put her own demons aside to look after her "mum", and like I have been told (in the nicest possible way of course ) you 'now need to look after yourself. .... I have been there believe me but I will not let my childhood get in the way of my adulthood, I refuse to, I will not let it eat me away so....Get yourself out there in the little spare time you have and blinkin live your life sweetie cos you are only here once.......

The Alzheimer can get the inflicted but what about the ones that look after them, we need head space without feeling guilty and that is one thing the last couple of days on TP has taught me..

take care
Sue
xx

 

[Ang57]

I'm Still Doing Well!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi ladies, and Kal D, Suzanne and Christy.........

My update is that I've never managed to get out dancing because every time I'm due to go Mum miraculously feels ill........... so I've given up on going out in the evening when she clearly doesn't want me to, even though she claims that she doesn't mind. So, being determined not to give up on something for me, I had a re-think.....

Recently, in one of her many 'silent treatment' episodes, Mum decided to ask her friend to take over much of what I have been doing for her each day, running her around in the car Monday to Friday to visit Dad at the home, and her hairdressers etc. She still allows me to take her to all of her medical appointments though, and I'm always around for any visits from professionals. I know she thought she was punishing me, and that she hasn't realised it's setting me free for 'me time'.

So, I thought that since I cannot get out in the evenings without feeling guilty, I will get out lots during the daytime while Mum is out...... but all of my friends work, so I was left wondering what I could do during the daytime when I am free.

So after a lot of thought, 2 weeks tomorrow, I got myself a puppy and she will be the answer to all of my prayers. From the day I got Sparkle, I have not felt remotely lonely or isolated, she is a complete and utter joy and takes the focus for me from Mum!!!! And as soon as I can take her out, I'll be walking her in the huge and beautiful park close to my home when Mum is out every day..... Sparkle has literally turned my life around in less than two weeks, I look forward to my days and evenings, my baby girl gives me a reason to wake up every day!!!! She is just what the doctor would have ordered!!!

So, I'm feeling better than ever!!!

And so much of that is due to the wonderful support on this site. Everyone who have replied to my original post made the difference between my feeling like I had nothing left to live for, to giving me much needed 'hope', and I can never thank everyone enough, yet again (this is becoming a habit... ha ha), this still and always will be from my heart.

Hugs to all as always Ang xxxxxx

 

[Ang57]

Ps......................................

I start my counselling next Tuesday for 6 weeks to begin with, and start my dementia awareness course a week on Wednesday for a few weeks.........

ALL IS WONDERFUL!!!!!! I'M A HAPPY BUNNY!!!!!!

 

[Chemmy]

Hi Ang

Thanks so much for letting us know how you're getting on - I'm sure it's been really helpful for others to see that there is a way out of such despair. Keep us posted on the counselling course as that will be of interest too.

Sparkle sounds wonderful. How does your mum get on with her?

 

[Ang57]

Hi Chemmy

Mum loves animals, obviously she wouldn't want to have to look after a puppy, or my Persian cat Chico who is 6 now, but she does appreciate having them around, so all is well. I do have to keep Sparkle out of the way of Mum when she is too excited so that she doesn't trip Mum up, but that is the only thing that I have to watch out for.

I will let you know how I get on with the counselling, the first appointment is just for the councillor to run through a few things with me, and the following week the counselling will begin.

Take care

 

[Glamour Puss]

you are worth more than this

if you can move out and get your own life,in a very similar situation myself

 

[Ang57]

Hi Glamour Puss

I don't want to move out. I just want to make life as harmonious as possible for all three of us. I would feed very guilty if I left Mum and Dad to fend for themselves, because they cannot.... and rightly or wrongly I feel responsible. Also, gone are the days that I felt trapped, alone and vulnerable....... thanks to this site and the wonderful people on it, I'm beginning to enjoy life again, by taking the advise offered with concern....

Plus, I've always been one of life's givers, and at 54 I know I cannot change now.

I'm sorry that you are in a similar position, and I sincerely pray that you do not feel as I did when I first posted this string......... but if you do.... please let us all know and I am positive that you will get more support than you could ever wish for!!!

Please post to me again to let me know how you are feeling right now???? Help is on this site if you just pour your heart and thoughts out. I'm the living proof.......

Take care xx

 

[Glamour Puss]

Sorry did not with to be unkind !

I am 49 going 50. I cared for my Dad since I was 11 years old, he passed away in 1995 the same year I met my partner Mike.I have been clinically depressed since then. My father had the good sense to leave me the house,with my Mum as a sitting tennant for as long as she wishes. My mother will not let me keep a pet and when I asked to get a kitten she threatened to drown it.

I work full time, my half-sister lives two doors away, but her husband has cancer and she is 70.

I am my own person, I will not give up my job and my life to run around after my demented mother who has treated me like a child for years. I loved my Dad much more than my Mum and there it is. Dad treated me as an intelligent woman and not a slave. The last straw has been the threat of physical violence. I have my own health issues.

I am sorry if this seems harsh, but in the words of Mick Jagger "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime,you might find,you get what you need

Have you ever seen the old film "Now Voyager" with Bette Davis ?