My Mother Died
To everyone who sent message'
Thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and the sympathy that you have all shown. You will never know how much your words of comfort mean to me.
I know what I am going through is not unique to me, and I do truly sympathise with everyone in this same boat with me. Part of why I feel so bad is that whilst alive, I had looked after her for ten years since Dad died. My Husband and I really gave up our own lives to care for her. My three sons helped when they could and in her last weeks two of them spent every minute with me helping to care for her. The only bits they didn’t do was the very personal things. They were like my rocks and I am so very proud of them. I did everything I could for Mum, and yet when she died I could not protect her from the system. She suffered so much in that last three weeks with me begging for help, begging for someone to take her pain away, and being told by Doctors,
(1) “No I can’t come out, give her an aspirin for the pain”.
(2) “Put another pain patch on her and I’ll call you tomorrow”.
(3) “No the hospice doesn’t deal with Altzheimers patient they only help aids and cancer patients. ( and yet he works with the hospice nurses))”.
Our family Doctor left her to die like a dog, and if it wasn’t for a district Nurse happening upon our plight Mum would have died in terrible pain. She was appalled when she saw what Mum and we had been going through. She contacted the local hospice who descended upon us like angels after three weeks of hell. Mum only had pain relief for two and half hours, but she died peacefully, with love all around her.
The other part of my grief is that on top of all this,I phoned my sister in Australia to tell her Mum was dying and she was suffering could she come and help. I explained every time I have to move her she was in terrible pain, and although the boys were there trying to help in those moments when she had to be moved another female would ease her pain. My sister first wanted to know “What do you want me to give up my life here, to come and support you. My Husband would not like me to be away for six months, she ask me what I would do if I were in her shoes. I said I would be on the first plane over to help my Mother”, of course this upset her, and needless to say she did not come to help. But she did say she would come over when Mum died, because she felt she could say her good byes better then. Then she phoned my brother to tell him I had been nasty to her on the phone. Mum died and she came over. We, the whole family did not say how hurt we were for poor Mum, how we felt she had let her down when she needed her two daughters most, we kept everything on an even keel, putting our grieving to one side for the month. Well my sister had a lovely month long holiday, did lots of shopping and took lots of photographs of the family and went back today saying she loved me very much. These factors are what have left me feeling I’d been in a war zone. But you are all right when you say talking makes it a little better. Thanks for hearing me, I am really grateful for you all. Gee