My lovely husband died

[Tsarina]

My husband died on 20/8/23 in hospital. I was with him at the end, it was as if he was waiting for me. He had advanced dementia and lived in a nursing home. He died of COPD respiratory failure. Yes, he did smoke back in the day and that may have caused it according to some dubious meaning people but I don’t find it helpful to apportion blame.
I miss him so much, he was my purpose in life and I don’t know what I’ll do without him. I don’t think I lost him a long time ago to dementia, I just loved the new man he became. There’s only the two of us, no relatives and most friends have died. I feel ok one minute and crumbling the next. I just feel so numb. I’m

 

[kindred]

I am so so sorry for your loss. He sounds such a good man.
Please post as often as you can to keep in touch with us.
Warmest, Kindred

 

[GillP]

@Tsarina , sincere condolences. I hope you find some solace in knowing he is at peace. Try to look after yourself x

 

[LyndaR]

So sorry to hear your sad news. I too recently lost my lovely husband, and even 4 weeks later the pain is overwhelming sometimes. I cared for him for so long and the days are so empty now. Give yourself time to grieve and post your feelings here.
I have found others kind words to be a help. Take care of yourself.

 

[Anthoula]

So very sorry to read of your loss. May the special memories you shared sustain you through future days.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @Tsarina.

This is lovely -

I don’t think I lost him a long time ago to dementia, I just loved the new man he became.

I hope you continue to use the forum as you find continued understanding and support here.

Wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.

 

[Tsarina]

Thank you for your kind words. I’m not a religious woman but something’s worrying me a bit. When I sat with my husband before he died, I told him his mom would look after him(his mom died long ago but he asked for her a lot when he had dementia)
But as he had dementia ,will he recognise her? I just think he maybe lost and can’t find her. Sorry if that sounds a bit nutty perhaps I’m overthinking things.

 

[Jale]

Sincere condolences for your loss of your Husband. No it doesn't sound nutty at all, I like to think that when our loved ones pass their bodies and minds are healed. Take care x

 

[Tsarina]

Thanks Jale - I’d like to think he’s free of all illness and is at peace and happy.

 

[LynneMcV]

My condolences @Tsarina - I am glad you were able to be by your husband's side at the end, that was something which brought me comfort when the time came . Wishing you peace and strength at such a traumatic time.

 

[Veritas]

Thank you for your kind words. I’m not a religious woman but something’s worrying me a bit. When I sat with my husband before he died, I told him his mom would look after him(his mom died long ago but he asked for her a lot when he had dementia)
But as he had dementia ,will he recognise her? I just think he maybe lost and can’t find her. Sorry if that sounds a bit nutty perhaps I’m overthinking things.

He isn't lost now. On whatever level it happens, they will find each other. I hope you can take comfort from knowing that you did everything you could have done to help him. My condolences to you -

 

[Tonyjoe]

My wife passed away 14 weeks ago. After 4 years of Alzheimers she died of neumonia and resp. failure. I miss her every day, but she's no longer in pain or torment, and i am thankful that she passed before me, I couldn't bear to think of her living somewhere alone. I loved her too much for that.

To deal with the loneliness I've joined a walking group run bu U3a, they run lots of clubs, you might find one you like I've also started voluntary work for our local community. Both help in a small way.

I don't know when this awful feeing of loss stops, maybe it never will. But my beautiful, lovely pre dementia wife would not want me to stop, she would tell me life is to be lived.
I also believe that on the other side shes happy, surrounded by those she loved, and with our cats and dogs who went before her
I also think she's free of her alzheimers, and is the lovely bright, intelligent and caring person I was married to for so long.

 

[mojogirl]

My husband died on 20/8/23 in hospital. I was with him at the end, it was as if he was waiting for me. He had advanced dementia and lived in a nursing home. He died of COPD respiratory failure. Yes, he did smoke back in the day and that may have caused it according to some dubious meaning people but I don’t find it helpful to apportion blame.
I miss him so much, he was my purpose in life and I don’t know what I’ll do without him. I don’t think I lost him a long time ago to dementia, I just loved the new man he became. There’s only the two of us, no relatives and most friends have died. I feel ok one minute and crumbling the next. I just feel so numb. I’m

 

[mojogirl]

hi Tsarina

my condolences to you...i totally understand how you are feeling...i lost my husband 1 year ago...and i am still lost...it takes a long time...its hard to find meaning in life and purpose...when everything was wrapped around caretaking etc...i think its important to find just one thing to do just for yourself...and a year in i am only beginning that daunting process..so no timeframe on mourning...just do what you have to do...i know i have gone 2 steps forward and 6 back...just know we are all here for each other and understand...and agreed its not helpful to blame alzheimers on smoking...no one knows what causes it...if you do a google search...you get all sorts of answers that are totally bogus

 

[Origano]

Hallo tsarina, I think your comment that you loved the new man your husband had become with dementia, is so insightful and sums up so much about this awful disease. I spend hours sitting with my husband talking to him and I think just his very presence now is so strong and comforting, it must be enough for me. For the future I hope you can find peace and happiness.