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My husband was diagnosed yesterday with Alzheimer's

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Jean1234, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    254
    After six years of knowing something was getting steadily wrong we finally saw a Doctor yesterday who confirmed my worse fears. You'd think that as I already suspected what was happening that I wouldn't be so shaken and upset by the diagnosis but I feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under me. I keep crying and I mustn't let my husband see this. I've seen what this does to people as both his Mother and elder sister had this disease. I'm not asking any question just needed to speak to someone.
     
  2. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I think it's hearing the cold truth that makes us crumble inside. As well as that, you're trying to be stoic for your hubby's sake, and TP is the place where you don't have to be. There's a possibility that your hubby's "journey" won't be the same as his Mother's and sister's were, but I can really understand why you need to speak to someone.

    Everyone here understands, and will do whatever they can to support you. xxx
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,563
    Female
    South coast
    Im so sorry Jean. However much you are expecting this it always comes as a shock.

    As someone said to me - nothing has actually changed, you just have a label now.
    I think maybe now is the time to get things like POA and wills sorted out, if you havent already. Perhaps you might like to find out what is available locally like dementia cafes, coffee mornings etc so that you can start to build up a network of support. Keep posting on here - I have found a tremendous amount of support and learned so much from this site.

    Hang on in there.
     
  4. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    254
    Thank you

    It was so lovely to get a reply. Thank you.
     
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Please look on the members of TP as your cyber friends. I had so much support from everyone, far more than I had from Real Life friends, and nobody judges you either.

    To make you feel extra welcome, I'm sending one of my special cyber cakes, together with a huge bouquet of cyber flowers - and a hug :) xxx
     
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Hi Jean
    Post and tell us what you're thinking we all had a day like yours once in our life, the day it became Official, Diagnosis Day, call it what you will, we've all been there and there is life the other side.
    K
     
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hello Jean welcome to TP, keep coming back you'll get lots of support and no-one is judgemental. xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  8. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    Hi Jean

    It is devastating isn't it but once you Come to terms with it , you'll realise that nothing's really changed. You aren't going to wake up in the morning and find that he's changed overnight. It's quite a slow journey ....dementia.

    So my advice is make the most of every day. Enjoy them to the full!

    I joined TP when my husband was first diagnosed and found that I really wasn't ready for some of the posts. Some of the people here are looking after OHs who may be in quite advanced stages of the disease. It can be quite worrying so I only used to look in every now and again.

    I've now come to terms with it. I understand that every dementia journey is different so I can now read the posts and think about them objectively and not spends hours thinking.....how am I going to cope with that? So don't worry if you feel that way too. It will pass with time.

    Sort out your attendance allowance and carers allowance if you can too.
     
  9. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    Hi Jean
    You are not alone I cried at the drop of a hat once my hubby had his diagnosis. I was still working and could self refer to a counsellor through a scheme my employers had. It helped to just go and sob to a stranger and say all the things I couldn't share with my OH as he didn't want to discuss it. It gave me a safe place to cry where you didn't have to put a face on. If you think this might help you the alzheimer's society can normally put you in touch with someone.
    I also found sorting out the practical things such as POA helped to.
    Sending hugs x
     
  10. IanDB

    IanDB Registered User

    Sep 16, 2015
    13
    Southport
    Hi Jean
    As others have said, having your suspicions confirmed is a horrible moment, and we all understand how alone you will be feeling right now. Trying to remain strong & matter-of-fact for your partner and family is terribly difficult, which is why it is so important to have somewhere like TP where you know that you can express your fear/anger/sorrow etc in a relatively anonymous way, and receive sympathy & advice from people who really understand what you are going through.
    Hugs & best wishes
    Ian
     
  11. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,659
    North West
    Yes Jean. You've joined TP at a time when you really need all it has to offer and people who understand how you feel. It makes such a difference to see all the evidence that life after diagnosis is not by any means all doom and gloom. And, as someone has already said, you and your husband haven't actually changed since the diagnosis.
     
  12. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    254
    I am much calmer today

    Thank you everyone for your support. I feel much calmer today because I feel there is some where to go to talk about it. We don't have any family close by and I was feeling so alone. I don't now because I know I can come on here. :)
     
  13. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    Hi Jean
    I felt like you do and completely understand. As others have said, we all find, and hopefully give, comfort and understanding on TP. I turn to TP friends when I feel alone, which I think happens to all of us at times on this journey.
    I look forward to getting to know you better. Pat x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  14. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,425
    Male
    Cornwall
    Hello Jean obviously you will get of lot of support on T.P and information on various types of Dementia and how people with the Dementia there health declines and the memory gets worse but that Not always the case we have several members here on T.P would write great threads and live quite an active life doing various type of actives and thousands more with dementia living full active lives but are not T.P members , my own way of dealing with the Dementia and I was diagnosed 16 years ago is to always be positive remembering were only here once so no point in being negative and waiting for the final days they will come soon enough for sure
    p.s this only my own views
    ( sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes remember I have dementia )
     
  15. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    483
    Essex
    {{{Jean}}} It is shock to the system once it is finally confirmed. Not sure where you are located but there is bound to be a local Alzheimers branch there and it is well worth phoning them as they can give you lots of info as to what is available locally and if you have a Memory Cafe, it is well worth a visit to meet with other carers so you don't feel quite so alone.
     
  16. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,476
    London
    Hi Jean I think all of us hear on TP know how you feel even when you know something is wrong it hits you hard when you get the official diagnosis I remember being devastated I wish I had found this forum earlier the support on here has helped me so much in the last few months sending a big hug xx
     
  17. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    Like everyone else has said, despite all the suspicions and noting of strange behaviour for ages beforehand, actually being told that yes, it's Alzheimer's, or some other form of dementia, is absolutely like receiving a punch in the gut. It's really horrible. I cried for ages after dad told me my mam had Alzheimer's. Because the confirmation came when there were also other things going on in my life, I had a bit of an emotional meltdown.

    I'm so glad you feel less alone now, Jean. TP has been a lifeline to me and its lovely members have supported me when I didn't know which way to turn.

    Welcome xx
     
  18. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Its good to know you found TP and all the support and experience is here!

    In a post above it has been mentioned about local AS branches. This link will help you to find your nearest branch. Don't be put off if it seems some distance away as most hold local support groups. For me TP was very special but also I found the dementia cafe's run by the local branch extremely helpful. They took the form of coffee mornings, bar snacks or general meetings. It was a way of making friends, getting support and local knowledge - invaluable to me.

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/s...D=200121&_ga=1.194767466.654302948.1436424858

    Please keep posting and especially if you have any special difficulties - there is nearly always someone who has experienced something similar.
     
  19. Aussie66

    Aussie66 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2015
    2
    Get help

    Never be afraid to ask for help. I put it of and it began to affect my health my husband now has 1 day a week at a day centre and although I felt horrible the first time I left him he enjoyed it and I can get a lot done.
     
  20. Botanic

    Botanic Registered User

    Mar 3, 2014
    4
    London, SW
    TP is a great help

    Sorry to hear of your news Jean.
    I found TP after my Dad was diagnosed and deteriorated after my Mum's death. TP was great for getting honest, kind, supportive answers and advice.
    You are always much stronger with friends around you for support and everyone on TP will be there for you if or when you need it.
    All the Best
     

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