My husband is 67 has alzheimers

Bevhar

Registered User
Mar 23, 2023
83
0
I would agree with the other people who have replied to this thread. Do give the various social activities in your area a try. In our case, our three children were very supportive of my doing so. I was just a bit concerned about how my husband, who has Alzheimer’s, would respond if the other people with Alzheimer’s were very much more severely affected than he was. I needn’t have worried as this has not been an issue.

We are still in the early stages of trying out the activities available. We’ve been to a memory cafe and met some lovely people there. We’ve also been to an activities day run by Alive. Both were very enjoyable and supportive. So far we haven’t tried tea dances or a singing group. They don’t appeal so much to us.

I did think about a Men’s Shed but wasn’t sure it would be safe for my husband with things like lathes around. He’d potentially be a bit too keen and was never a DIYer. There are also opportunities for gardening but I’m not sure that would suit my husband either. Again, he’d be a little to keen to hack everything back.

I do think that everyone’s different and different activities will suit different people. Just try what’s available and stick with what suits you.

My husband also especially enjoys going out for lunch so we often do this. We have places we go to where the staff have got to know him and have a laugh with him.

I hope you find some activities that suit you. When we first went, I felt it was very much for my husband’s benefit but actually found it far more enjoyable myself than I’d expected.
Thanks so much
 

Cookie1

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
0
Hi my husband was 67 also when diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
It was start of covid so couldn’t join anything. We went toDementia Forward coffee mornings a couple of times and then he started going once a week. Plus singing for the Brain which we attend together.
He also plays golf which is run for dementia and Parkinson’s folk.
Recently I have started him at another group called rainbow where they can support him with his continence if needed.
If becomes a problem with the other group he can increase his days there. Carers started in January as I still work as a nurse.
They also take him to his activities.
We also have had a weeks respite for us both to have a holiday which went well. He put on half a stone!
You are doing the right thing by trying things. Keep at it, these are my lifelines.
Daughters sometimes just want to not accept things are changing but you have to keep right as it’s you holding it altogether x
Good luck
 

Bevhar

Registered User
Mar 23, 2023
83
0
Hi my husband was 67 also when diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
It was start of covid so couldn’t join anything. We went toDementia Forward coffee mornings a couple of times and then he started going once a week. Plus singing for the Brain which we attend together.
He also plays golf which is run for dementia and Parkinson’s folk.
Recently I have started him at another group called rainbow where they can support him with his continence if needed.
If becomes a problem with the other group he can increase his days there. Carers started in January as I still work as a nurse.
They also take him to his activities.
We also have had a weeks respite for us both to have a holiday which went well. He put on half a stone!
You are doing the right thing by trying things. Keep at it, these are my lifelines.
Daughters sometimes just want to not accept things are changing but you have to keep right as it’s you holding it altogether x
Good luck
Thank you yes it is tough for my daughters Do you live in the UK
 

Bevhar

Registered User
Mar 23, 2023
83
0
mine goes to men shed which is not a dementia group but just a group of men in a shed. mine is 76and had vasc. dem diagnosed for 4 years. he doesnt do much but he has built up friendships with the other men. he likes the banter and likes to supervise. he wouldnt go to a day centre or dementia related activities. its only twice a week mornings but its so welcome as im housebound and cant go out myself.
Must be so tough for you being housebound Is there anyone that can take you out have you got family to help you
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,132
0
Southampton
Must be so tough for you being housebound Is there anyone that can take you out have you got family to help you
i do have a mobility scooter that i use. oldest son and younger daughter help but going out causes pain with walking and standing too long. its been nearly 4 years in august so ive adapted
 

masquereader

Registered User
Jun 8, 2022
39
0
As others have said, I think your daughter is dealing with her own grief for the father she had, and finding it hard to come to terms with the new situation. I think she will come round. Meanwhile, what is important is what is good for you and your husband. Surely she won’t mind him giving a group a try. He might enjoy it
 

Bevhar

Registered User
Mar 23, 2023
83
0
Hi Bevhar

my husband 67 too x he went to a day centre but he got agitated on the first session and was asked not to go back

I’m with him now 24/7. Reluctant to get carers in our one bedroom flat. Because physically he can still wash shave toilet etc

I’m lost x
Have you got any family support It must be hard for you in such a confined space Are you able to get out at all It’s a minefield I’m just beginning to navigate it I hope you have someone you can rely on for support
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,786
0
Kent
Hi @Bevhar & Hi @Cookie1

Do try and do as many activities as you and your OH can do . and for as long as possible.

We used to do this, but my OH then started having difficulties with mobility and developed a fear of falling. This still applied when using a wheel chair etc.
Thus, there came a time when she wouldn't go out, then she stopped walking (after a stay in hospital). Now we can't ever go anywhere, and in fact, my OH hasn't been out of the house (not even into the garden) since June 2022!

So, PLEASE, make full use of all groups, outings, activities, etc that you can whilst you can, even a walk round the block, or in the local park, or to get a cup of tea and piece of cake in a local cafe.

I have a sitter from Mind charity for 3 hours a week, and a son who comes once a week in the evening, so I do get the chance to get out on my own and it is invaluable.
 

Makethebestofit

Registered User
Mar 29, 2022
10
0
My husband has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s on the dementia nurses advice I’m looking at groups for my husband to join We have 2 daughters the youngest lives about 2 hours away the oldest is 20 mins away When I was discussing the groups with her she seemed very negative about them & said what does Dad think I have discussed this fully with my husband and he’s happy to give them a go I would never force him into anything I’m just trying my best for him I’ve not stopped crying tonight as I thought I was doing the best thing but now I feel lost I’ve seen that people who join groups fare better than people who don’t Any input would be gratefully received
I would echo what others have said about trying groups. Unfortunately we have found that other social groups that we used to be part of have become too difficult due to people not enjoying OHs company. There are a few loyal friends but I am always aware how difficult it us for others in OHs company.
What I really wanted to say though, is that you need to develop a thicker skin where your daughter is concerned. My sons have been in denial for years about their dad's condition and have been hurtful to me in the past. Especially in the early days when I was making it up! Your daughter is struggling to come to terms with what is happening to her lovely dad as you have said. Stay strong and continue to do what is best for you as well as your husband X
 

Ellie Rose

New member
May 28, 2021
6
0
All the while you can get your husband out and about, preferably without you, so that you get a break, then grab the chance. If he doesn’t like the first place then try something else but make the most of the time you can get. You don’t want him becoming reliant on you all the time until it is absolutely necessary and even then you try for whatever support you can access as early as you can!
My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for 10 years now. He doesn’t like me to go out as he hates being in the house on his own. He often gets stressed and very anxious when he thinks I’m not home even if I’m only upstairs. I find this really hard to deal with and often quite suffocating especaIly when he stands and watches me hoovering etc. he loves being outside and is always asking me to take him out. I’m lucky in that we have a very good friend who walks with him once a week. I have also joined us up to the U3A (university of the 3rd age) which is for people who are retired and enjoy different activities. He has tried a few groups so far. The table tennis, croquet and boulle work well for him and although he has enjoyed scrabble, card games and chess in the past sadly he has no longer got the ability to play. The U3A has been a God send to me, the people who run the groups are very supportive of him and contact me if they need to. Unfortunately for me though even though I joined i don’t go to any of the clubs as I’d rather have the time to myself when he is there and I can’t go to anything I’m interested in as I can’t leave him alone. All the time you can leave him or get him to go out without you make the most of it.
 

Ellie Rose

New member
May 28, 2021
6
0
My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for 10 years now. He doesn’t like me to go out as he hates being in the house on his own. He often gets stressed and very anxious when he thinks I’m not home even if I’m only upstairs. I find this really hard to deal with and often quite suffocating especaIly when he stands and watches me hoovering etc. he loves being outside and is always asking me to take him out. I’m lucky in that we have a very good friend who walks with him once a week. I have also joined us up to the U3A (university of the 3rd age) which is for people who are retired and enjoy different activities. He has tried a few groups so far. The table tennis, croquet and boulle work well for him and although he has enjoyed scrabble, card games and chess in the past sadly he has no longer got the ability to play. The U3A has been a God send to me, the people who run the groups are very supportive of him and contact me if they need to. Unfortunately for me though even though I joined i don’t go to any of the clubs as I’d rather have the time to myself when he is there and I can’t go to anything I’m interested in as I can’t leave him alone. All the time you can leave him or get him to go out without you make the most of it.
My husband has never acknowledged that he has Alzheimer’s and probably never will now. Not being able to talk to him about it has been very hard but it also means we don’t go to dementia cafes etc which I would like to do. I’ve never meet anyone who is living with Alzheimer’s and would find it really useful.
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
765
0
My husband has never acknowledged that he has Alzheimer’s and probably never will now. Not being able to talk to him about it has been very hard but it also means we don’t go to dementia cafes etc which I would like to do. I’ve never meet anyone who is living with Alzheimer’s and would find it really useful.
Hi @Ellie Rose , why don't you take him to the dementia cafes . You don't need to tell him him it's a dementia group. My oh hasn't really acknowledged he has dementia either ,and yet he likes going to the groups and singing. We have made good friends with two couples and socialise outside of the clubs. Have to say we smile when we listen to our husbands chatting. One talks about clouds and the sky ,mine confuses reality with news items or programmes and the third has a bit more conversation. They each sit and listen and then talk their on nonsense.but... they get on really well, bless them!.
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
33
0
My husband has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s on the dementia nurses advice I’m looking at groups for my husband to join We have 2 daughters the youngest lives about 2 hours away the oldest is 20 mins away When I was discussing the groups with her she seemed very negative about them & said what does Dad think I have discussed this fully with my husband and he’s happy to give them a go I would never force him into anything I’m just trying my best for him I’ve not stopped crying tonight as I thought I was doing the best thing but now I feel lost I’ve seen that people who join groups fare better than people who don’t Any input would be gratefully received
My hubby is 65, diagnosed at 59. I was hesitant to send him to any groups. It was like leaving your child first day at school. He goes to the dementia cafe every Wednesday for 2 hours, it also makes it easy to get him to shower before he goes, he loves it. He goes to an activity centre on Thursday for 3 hours and loves that too. Go for it. Its you that needs respite,
 

maisiecat

Registered User
Oct 12, 2023
371
0
Hi @Ellie Rose, I should bite the bullet and try a dementia group. My husband hung on to his mild cognitive impairment diagnosis as long as he could and always said I dont have dementia long after he obviously did.
Last year when he deteriorated very abruptly I found that we were able to talk about dementia and go to groups.
These groups were the only place we really found kindness and acceptance something that was totally lacking in any of the professionals we had the misfortune to encounter
 

Cerisy

Registered User
Jun 9, 2021
66
0
We live in rural Normandy and while I’m sure there are dementia groups to visit and meet folk, the language difficulties (my wife has lost most of her French) pretty much preclude them. Strangely we have an English friend nearby that we help with her French paperwork, etc. She comes round for a coffee once a week and we meet up for lunch out every Friday - she is also going along the dementia pathway so my wife can repeat herself to her hearts delight, as does our friend, and they are both happy. Not brilliant for me as it’s the same old, same old!!
 

David Joseph

Registered User
Oct 20, 2023
44
0
Dear All,
Many years ago I worked in a NHS clinic for elderly patients and as part of its multidisciplinary services was a day unit which catered for dementia patients living at home. These patients could attend for one to three days a week, and could receive Occupational Therapist, Nursing, Physiotherapy, Clinical Psychology and Psychiatric input as necessary. They received Reality Orientation, Reminiscence Therapy, Sensory Stimulation, Music Therapy and ongoing interactions with other patients and staff members, in groups or one to one, as well as having fun as possible. Oh yes, and we heard from many of their carers who also met with the team on a very regular basis,
I wish such facilities were spread more widely throughout the community, whether NHS or under council or charity auspices.
That past experience many years ago has helped me to cope with my recent diagnosis, and to accept it.

David Joseph
 

Blissy

Registered User
Jan 29, 2023
173
0
My husband has never acknowledged that he has Alzheimer’s and probably never will now. Not being able to talk to him about it has been very hard but it also means we don’t go to dementia cafes etc which I would like to do. I’ve never meet anyone who is living with Alzheimer’s and would find it really useful.
Ellie Rose, you never know, he might surprise you one day and mention it. My husband is probably late middle to late stage and like your husband had never acknowledged his condition. Also like you because of this we have never been to any cafes etc. although I would love a few hours to myself. However, the other day he asked out of the blue if he was going off his head. The conversation that followed has encouraged me to contact a day centre locally. I am sure he will have forgotten our conversation but I do at least feel I can bring the subject up again. It is so difficult not knowing how to talk about what is happening with our partners and I would encourage anyone starting on the journey to try and make it something they discuss, I wish I had rather than shy away from it.
 
Apr 28, 2024
8
0
My husband has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s on the dementia nurses advice I’m looking at groups for my husband to join We have 2 daughters the youngest lives about 2 hours away the oldest is 20 mins away When I was discussing the groups with her she seemed very negative about them & said what does Dad think I have discussed this fully with my husband and he’s happy to give them a go I would never force him into anything I’m just trying my best for him I’ve not stopped crying tonight as I thought I was doing the best thing but now I feel lost I’ve seen that people who join groups fare better than people who don’t Any input would be gratefully received
 

CatAM

Registered User
Oct 2, 2018
24
0
Fife
Is there a local Dementia Centre in your area? My husband wasn't keen at first, but before Covid we went to Football Memories, Walking Group, Museum Group and so much more on offer. Most importantly, support and advice for you! During Covid they ran various groups on line, never thought I'd ever see my husband doing chair exercise, but he loved it!! Can't recommend highly enough!
 

Ellie Rose

New member
May 28, 2021
6
0
Thank you for all your replies. I will certainly try again with the dementia cafes. I really appreciate all of your comments, it’s good to talk with people who are in the same position. X
 

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