I had sharp chest pains and back pain last week, I was on floor in agony thinking this is it, I'm on my way out, lasted 40 minutes and I kept saying to myself I've got to ring 999 but knew no-one except me is there for my Mum, so I didn't ring. It passed after 40 minutes. Anyhow I went to my GP who went ballistic and said I should have rung 999 and went on about how many people have a tiny rash or a pain in their toe and waste his time whilst genuine patients put up with more major things. Anyhow the upshot is I've had an ECG - apparently it will still record whether or not you've had a heart attack. I've had an inflamed gallbladder since 2007 and I do now suffer with permanent mid back pain, tender tummy, constant burping, ache under right bottom rib (which I know is gallbladder) and feel full when I've only eaten a small amount. Still waiting for all the blood test results. Rang surgery on Friday to ask results of ECG (I had to walk them round to surgery), my GP not in Friday and I suppose it wasn't that urgent for another GP to actually read the print-out and let me know! Gave Mum good wash down this morning. Went home, had bath when phone rings. Ignored it, bath over, went into Mum's she had wet herself (this is happening more frequently now), washed, changed her again. Was it her that rang me, she doesn't know, but it was when I dialled 1471 on my phone. I wrote to SS two weeks ago to tell them that I am having 5 days away on 2nd Sept and they will need to be first in line if there is an emergency in my absence as I'm sole carer. Have I heard from them, of course not! Not sure what I do now, but I do know that if my health is now deteriorating to the extent that I simply cannot care for her anymore, I will have no choice but to put her into residential care, whether she likes it or not, and she won't, believe me she won't! It's just getting all too much for me now, because she's such a awkward, short-fused difficult person and that's before she had AD. She just moans, moans, moans, and when I tell her I don't feel very well, she ignores me and just says how terrible she feels (she's always had to be top dog, all my life she's been like this). Suggestions welcome as feeling very sorry for myself today and I can't snap out of it. I'm actually seeing a solicitor next Thursday to get my Will written up.
My health really suffering now
- Thread starter SueShell
- Start date
Sounds like it is time for you to become top dog.
Your Mum would have no other option but to go into a NH if you have carer breakdown. You need some time off now not September. Hope your GP can help with that.
At the risk of repeating myself - time for you me thinks!
Your Mum would have no other option but to go into a NH if you have carer breakdown. You need some time off now not September. Hope your GP can help with that.
At the risk of repeating myself - time for you me thinks!
Sue you sound exactly like I was , One night I thought I was having a heart attack, I waited and waited and it just got worse, but i was alone with Allen and didn't want to disturb anyone luckily my son and his girlfriend came in about 2 in the morning and called a ambulance, son came with me and girlfriend stayed with Allen , they did all the tests and decided it was stress and acid reflux,
They said to get more help with Allen as I would make myself so ill that I wouldn't be able to look after him at all , he was told this and I think it must he must have understood a bit, anyway he goes to a day centre a few hours 3 days a week and this is a big help, I didn't give him a choice I said he had to go, it caused a lot of heartache as he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, but now he goes without any bother and thinks it was his idea so I can have a break, I am so pleased i insisted and I blamed the hospital for telling me that i had to ,
Please look after yourself, if the choice is upsetting your mum or being too ill to care for her I think you know what you should choose, get some respite immediately you deserve it ,
Best Wishes Jeany x
They said to get more help with Allen as I would make myself so ill that I wouldn't be able to look after him at all , he was told this and I think it must he must have understood a bit, anyway he goes to a day centre a few hours 3 days a week and this is a big help, I didn't give him a choice I said he had to go, it caused a lot of heartache as he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, but now he goes without any bother and thinks it was his idea so I can have a break, I am so pleased i insisted and I blamed the hospital for telling me that i had to ,
Please look after yourself, if the choice is upsetting your mum or being too ill to care for her I think you know what you should choose, get some respite immediately you deserve it ,
Best Wishes Jeany x
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Definitely time to put yourself first SueShell. You have a responsibility for your own health, and that must take priority immediately. x
It is so easy to type the words sue , not too difficult to read them either, but to act on them ????????
This is where I am too with my husband.
Ican tell you ( and mean it) that it is time to think of yourself, I can tell you to say enough is enough , but I am unable to follow through with those words in my own life.
My heart goes out to you, it is a lonely place you are I at the moment.
Jeannette
This is where I am too with my husband.
Ican tell you ( and mean it) that it is time to think of yourself, I can tell you to say enough is enough , but I am unable to follow through with those words in my own life.
My heart goes out to you, it is a lonely place you are I at the moment.
Jeannette
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No it's not easy to act on them but Sue's priorities have to be for herself for a change ,it sounds as though she is at the end of her tether i realy feel for her,
If anyone had said a couple of years ago that Allen would be going to a day centre 3 times a week I would never have believed them but it had to be done, I am not hard, I am as soft as they come when it comes to my husband it was a very hard decision.
I did it before a crisis forced me to do worse ,
Jeany x
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Sue, My gran would never have agreed to go into a care home, but she went last November into one 'for a few days'. Eight months later she is still there. She complains about it to me, but not to anyone else, and when I ask her how long she has been there, she thinks a few weeks.
She is clean, contented, well-fed, and kept amused. She gets far more attention than she could ever have had at home. She doesnt know it's pemanent, I've tried to tell her but within a couple of days she forgets, so I just keep saying 'yes soon' when she wants to go home and she doesnt remember having the same conversation last week and the week before.
Take comfort that your Mum will be fine if you make that choice, she will probably not recall how long she has been there so will not 'get it'.
But if you dont do something soon you may end up in hospital yourself, and then who will there be to run after your Mum? As Garnuft once said to me 'even donkeys get a break!'. Take yours now.
She is clean, contented, well-fed, and kept amused. She gets far more attention than she could ever have had at home. She doesnt know it's pemanent, I've tried to tell her but within a couple of days she forgets, so I just keep saying 'yes soon' when she wants to go home and she doesnt remember having the same conversation last week and the week before.
Take comfort that your Mum will be fine if you make that choice, she will probably not recall how long she has been there so will not 'get it'.
But if you dont do something soon you may end up in hospital yourself, and then who will there be to run after your Mum? As Garnuft once said to me 'even donkeys get a break!'. Take yours now.
Sue
Like others have said-now is the time to get some help.
Two friends of mine each had a parent with Dementia. In the end both friends lost both parents and in both cases the parents who were the carers died before the Dementia sufferers.
This is as serious as it gets-don't wait til September for the respite YOU NEED HELP NOW. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE UNDER THIS MUCH STRESS.
Take care
Lyn T
Like others have said-now is the time to get some help.
Two friends of mine each had a parent with Dementia. In the end both friends lost both parents and in both cases the parents who were the carers died before the Dementia sufferers.
This is as serious as it gets-don't wait til September for the respite YOU NEED HELP NOW. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE UNDER THIS MUCH STRESS.
Take care
Lyn T
Thank you all for your comments and support. I am still muddling through but when I go away in September that will be the telling time whether Mum goes into care. I personally think that having carers in 3 times a day will not be enough. Seems I'm going to have to really upset my Mum by being firm and telling her she's going to have to go to respite in future whether she likes it or not. No news is good news as I haven't heard back from GP re ECG. However, I'm pretty sure something else is I wrong and I'm hoping its just a case of me having my gall bladder removed. If so, then again Mum will have to go to respite whilst I'm in hospital.
I feel very let down by SS. You would think knowing that I am Mum's sole carer they would be more supportive to those of us caring on our own for someone. After all, as has been said, if I go down there is no-one else so she'd end up in a home anyway.
Sue xx
I feel very let down by SS. You would think knowing that I am Mum's sole carer they would be more supportive to those of us caring on our own for someone. After all, as has been said, if I go down there is no-one else so she'd end up in a home anyway.
Sue xx
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