My Dad's behaviour is making me ill

[Vivien85]

Hello. We are currently in the process of having my Dad assessed for dementia and memory problems and are awaiting the follow-up appointment after him having a brain scan. The problem is I just cannot handle the stress he puts on me and it is putting my blood pressure up and I shake and my heart thumps when he is in one of his moods. He pushes and pushes me about trivial things, like letters and he gets sarcastic and talks to me as if I were stupid. Today we have had a falling out because he left some letters with me this morning as he couldn't cope with them, but while one needed attention, the others were from 2007. He left me 5 messages on my phone while I was out, saying he wanted the letters back, yet he had only just left them with me and said I had forced him to do that. He would not listen and we ended up arguing. In the end I asked him to leave, which I have never done before. I know I should be more patient and stay calm, but I have had enough and I just wish he would leave me alone. Any tips on how I can lessen the stress on myself would be appreciated, and how to handle him. He lives alone, a few minutes away from me. Thank you.

 

[VickyG]

Hello. We are currently in the process of having my Dad assessed for dementia and memory problems and are awaiting the follow-up appointment after him having a brain scan. The problem is I just cannot handle the stress he puts on me and it is putting my blood pressure up and I shake and my heart thumps when he is in one of his moods. He pushes and pushes me about trivial things, like letters and he gets sarcastic and talks to me as if I were stupid. Today we have had a falling out because he left some letters with me this morning as he couldn't cope with them, but while one needed attention, the others were from 2007. He left me 5 messages on my phone while I was out, saying he wanted the letters back, yet he had only just left them with me and said I had forced him to do that. He would not listen and we ended up arguing. In the end I asked him to leave, which I have never done before. I know I should be more patient and stay calm, but I have had enough and I just wish he would leave me alone. Any tips on how I can lessen the stress on myself would be appreciated, and how to handle him. He lives alone, a few minutes away from me. Thank you.

Hi ya
Do you have any family that could share the responsibility /stress with you, or perhaps a friend ? It's very hard and demanding and a real strain on yourself and your partner/ kids if you have one/ them.
When we were in the same situation, awaiting test results etc and mum was still living by herself, i was forever having to go around to her, phone calls at all hours of the day / night, for various things like she couldn't remember how to turn the heating off etc. money worries, letters etc.... It's a nightmare. I have 2 sisters who helped out when they could, so wasn't on my own, but it's still a strain to say the least.
It didn't stop there either. What should of been some kind of pressure release by mum going into care, well that just didn't come. Various problems over the last 3.5 years in care has resulted in me bringing mum to my house to live. She's now in the final stages of her Dementia and i only hope her peace comes soon. ( I have around 14 years experience with working in a dementia care setting and maybe i just learned to become more patient ?)
Hope you get some help or at least someone to just listen and share the load.