My dad is only 65 with dementia

zoboz

New member
Oct 8, 2023
5
0
Worlingham, suffolk
So my dad was diagnosed 3 years ago, he is physically well and fit unfortunately he has deteriorated to the point that he can’t really communicate to much, he struggles to get words out and he is not good at doing many tasks at all anymore but he is still in his right mind most of the time. We have only recently required someone to remain with him at all times but in the last week he suddenly started getting aggressive to the point I was worried about my mum being alone with him as she seemed to be the trigger, then this happed!!!!

Okay so Sunday evening my dad had an aggressive episode, this lasted all night until 7am when an ambulance finally turned up! He was completely psychotic, he tried hitting me and my brother we had to wrestle him to the ground, he chased my mum and she had to remain locked in the house all night. He was very violent threatening to throw things, smashing things as well as trying to break doors to escape! We called the police 3 times and they advised they couldn’t attend because nobody was injured, even though we were all terrified for our own safety! We tried the ambulance, 111 and social security but still nobody could help they just advised we would have to speak to our GP which at 3am simply was not going to happen. We were so scared but unfortunately we just had to ride it out and wait for him to come round which happen 6 hours later followed by a very emotional breakdown by him! The paramedics turned up and made the decision to take him to hospital for our safety. Today is Thursday and he has only just been given a bed, we have been up there with him constantly but he was left in a side room, not fed, no one showered him for 3 days, nobody really helping with his dementia he been sectioned and has been sedated several times. He has now been referred to a specialist mental health unit but not one for dementia! He is expected to be left on his own for a maximum of 28 days with arranged visits in a family room! Please help me with this as I know he’s a danger but he’s not mentally insane he just needs the correct medication I think, surely this is going to have a massive negative affect on his wellbeing when already showing signs of confusion and depression??? What are your thoughts, am I just loving my dad to much 🥺????
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,013
0
south-east London
Hello @zoboz - you have been through such a traumatic time and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Something similar happened to my husband and he ended up sectioned in a mental health unit which was non specific to dementia. Unfortunately, there was only one MHU unit that catered for dementia patients at the time - and it was full. It really was a bleak time for us all.

As awful as it was, it was also the best place for him because the professionals were able to strip back all his medication safely and then work out what worked best for him at that point.

The personal care given was awful and I was in despair most of the time. Fortunately, I was able to be there myself nearly all the time, so I made sure he was washed, shaved, ate his food and could find the toilet. It was a very surreal situation because he was also being kept on 2:1 supervision by staff due to his high level of aggression.

As a family, we very much wanted him back home with us, if the right level of medication could be found to help with the aggression. It took four months, but eventually we reached that point and he was able to return home for a further two years. A wonderful two years at that.

However, at that two year point he had a huge relapse with the aggression and had to be sectioned again. Sadly, this time, he was much further along into his dementia journey and no medication could be found to manage the situation well. The only plus this time was that, although he started off in a non dementia specific MHU, he did get moved to a dementia specific unit once a space became available - and that made a huge difference.

Sadly, his dementia was very advanced, other events took over and he died. However, had he lived, he would have been transferred to a nursing home with 1:1 care because it was no longer safe for him to return home.

I am giving both scenarios here just so that you know that there are different outcomes from these situations. As bleak as it seems at the time, there is always hope - but sometimes full-time specialist care is the answer.

Everyone will be working for the best interests of your dad. The safety and well-being of both your dad, your mum - and whoever else lives the family home, will be at the top of any decisions to be made.

Wishing you all strength at this time - and the best of outcomes for everyone.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,620
0
Midlands
They need to twiddle his medication- you dont want him rampaging, nor zombified. it wil take time to get it right
as an in patient, he'll be fed and watered as well as his personal care taken care of.When someone is being aggressive, A&E isnt the place to try & shower him
it will not seem quite so traumatic, given a day or two. Sadly there is no magic wand
 

arumpke

New member
Jan 21, 2024
1
0
Thank you for sharing. I just went through a traumatic episode with my 64yr mother being aggressive. Your posts helped ease my heart. She just entered a Memory Care Unit and was refusing to lay down and sleep. After 2 1/2 days she snapped and began hitting the nurses and residents. She calmed down when I got there but when the ambulance came to take her to the hospital it became mayhem. She was fighting everyone and yelling for her daddy to help her. I will never forget the way she looked at me with this evil face I have never seen, screaming, “I will kill you!” over and over again. My heart broke and I had a panic attack.
Seeing that others have been through the similar situations is helpful. Hope this helps someone else as well.