My Dad Has Dementia

[Mark360]

Hi my name is Mark

My dad has terminal prostate cancer which he’s had for 8 years and within the last 6 months he has been diagnosed with dementia.

He has also been bed ridden for 16 months where he had a lot of falls. He has carers go in 4 times a day and go and see him 3 times a week.

I have found that every time we speak ends in an argument and he blames me for a lot of the problems financially and health. Within the last week I and social services managed to get him into a nursing home.

Within a day he had managed to insult everyone and been racist so they are looking to move him back home.

He never used to be this racist or volatile to people or me.

I just wondered what stage is his dementia do you think and how is best to deal with this as I don’t have any other family and I have a son who’s autistic who depends on me I am really at breaking point.

Can anyone advise.

Thanks

Mark

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Mark60

If your dad is sent home you can tell social services you will not accept any responsibility for his care.

He is a risk to himself and being home alone, even with carers is not in his best interests.

Calculate how many hours he is left unattended and put this to social services. It is not fair on him.

 

[canary]

Hello @Mark360

Im afraid that this nastiness is part of dementia.
Your dad has lost insight and is unable to understand that he has dementia. He is aware that things around him have changed and that Something is wrong, but is unable to understand that this Something is actually him.

My OH did the same - he was aware that he was no longer doing things, but thought that it was me preventing him from doing them when, in reality, he was simply unable to do them

It sounds like your dad is doing the same - he is blaming you for his problems because he is unable to understand that the problem is him and he is getting very angry and nasty because you are not doing anything about it. Now that he is in a care home he is doing exactly the same thing to the carers - everything is their fault and he is being very nasty to them

A care/nursing home that is used to dealing with people with dementia should realise that his behaviour is due to dementia and would have ways of dealing with it. Which makes me wonder what sort of nursing home he is in. Is it just a general nursing home or do they have a specialist dementia unit within it? Your dad is obviously a lot further on than the early stage, although its very difficult to say exactly what stage he is in. This nursing home may have thought that he was in the early stages of dementia and cannot cope with the later stages.

He needs a home that can cope with the later stages of dementia. If he is self-funded you can look for somewhere else that would be able to cope with him. If he is LA funded then you will need to work with SS to find somewhere that is a better "fit". Do not agree to have him back home.