My dad has dementia.

[Doris44]

Hello everyone
My dad was diagnosed with mild to moderate dementia 3 years ago. He has always been in total denial and recently is becoming increasingly angry and at times unreasonable. He has always been a very sharp and highly successful man who won't allow anyone to help him. He has been on medication to help his memory but we have asked for a review as he is having more bad days. My mum and I had to secretly meet with his GP last week ask her for a review. We know we need help but he won't hear of it. Getting POA is out of the question even though his doctor has suggested it several times. My mum talks to me a lot but she is angry and scared and I am finding it incredibly difficult to listen to her saying these things about my dad. How do you plan for the future and put things in place when someone is in complete denial? We need help but every time we suggest anything dad becomes aggressive. Any advice would be so welcome, this is heartbreaking.
Thank you.

 

[Starter]

Hi, it’s a terrible situation to be in. My mum is also in complete denial, but fortunately for now is very amenable to most things we suggest. Hopefully someone will come along with on here with some practical advice xx

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Doris44. It's unfortunate that you have had to find TP but now that you are here I would like to say welcome. You will find the forum a friendly and informative place.
I don't have any experience of your specific problem but I don't have any doubt that someone with experience will be along soon.
What I can say is that as it is now 3 years since your dad's diagnosis it is likely he is now more confused about his deteriorating level of ability and what seems like anger is just his now limited way of expressing his fear, confusion and anxiety. You and your mum should not take it personally.
It is important that many health and legal measures are now put in place to aid your parents and help avoid a future crisis so it is good that you are trying to get your dad to agree. Sometimes people suggest that you put it to the person with dementia(PWD) that the measures are to help the carers and also to have a POA drawn up for both parents so that the PWD doesn't feel picked on help.
Others will be along to give help. Stay strong in the meantime.

 

[patilo33]

Hi Doris, Seems like a scary place that your in at the moment. But this is THE best place for advice, support and sharing.
My bit is about the POA. My mum would never entertain anyone else looking after her money. When she lost capacity we had to go down the Court of Protection route. More expensive initially and annually but if its the only option then thats what it has to be. This bit of info may take off some of your worry. Keep strong.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Doris44
welcome from me too
might you get all the POA documents ready - you can find them online - but for all of you ie hour mum and you as well as your dad - tell him that Martin Lewis the money expert says all adults should get them in p,ace for just in case (he really does, see his website) - have all of you as each others' Attorneys to act jointly and severally - ask a long standing friend or 2 to act as your certificate providers (they could even fill in forms too, but then lose them) - have the friends round for tea and ask them to sign for you and your mum in the hope that your dad will go along with it
you can then register all 3 or just your dad's

 

[Doris44]

Hi, it’s a terrible situation to be in. My mum is also in complete denial, but fortunately for now is very amenable to most things we suggest. Hopefully someone will come along with on here with some practical advice xx

L

Hi, it’s a terrible situation to be in. My mum is also in complete denial, but fortunately for now is very amenable to most things we suggest. Hopefully someone will come along with on here with some practical advice xx

Thank you for your reply xx

 

[Doris44]

Hello @Doris44. It's unfortunate that you have had to find TP but now that you are here I would like to say welcome. You will find the forum a friendly and informative place.
I don't have any experience of your specific problem but I don't have any doubt that someone with experience will be along soon.
What I can say is that as it is now 3 years since your dad's diagnosis it is likely he is now more confused about his deteriorating level of ability and what seems like anger is just his now limited way of expressing his fear, confusion and anxiety. You and your mum should not take it personally.
It is important that many health and legal measures are now put in place to aid your parents and help avoid a future crisis so it is good that you are trying to get your dad to agree. Sometimes people suggest that you put it to the person with dementia(PWD) that the measures are to help the carers and also to have a POA drawn up for both parents so that the PWD doesn't feel picked on help.
Others will be along to give help. Stay strong in the meantime.

Thank you. It is good to talk to others in a similar situation

 

[Doris44]

Hi Doris, Seems like a scary place that your in at the moment. But this is THE best place for advice, support and sharing.
My bit is about the POA. My mum would never entertain anyone else looking after her money. When she lost capacity we had to go down the Court of Protection route. More expensive initially and annually but if its the only option then thats what it has to be. This bit of info may take off some of your worry. Keep strong.

Thank you for the info. I will tell mum that might help ease her anxiety.

hi @Doris44
welcome from me too
might you get all the POA documents ready - you can find them online - but for all of you ie hour mum and you as well as your dad - tell him that Martin Lewis the money expert says all adults should get them in p,ace for just in case (he really does, see his website) - have all of you as each others' Attorneys to act jointly and severally - ask a long standing friend or 2 to act as your certificate providers (they could even fill in forms too, but then lose them) - have the friends round for tea and ask them to sign for you and your mum in the hope that your dad will go along with it
you can then register all 3 or just your dad's

Thank you for the advice much appreciated.

 

[deepetshopboy]

Same situation as you also look after my dad
Took me two years of pestering him to do in the end we just told him we were going to the solicitor you dont have to get it done but was easier for me i had the help of my boyfriend as my dad never has or will listen to me so in the end i printed off the forms and took him in it took months and months to come through and be approved but im glad i did do it as my dads had a bank account thats gone dormant abroad and ive had terrible trouble getting it sorted thank god for thre poa

 

[deepetshopboy]

Also you need to get it done as he must sign it and give his consent before he loses the mental capacity to give his permission.
Do you have a friend or family member that he might listen to explain to him that if hes memory gets eorse you wont be able to deal with hes banks etc