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Mums took a turn for the worst

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by elwoodlpool, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. Hi all ive had a phone call today off my sister and i dont know what to do with myself. My mum has been taken to hospital because she has not eaten or drank anything at all. The staff at the care home have tried everything and still no luck. Im really annoyed as my Step-Father AGAIN has lied to me and my sister telling us mum lost weight because of health eating and again its all been lies. I dont know how to cope with this latest thing now. I keep asking myself what next will it be the call thats she's passed away its torturing me.

    Mark
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    #2 Skye, Jun 26, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2007
    Hi Mark

    Sorry to hear about your mum. But if she's not eating or drinking, maybe they'll be able to sort that out in hospital. At least they'll be able to rehydrate her.

    Are you able to visit her, I don't know if you're still on tour.

    I do hope you get some better news soon.

    Love,
     
  3. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    190
    Co. Durham
    Hi Mark,

    Sorry to hear this news, since you were so upbeat yesterday.

    It's awful to hear your mum's in hospital, but you now know that she is in the best of care, and nursing staff will do all they can to help her. She may be not eating through depression, rather than anything physical?

    Perhaps you could try ringing the hospital she has been taken to, and speaking to a member of staff directly. Explain the distance between yourselves, and ask that they contact you regularly, or inform them you'll be in touch regularly, to keep up to date with her progress.

    Your step father may well be at a loss for how to explain things that are happening? Maybe he doesn't like to admit that he's not succeeding in getting her to eat or drink, some people take this as a reflection on themselves don't they?

    However, the important thing is your mum, and I would be ringing twice maybe three times a day until you are satisfied that you know everything that's going on. Good luck honey, and try not to stress TOO much. Easier said than done, I know, but take some calming deep breathes and make some enquiries.

    Keep us posted. Rooting for you.

    Gill
    xx
     
  4. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Mark,
    I'm sorry that your Mumhas taken a turn for the worse, but things may not be as bad you fear. My Mum had quite a few times when she wasn't eating properly and then later recovered and started eating again. Elderly tummies can be over sensitive sometimes.
    Maybe your stepfather is in a state of denial and is not facing up to the situation. The medical staff at the hospital should know just what to do to make your Mum more comfortable and take nutrition and fluids.
    I hoe things get better for you soon.
    Kayla
     
  5. Well Kayla im not sure if you know but mum is 52. I thought id tell you i dont know what else to type i feel i cant cope

    Mark
     
  6. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    190
    Co. Durham
    Mark,

    You're concern for your mum is natural. You're bound to be worried about what is causing her to stop eating and drinking.

    But at least the medical profession are aware of the problem and are acting on it. It would be even more worrying if they were aware and were ignoring it.

    Take ten minutes to calm yourself, and then try to make some calls, and see if you can find out first hand what's happening. If mum's only gone in today, the chances are they'll be in the throws of assessing her and may not have answers for you yet, but rest assured there will be answers.

    Time is the thing honey, and patience. She'll be rehydrated in the hospital, that will be their priority, that in itself may kick start her appetite too. She'll be feeling drained with not drinking, and lethargy is one of the worst causes of putting people off their food.

    Stay strong Mark, you can do it. Think back to yesterday and your positive thoughts you had there. Try to recall how they made you feel and aim for them again. It won't stop your worrying but it will help you to feel you can cope. You can, you just forgot how to with the news of your mum.

    Best wishes,

    Gill
    xx
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Can you no bring forward the visit you was going to make to your mother ?

    Or do your have family , work commitments ?

    If so
    Sounds like Good advice xx
     
  8. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Mark

    I am sorry you have had such a shock.

    I know it is easy to say and hard to do, but try not to focus on your step-fathers actions in this, it won't be of any practical use and will only fuel your negative thoughts.

    Try to focus on finding out how your Mum is and what is going to happen now.
    Phone your sister and the hospital and try to arrange for one or both of you to visit as soon as possible.

    You or your sister have the ideal opportunity to discuss your fears over the care your Mum is getting, so make an appointment to talk them over with her consultant.

    My Mum has had periods of not eating or drinking, but she has always started again, they are often due to an infection of some kind, once that is better, she picks up again very quickly.

    I hope you have better news soon.

    Kathleen
     
  9. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    171
    W.Scotland
    Sorry to hear of this Mark. Your Mum is in the best place they will put her on a drip and get her going again. They will also sort out any infection. As I say, she's in the best place at the moment.
     
  10. scarlett

    scarlett Registered User

    May 31, 2007
    22
    Derby
    so sorry about your mum and situation mark, my mum is young too. I echo what has been said previously ( as a relative and also a nurse) it might well be an infection that has thrown your mum off course so suddenly and she is in best place for assessment and treatment.
    many of us have been thru this or very similar and we're here for you
     
  11. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Hi Mark

    So sorry to hear about your mum. You sounded so positive yesterday.

    As the others have said, she's in the best place. They'll get her rehydrated. As Kathleen said, keep in touch with your family and I hope you can post back soon with some better news.

    Take care.
     
  12. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Mark,
    My Mum was 82 when she died suddenly from aheart attack three weeks ago. After she broke her hip, she lost so much body weight and looked so ill that we never thought she'd get out of hospital, but she did and the Nursing Home managed to get her eating again.
    Don't give up hope, as people can sometimes bounce back. Mum has surprised us so many times by her ability to recover from tummy bugs and illnesses, we thought she'd be with us for longer. I suppose at 82, a heart attack might happen at any time and was probably quite unrelated to her Vascular Dementia or the tummy bug she was getting over.
    I'm sure at the moment, hospital is the best place to care for your Mum and I hope she gets batter soon.
    Kayla
     
  13. Really Make's Me MAD

    The thing that gets to me is i still have had no info at all from the doctors on how Mum is and were her condition is all the info i have is from My step Dad. I have heard from him its Vascular Dementia(which i have no idea about). The latest thing is Mum was discharged last night from hospital and is moving up to a higher level of care in the home. And there talking about something called a tap which is a tube that goes straight to the stomach to feed her. I sat long and hard last night thinking and i can say my mum died about 7 years ago as she was 45 when all this started to happen. The truth is no matter what i do the grief of it is still eating away at me inside. Mum has also lost loads of weight i have a picture on my phone of her and she looks so frail and old. I feel like running out now and screaming at the top of my voice this disease is the worst thing thats ever happend to our family and it even makes me think there can't be a god if things like this happen to the people we hold so close to us.

    Mark
     
  14. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I think doctors want there to be only one next-of-kin, if they can get the patient to consent to have information passed on to that one person they then expect all other relations to get it filtered through that one. It is very annoying (to put it mildly) when you are just as concerned or more concerned than the nominated next-of-kin.

    Lila
     
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Mark there is an AS factsheet on vascular dementia:

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Facts_about_dementia/What_is_dementia/info_vascular.htm

    Regarding the feed, I haven't heard of a tap. Is it perhaps a PEG? This is a tube which goes directly to the stomach.

    It sounds as if they are doing everything possible for her, and now she is back at the home, you will be able to keep in touch by telephone. I'm sure they'll tell you how she is if you explain the situation.

    I can understand how upset you are. Your mum is so young to have this disease, and it must be devastating for you that you can't be with her.

    Stay strong, enjoy your music, and keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

    Love,
     
  16. scarlett

    scarlett Registered User

    May 31, 2007
    22
    Derby
    marc, really feel for you and worst thing sounds like the failure of people to give you information.
    are you sure its called a tap? it sounds very much like a P.E.G which is a thin tube inserted thru abdomen to stomach which is usually done under a general anaesthetic. this will probably already sound alarming and uncomfortable to you but the reality is quite different andpeople ive nursed dont seem at all bothered by having one. The PEG (G stands for gastrostomy from latin meaning into stomach) allows people to receive a specially made highly nutricious liqid feed and drinks when there is a reason they cant swallow. it is often given by a pump very slowly overnight while people sleep. Without one people who cant swallow can have a drip but this wont give calories as such but would just keep someone hydrated. the care home should be able to nurse mum with either of these .
    i am so sorry you're really going thru it at moment. my mum 60 now and i too feel i lost her some years ago as now its like a shell its an awful illness thers a reason its called the long goodbye. its a continual greiving for all of us grief at losing person but also we have to come to terms with losing the future we thought we'd have. my mum was lone parent and i have no other family and hence i am mums only visitor too. I really empathise as you must also feel alone in this.
    I hope this helps. Please ignore if not PEG!!!
     

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