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Mum's funeral

Il Gufo

Registered User
Feb 27, 2013
Mum's funeral
Having just posted my first comment in months, here I am again!! Thought I had told the tale of Mum's funeral, but looking over my posts it seems not? Forgive me if I have already posted on this, and just can't see it. I wanted to share with you some of the details of the day.
We wanted the funeral to be a celebration of Mum's life, as she was such a lively, amusing, witty lady before dementia struck. I asked the vicar if he would mind taking a minimal role in the service, as we brought Mum back up to the Midlands to be buried with my lovely Dad, and he didn't actually know Mum. He was very happy to take a back seat, and just introduce the various elements. My sister's husband is a musical director/conductor, so I asked him to take care of that side of the service. He absolutely came up trumps. He remembered Mum loving a piano piece he played for her once, (First Arabesque, Debussy), so that was playing as we brought Mum into church. My brother had written a wonderful eulogy, recalling her early years being brought up in a house with very little money, and losing her dad when she was just 11 years old. She passed for Grammar School but her mum couldn't afford for her to go. Despite these difficult times, she always talked about what a happy childhood she had. My youngest 27 year old son did the bible reading, and my eldest son who is 33 gave a eulogy from the grandchildren's perspective. He had people moved to tears, and then weeping with laughter at some of his memories. At the end of his reading, he made a very pertinent point.
He said "In an age where the superficial trappings of life are so valued, she reminds us of the absurdity of such a measure of success. Although she may not have realised it, she taught us all so much. She was a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother - and that is her legacy".......
And so to the final song. Because Mum and Dad loved dancing so much, we wanted to chose one of the old dance songs that we could remember them dancing to. For one day only, my brother-in-law formed a small band Using his contacts from the music and theatre world he included a close friend who Mum had met and loved, who played the trumpet. My brother-in-law played keyboard, and my sister's 14 year old son played his snare drums. Another friend who has sung in many West End musicals and also fronts a well known rock band sang vocals. And my dear Mum left the church to the sounds of 'Dancing cheek to cheek'!
It was a fitting tribute to a lady who was so loved, and we all miss her dearly.


Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
How lovely. Its so nice that you turned what could have been a very sad goodbye into a celebration of someone so special.

Wishing you peace and strength for the days ahead without her.


Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
A celebration indeed, what a lovely tribute to both your mum and dad who are both dancing cheek to cheek now, I hope you and your family will remember the good times and not let the shadow of dementia take those memories away from you.
Take care and much peace of mind for you all...please keep in touch if you need anymore support or just wish to talk:) we are here for you
Chris x

Il Gufo

Registered User
Feb 27, 2013
Thanks Chris. This forum was and still is such a help to me. I shouldn't have stayed away so long - but truthfully I didn't want to even see the word dementia after Mum died. Having spent a couple of hours reading posts on here today, I marvel at the strength of you all, and even my own strength when caring for Mum and making difficult decisions about her care. I didn't truly realise how stressed I was until Mum died. Then of course the feelings of guilt because my overwhelming feeling was one of relief that she had gone. I loved her so much, and miss her dreadfully - but I lost my real Mum months before she actually passed away. I hope you can all carry on being strong for your loved ones, you are all doing your very best I know.

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