Mum's dementia is progressing, really struggling and need advice with next steps

[sarahvp]

Mum is now 2 years from diagnosis, still living on her own and is getting dressed properly, washing and basic tidying. However she is no longer cooking and eats only cold, fresh prepared food and it's only one small meal a day, so she's lost lots of weight. She has virtually no short term memory, cannot structure a sentence so struggles to communicate and doesn't understand much at all anymore so any constructive discussion is impossible. I would say she's moving quite rapidly from early to middle stage.

I have tried to discuss with her about meals on wheels, assisted living and all the options but she does not want to move, won't have meals and is convinced she will be dead within the year and is quite belligerent about all of it.

Her doctor has referred her back to the memory clinic and we are waiting for an appointment, I have spoken to SS and understand at some point I need to make a referral, but not sure what good this will do if she refuses all help.

My sister and I are struggling with wanting to respect her wish to remain in control of her life and obviously trying to prepare for the inevitable and keep her safe and well. My thoughts are to chase up the memory clinic and ask them to help convince Mum of the help she needs from SS. Is this the right way to go about it?

As always any advice greatly received, feeling very down, sad and angry.

 

[Kjn]

Get all the help and connection you can now, get onto SS , have an assessment . She is better in the system early rather than late.
Could you convince her of help if it's helping you , carer coming in under the 'a cleaner' to help etc. White lies time?

Good luck x

 

[Georgina63]

Hi sarahvp
It's so hard isn't it. We gradually introduced care for my mum, though my dad found it difficult to accept help into the home and we had some tricky situations, but it eased over time. Also agree with kjn, get the referral made to get things moving and in the system as soon as you can as the bottom line is you and your mum will need help whether she recognises or accepts it at present. Re meals on wheels - why not give it a try a couple of times a week and see how it goes. My Dad, again reluctant at first, used to look forward to them! Good luck. Gx

 

[canary]

Hello Sarah and welcome to Talking Point

Im afraid that it is unlikely that you will be able to convince her that she needs help and even if you do she wont remember it. Unfortunately here is always a time that comes when you have to make a mental shift from enabling someone with dementia to do what they want, to doing what they need. I think you may have reached that stage. Its time to get things organised and then present it to them in terms that they will accept (aka - little white lies)