1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Got a call last night to get to hospital. When we arrived mum's oxygen levels were dangerously low because she won't keep the mask on.

    We were just through the door and the doctor asked us if we would make a decision on whether to resuscitate or not if necessary?

    He just stood there and we were supposed to decided immediately even though mum had improved since they had made the phone call. I just looked at him, I almost said can I take a 50/50 or phone a friend, the whole idea and timescale was so ridiculous. My Goodness, I know he's a doc but you need time to register this info.
    Fortunatley, through this site, I knew this might arise and had warned dad yesterday, or it would have been a really terrible shock.

    Stayed at hosp all night and am going back soon. Don't even know what to decide, dad just looks at me like I know everything. Doc says mum's standard of life is not good and resuscitation could make her condition worse. When did carers become God as well as everything else?

    The ironic thing is I have been informed the lift will be installed soon, but still no date. They waited a year! Now I may not need it. There's a method in Social Services madness.
     
  2. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dearest Magic,

    I can't even imagine how it could be to be fronted with this decision without any warning.

    Just follow your heart is all that I can suggest. Sorry to be so inept here.

    I hope you have some better news later today.

    Jude xxx
     
  3. bjthink

    bjthink Guest

    All my best wishes

    I agree with Jude - do what your heart tells you to do.
    Remember, you know your mum better than anyone else, and you're the one most able to recognise the tiny signs of recovery, if they are there.
    In asking you, although he asked you far too abruptly, the doctor may have been respecting your unique position, and asking for your invaluable help in telling him whether you believe your mum is able to pull through.
    And you know what Magic? You'll know exactly what to say, if and when you have to.
    Believe in yourself.
    xxxx
     
  4. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    dear Magic

    so very sorry to hear about the awful position you have been put in. Whatever decision you decide to make, you know in your heart it will be in the best possible interests of your mum. What more can we say except our thoughts are with you at this dreadful time.

    take care

    jan
     
  5. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dearest Magic, I think you have already decided what choice you are going to make and you need to be the one to do it,your poor dad trusts you to do it because its to much for him and you have been the one who as done such a wonderful job of caring for your darling wee mum that if truth were known you would hate anyone to take over decisionmaking now.I will be thinking about you all and saying a prayer to give you strengh and guidence and comfort formum and dad.love storm
     
  6. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    You're right Storm in all you say.

    Thanks guys for all your support again, and in the midst of all this and with the help of your prayers, I have found comfort in my religious faith again.

    THANK YOU.
     
  7. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    Hi Magic

    Just to let you know, thinking about you and wondering how your mum is doing.

    Jan
     
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Magic, so very sorry to hear of the troubles you are having. Trust in your love for each other, you will know what is right, she trusts you not to let her suffer, but she also trusts you to be fighting her corner, you will know as I did what to do if you need to, your faith will help here too. My heart is with you and your family Magic, all my love, She. XX
     
  9. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    #9 Mjaqmac, Feb 15, 2005
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2005
    Thanks She and Jan.

    Been at hospital all day. She is still the same and another doc told us to think about making that decision even if it never arises to be prepared. They can't get enough oxygen into her, she's on 10 litres now and her sats still are dropping then up again.

    The lift is starting tomorrow, apparantly I have won my battle with SS but look at what I had to do to get it. Go to my MP and give an interview to the newspaper.

    I just hope it's not too late for mum's use after fighting for a year.
     
  10. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Magic,
    I am so sorry to read of your dreadful predicament - possibly the very worst decision anyone could ever be asked to make! Life is so cruel.
    I admire your calmness re. the impending work on lift installation. What irony!
    I am lost for words, but I am thinking of you and praying for you and your Mum and Dad.
    All the best, Carmen
     
  11. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Magic, sending you and wee Mummy a big, big, hug tonight, and one for your Dad too, God bless my love, thinking of you all, love She. XX
     
  12. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hold her hand tightly and whisper to her. You'll know if and when the time comes to let go.

    Love
    Kriss
     
  13. bjthink

    bjthink Guest

    Magic, you're brilliant! How wonderful to get good news at last on the lift.
    Am still praying for your mum.
    x
     
  14. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Thank you everyone. I have been so calm all day and busy with mum then the news of the builders coming in the morning, I only got the phone call at 7ish tonight! I didn't even get notification that the work was about to start, but another letter from the MP arrived this morning and he was really spitting about the whole thing, he has done the job for me. This is so awful that mum could have been using this for the past year, I should have fought back sooner, but I was so numb and tired after the neuroleptic drug fight and the assessment unit nightmare then the constant hospital dashes.

    Someone needs to change this system. Carers can't go on being treated this way, it has to stop. The newspaper article was due out on Thurs 17, it will probably be dropped now or she may go with it and say I won the battle, who knows? Doesn't matter anymore.

    Feel totally broken now, but will rise up from the ashes again in the morning and be there for wee mummy and smile for dad. It has to be done. You all know the drill, thank God you all do. What would I do without being able to share with those whom know only too well how I'm feeling tonight.

    Thank you angels.
     
  15. bjthink

    bjthink Guest

    Go for it Magic! As a journo, I have to tell you that your story now has more 'legs'.
    The newspaper can spin it as a battle won, heartwarming, etc etc.
    Get on to them and tell them about the intervention of the MP, whom they can interview, and this is a piece that could be twice as big as what they'd originally envisaged.
    Magic, you won. Let the world know. The journos will LOVE it!!! :))
    And we all love you!
     
  16. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Magic,

    Glad to hear that one battle is won. Keep fighting my dear!

    Jude xxx
     
  17. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    My dear lovely Magic, well done that girl! You are a real little fighter! If we add together all the battles we carers fight day by day, there has to be a pretty big file of voices when we get to really get our chance to shout, and you Magic are a real crusader and a wonderful, caring, loving person into the bargain. Good luck with the building, don't look at the mess, just go for the finished option! Roll on getting wee Mummy home again now, all power to you! lotsaluv, She. XX :)
     
  18. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Thanks Sheila, don't feel too strong at the moment. Shattered! Mum's just the same, no change.
     
  19. bjthink

    bjthink Guest

    Magic, my thoughts and hopes are with you. Please get some rest.
    x
     
  20. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Magic

    we all need to regroup and gather strength from time to time.

    Take care now.
     

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