Mum was so normal today

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by daisydi, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    When I went to see mum at the care home today she seemed so normal. She even told her friend that she was confused (the friend that is). I took my old springer spaniel to her her nanny and that was lovely to see. I know it doesn't happen but it was almost like she was better again and that she shouldn't really be there. Perhaps being there has improved her though and she doesnt seem anxious at all and that was one of her biggest issues. Its so hard to deal with this. She doesnt take any medication as everything she was prescribed didnt agree with her but she seems so much more alert than other people. I am now wondering if I did the right thing by placing her there!!!!
     
  2. lesley1958

    lesley1958 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2015
    107
    Bristol
    Daisydi, I think your mum is able to function better because she is less anxious and therefore happier - and she is less anxious because you were brave, took a terribly hard decision and placed her where she could be cared for.

    You love her. You did your best for her. It's all any of us can do. And I believe you did the right thing.

    With love

    Lesley
     
  3. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Hi Daisydi

    Your mum is only as she is because of where she is. She is being looked after 24/7, her mental needs are understood. She feels secure and therefore is more relaxed.

    Tomorrow she may be a completely different person, she may be two people tomorrow.

    My own Mum can be a pleasure to be with in the morning, she will have a quick nap and not know me on waking nor what her name is.

    The guilt monster sent me on massive guilt trips that I had got it wrong but I knew that Mum was in the place she needed to be in.
     
  4. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    Yes thanks for the reassurance. I'm just sitting here remembering what life was like before mum went into the care home. She is certainly not like that crazy woman who was so confused, scared and wandering around all day long. Nothing has changed apart from the fact that she is lot living alone so it must be beneficial for her to be there. Phew I was having a major panic!
     
  5. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,161
    Daisy - after my father got carted off to hospital he began to improve physically and therefore mentally and I began to think that maybe he could manage at home with a care package, which was in direct contradiction to what the doctors said. Lo and behold, he's taken out once for a meal with family, suffers gastrointestinal bleeding and now has lost the ability to walk. This disease has a way of being one step ahead. You've managed to get ahead of it. This is a terrific accomplishment. Instead of feeling guilty, pat yourself on the back, girl.
     
  6. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    Sorry about your father. Yes I know it is all guilt and I shouldn't feel this way. I have been told that she is very happy and content but when you see glimpses of your old mum in that setting I suppose the small glimmer of hope that she is recovered takes over. In my head I know this wont happen but in my heart it is all I want.
     
  7. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    Yesterday's visit wasn't quite the same. She was vague and wandering and had two toilet issues involving change of clothes in about 10 minutes! Isn't this disease so confusing!
     
  8. Miche47uk

    Miche47uk Registered User

    Apr 3, 2015
    5
    Surrey
    It can be very confusing, I have gone the other way and pulled mum out of care after my faith in care homes hit rock bottom... many a time though I picked Mum up and she was so chatty and normal, she has vascular dementia. In the end it is hard and was hard my end because she was more with it than other people around her so in one place she only had staff to talk to and their time is limited.

    In the end after once again medical negligence I took Mum home, dealt with her UTI, and concluded I would keep her out of care and do it myself, not easy but she seems far more with it in a normal home environment, takes herself off to the loo at times in the night and other times gets disorientated but eats normally, chats normally and now attends a day centre Monday to Friday. She wouldn't be safe to live alone with carers in place I don't think although there are times I pop out for an hour or two and she is with it enough not to be in danger at all.

    It is a strange disease, she always always knows who we all are, that, to me, is an absolute blessing. At the end of the day there is no wrong or right, it is whatever works for the individual and certainly weekends Mum snoozes whereas she never does at the day centre but with an 8 year old daughter too it is hard to entertain both!

    I am not saying all care homes are bad, some of the ground force carers I met along the way were wonderful, but in the end for me personally, my faith in care homes hit rock bottom and the worry of whether Mum was ok or not outweighed having her live with me. I am 47, haven't lived with Mum since I was 18! It is hard work but at night when she says "god bless, see you in the morning", I go to bed knowing she is fed, drunk lots of fluids, had all her meds, is clean and happy...it makes it worthwhile! Initially in care they made a big effort, over time this changed..be vigilant..
     
  9. Sianey

    Sianey Registered User

    Mar 23, 2015
    103
    Yorkshire
    Awww, you are wonderful!
     

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