Mum thinks there are two of me

[MeganCat]

I'm the only one who visits mum. She has taken to saying that 'you two are the only visitors I get"
She will introduce me to care-home carers as her daughter - but talks to me about me in the third person
I got her a bracelet as a gift - now in her head she bought it for me but doesn't know when she'll see me to give me it - can I give it to (me). I've stopped saying I'm *****

In the lift the other day she saw her reflection in the full length mirror and was quite chuffed that her pal was there - she looks like my sister doesn't she?

I can see who she is slipping away

 

[Gigglemore]

I think Mum knows there is only one of me - but I seem to play lots of different roles. Friday I went through being mother, sister, friend and even actually daughter for a while. On Saturday Mum at one point asked how my Mum was - when I paused, considering how to respond - she gently asked if my Mum was still alive. "Most of her" I replied cheerfully, and changed the subject. Tonight, Mum said how glad she was to have a daughter. I THINK she meant me!

Although it's weird, this is one of the symptoms I can actually laugh about as Mum's face always lights up when she sees me so it doesn't really matter who she thinks I am. It makes for a nice change from the more depressing changes that have taken place over the last few months. I'll keep an eye out for my double, though - wonder if she could pop in and clean the house one day?

 

[Bunnytwinkles]

Mine, too...

i think I read on here somewhere about this syndrome. Mum thinks I have a twin, that basically there are two of me. Anyone else had this? I am finding it hard to explain where my twin gets to all the time.

My mother also thinks that there are two of me. Sometimes, there are two of my dad, also. I have almost twenty years of experience working in a skilled nursing facility with a high percentage of dementia residents. I have never seen this before.

 

[canary]

Hello Bunnytwinkles and welcome to Talking Point.
This "doubling" of people is a form of Capgras syndrome. It does seem to be fairly common in dementia, Im surprised that you havent come across it.
This site is useful, although I would say that people with dementia are usually not aware of the incongruous nature of the phenomenon. http://www.psychnet-uk.com/x_new_site/DSM_IV/capgras_syndrome.html

 

[Pear trees]

My mum tells me one day that she never wanted me, I never visit and never do anything for her. Next time she says I'm not like the other one because I look after her and bring her food and money. I have given up trying to explain both of them are me.

 

[MagD]

Same here

My mum thinks there are two of me too, one on the phone and one who visits. Sometimes one is good and the other bad. She will relate things I have said to her either on the phone or in person, such as, "she, you know, her in charge, says I haven't to go out on my own" and I just say "yes, that's right mum, you could fall down and hurt yourself". She will accept it from the good one! So I agree with myself all of the time!

She has even called me mum, and has said, you're my mum aren't you. When she manages to phone me on speed dial she sometimes says, it's your daughter. Her mother died when she was 14. One day a couple of weeks ago she believed she was married to my husband and had to make his dinner. When I explained he was my husband and I would go home and make his dinner later she asked if they were living in sin then!

Sometimes it's easy to go along with her reality but there are times you just can't. It's difficult on those occasions to know how to handle that and I am still learning.

 

[velocity]

My Mum also thinks there are two of myself and OH. Sometimes OH will come into the room Mum will say 'whose that woman then'?!! Mum also speaks to me of me. I haven't visited for ages. (We live in the same house).
Mum pops to the toilet when she comes back to the sitting room will quite often remark 'oh you've changed the room round then' or are you trying to confuse me, shall I sit in this chair? (Hers).
It must be awful for her.
Mum has had infections in the last six months which have really brought her down, the ABs have helped but its been a struggle to obtain them for her

 

[Cole_H]

I have had this recently. One good version and one bad version, like an evil twin.

She tells me the bad things my evil counterpart says and that I would never say those things.

 

[Yanni]

My husband thought there were at least two, sometimes three of me and if he could see us all together he could work out which is the "real" one! I think it's called capgas syndrome. He didn't seem particularly upset about it but I did feel as though my identity was in question. This phase has passed and I don't know that he knows that I am his wife but recognises me as someone who looks after him - though he doesn't believe he needs looking after as there is nothing wrong with him - five years after diagnosis and ten years after the symptoms began.

 

[Lindy50]

Surprising how common it is. Mum seems to vary who she thinks I am, but I don't mind who it is, just so long as I remain familiar to her and it puts a smile on her face when I go in to see her.
I was late in today, not that she would know, so I said 'sorry mum, I'm a bit late' which was a bit silly but she doesn't miss a trick 'yes you are late' she said frowning, in that way she would have ticked me off in the past.

Hello Ragged, I've just found this thread and find so much that I can identify with. This post in particular!! My mum has always been verbally and socially skilled and she does just as you say......if I give her a hint of anything like I'm late, or feeling a bit under the weather, she's straight back at me with it She can't get it into any sort of perspective, though. I have to consciously remember not to cough or look a bit off colour, or she'll worry about it the whole visit.....in other words, her 'mum' role is still there. My motto is, always wear makeup and smile!!

 

[Lindy50]

My Mum also thinks there are two of myself and OH. Sometimes OH will come into the room Mum will say 'whose that woman then'?!! Mum also speaks to me of me. I haven't visited for ages. (We live in the same house).
Mum pops to the toilet when she comes back to the sitting room will quite often remark 'oh you've changed the room round then' or are you trying to confuse me, shall I sit in this chair? (Hers).
It must be awful for her.
Mum has had infections in the last six months which have really brought her down, the ABs have helped but its been a struggle to obtain them for her

That's the thing, it must be such a struggle for mum. She has an ensuite in her CH room, and if I so much as pop to the loo, she thinks I've gone, and the whole visit starts again when I come out.....It must be terrifying to be so disoriented

 

[Spamar]

OH was slightly different. I would walk into the room sometimes and he would say, where's my wife? I answered, she had to go out, but she asked me to look after you.
He accepted this. At his bedtime I would help him to bed ( he went early at that stage) and he would anxiously look at the other side of the bed and ask when his wife would be back. The answer was, at her bedtime, which he accepted. When I eventually went to bed, he would sometimes snuggle up and say, I'm glad you're back!
Surreal!

 

[NickyNoo]

Hi, I'm new to this group. My Mum is 88 and has Dementia. She's not had an official diagnosis yet, apparently there's a 4 month wait for the memory clinic. Anyway she also talks about multiples of her children. She has two, me and my brother. She knows that she gave birth to two children, but she regularly talks about her other children. It's my Dad (93) who is really struggling. My brother and I just take it in our stride.

 

[Ju10]

My mam asks dad where her husband is and when he says he's her husband, she says 'Yes, well I know that, but where's my husband?'

It's so difficult to know what's going on in her head.

I have same going on with my mum, so difficult, also thinks she has two homes, heartbreaking x