Mum thinks she still has dogs

[Hawrk]

High all , my mum lost her dog about 4 weeks ago n it’s been very stressful time as she has gone back 35 years n think she has her dog kennels , even saying people have rang her and booked dogs in , she is so clear n positive that people have booked dogs in with her , she thinks her garage n shed are dog kennels .Thats what she did but not for 35 years like I said , I’ve tried telling her n showing her the garage but within minutes she is asking when are dogs arriving , I’ve tried going along with it but not going away , went through her phone just to check no one had rang n nobody has , she can ring me 25 to 40 times a day which gets a bit much when your working , yes I have lost it with her sometimes but I really don’t no what to do or say.I have calmly gone through it all with her , left notes , posters saying no dogs etc but still she has no understanding of it all , n then to top it all she then goes back to asking about her dog that just past n she still thinks she has him n goes out looking for him , up the street , only done that twice but my concern is if she falls etc , she isn’t steady on her feet sometimes , n the street is dark n nobody will see her , she has done so well living on her own for 5 years since being diagnosed, but slowly she doesn’t remember what happens in a day , I’ve recently got her in a day centre 2 days aweek n that is a rest bite for me n the phone calls n she has a lovely neighbour that takes her out every 2 weeks for a few hours n I see her most days , I’ve got to say I don’t no what to do next , my brother wants to get her another dog but she over fed the last one bless him , n overdose his meds , he was ok , but sadly he was really ill n had to be put to sleep he was only a dachund but was mega overweight , she was feeding him human food all the time as she forgot she had already fed him , I try my best but it’s getting harder with mum , any suggestions please , Thankyou in advance n sorry for the long message ,hawrk

 

[LynneMcV]

Hello @Hawrk,

I am sorry to hear that your mum lost her dog recently and that it has brought about this extra confusion. It must be very upsetting for all concerned.

Unfortunately, it is nigh on impossible to persuade a person with dementia that something is not as they believe it to be.

As a complete long shot, I wonder if there are dog related bits and pieces present in the house?

The reason I ask is because I knew an elderly lady who was often in a panic because she thought her dog had gone missing. She hadn't actually owned a dog since she was a child but her daughters sometimes visited with their dogs and as a result, there was a dog bed in situ as well as feeding bowls, toys and even a couple of photos.

Once the photos were removed, and the dog bed, toys and food were put away out of sight in between visits, the lady in question stopped remembering she used to have a dog - or worrying that it had gone missing.

 

[ScaredyCat]

I'm extremely sympathetic to your mum and you. Mum had her dog with her but was obsessed that people had stolen her 'other' dogs and would draw maps of how to get to them etc. She's in a care home but occassionally talk about losing her dogs and other animals. I tell her they're living with me and they are old so a bit too stiff and tired to visit. Could you maybe say similar to your mum? He's with you or a friend because she's not been well, he's with you temporarily because you were feeling low and needed company or similar.
However I actually want to say don't get her another dog under any circumstances. Mum went from over feeding, feeding human food and then, as she got worse not taking him out, to not letting him out so he pooed on the floor. I felt so, so guilty that I was leaving him with her but if I'd removed him from the house mum would gave been traumatised.
It's a very harsh thing to accept but your mum will only get worse not better. The trauma of losing her beloved dog may have made her dementia worse.

 

[Hawrk]

I'm extremely sympathetic to your mum and you. Mum had her dog with her but was obsessed that people had stolen her 'other' dogs and would draw maps of how to get to them etc. She's in a care home but occassionally talk about losing her dogs and other animals. I tell her they're living with me and they are old so a bit too stiff and tired to visit. Could you maybe say similar to your mum? He's with you or a friend because she's not been well, he's with you temporarily because you were feeling low and needed company or similar.
However I actually want to say don't get her another dog under any circumstances. Mum went from over feeding, feeding human food and then, as she got worse not taking him out, to not letting him out so he pooed on the floor. I felt so, so guilty that I was leaving him with her but if I'd removed him from the house mum would gave been traumatised.
It's a very harsh thing to accept but your mum will only get worse not better. The trauma of losing her beloved dog may have made her dementia worse.

Thanks for the response , I do believe loosing her dog has made dementia worse and we are dealing with it but it’s so hard n I’m glad someone else has said no to getting her another dog , my brother n his wif cannot see the bigger picture ,mum will over feed n forget and then she always rings me not them , so would be more added pressure , brother just says well if it doesn’t work with dog get rid , No a dog is for life , and I’m the one who mum always rings n feels happiest with , brother hasn’t got a clue really , anyway Thankyou for responding to me , means a lot.

 

[ScaredyCat]

Thanks for the response , I do believe loosing her dog has made dementia worse and we are dealing with it but it’s so hard n I’m glad someone else has said no to getting her another dog , my brother n his wif cannot see the bigger picture ,mum will over feed n forget and then she always rings me not them , so would be more added pressure , brother just says well if it doesn’t work with dog get rid , No a dog is for life , and I’m the one who mum always rings n feels happiest with , brother hasn’t got a clue really , anyway Thankyou for responding to me , means a lot.

One other thing, so you don't feel alone. I didn't mention it before. Mum originally had 2 dogs from same litter and both with different ehaviour issues ( I realise now that they probably came from a dodgy breeder). One of them had major resource guarding issues. Just before mum was diagnosed he was definitely picking up on her stress levels and getting more stressed himself and his behaviour became too dangerous for mum to have him at home.

After much persuasion she let me have him but despite my knowledge of training I couldn't cope either and had to give him away ( it ended up with him being in a happy loving home). Mum said she'd never forgive me for it. I believe this is 100% was set off her dog stealiing fear a couple of years later. Keep trying to invent good/ happy white lies so you don't have to think on your feet when you does to her. One other amusing answer I've given mum is that, when she said she had to go home to look after her lion, I gave her a detailed description of the enclosure het neighbour had made for it on his garden.

 

[Harky]

Unsure if this will help but I purchased a robotic dog 🐕 which is battery operated. It makes noises and moves it's head. Quite realistic especially to someone with dementia. My wife also continually asks about her parents who have long gone (my wife's 80yrs old) . You've just got to find a way to humour them with various responses. It helps to get them through the bad patch and remember, they quickly forget and move onto something else. Perhaps you could use the same tactics for the dogs 🐕.