Mum terrified Again!!

[hrh]

Hi all,

What should we do, once again the same male resident with dm entered mums room in the evening, placing his hands on her and terrified her again, this is the third time, a second pressure mat was placed in mums room by her door so anyone going in the alarm would go off, but they don't seem to be plugging it in, they have offered to move mum to another room, what should we do, this is week 5 and she still not settling, I'm worried another room change will be upsetting again for her. I'm not sure that this is the right setting for her, I believe the day centre is best then home for the evening, but dad doesn't want carers in the morning or evening, he is adjusting to being on his own now, although he is lonely, we have a meeting today just don't know what to say to the home, when it has already be raised twice.

Thank you for listening

H x

 

[annierich]

Hi all,

What should we do, once again the same male resident with dm entered mums room in the evening, placing his hands on her and terrified her again, this is the third time, a second pressure mat was placed in mums room by her door so anyone going in the alarm would go off, but they don't seem to be plugging it in, they have offered to move mum to another room, what should we do, this is week 5 and she still not settling, I'm worried another room change will be upsetting again for her. I'm not sure that this is the right setting for her, I believe the day centre is best then home for the evening, but dad doesn't want carers in the morning or evening, he is adjusting to being on his own now, although he is lonely, we have a meeting today just don't know what to say to the home, when it has already be raised twice.

Thank you for listening

H x

How worrying for you. If I were you I would ask the Care Home what they are doing about the male resident and his behaviour. Your mum shouldn’t be the one who has to move - she’s not the one causing the problems. If you are otherwise happy with the CH I would put the ball in the Ch’s court. Your Dad’s wishes should take precedence over anything else. Good luck and please let us know how you get on at the meeting.

 

[Sirena]

That sounds like a potential safeguarding issue. See what happens in today's meeting but if you aren't happy with how the CH are dealing with it, you could alert SS adult safeguarding and ask them to intervene. My mother's care home briefly had a male resident who was very keen on 'putting hands on' carers and residents, but I assume he was asked to leave as within a few weeks he was gone.

Do you think that your mother moving rooms would solve the problem? If so, it is worth trying. My mother had to move rooms after she had been in her CH for a few weeks as she had a fall and needed a level access room - in fact she moved back and forth twice until finally settling in her current room a year ago. I thought it would unsettle her but she didn't seem at all bothered by it and said how much she liked her new room.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @hrh
it's good that pressure mats have been put down; no real excuse for them not to be plugged in

my dad did move rooms because of a clash with the resident next door and it worked well, a much nicer room and closer to the lounge and staff room, so do consider a move

also, the room doors had the kind of bathroom locks on them, so could be locked by key outside, by staff (who could always, therefore, gain entry), and locked/unlocked by the resident just by turning the 'bolt' handle in the room ... dad liked that and it kept uninvited people out

if your dad can no longer cope with having his wife at home, it's not an option for your mum to move back into their home

do raise all your concerns at the meeting; I hope it goes well

 

[canary]

I think moving rooms could be the answer. My mum had to move rooms temporally when there was a problem in her care home and it didnt seem to worry her to much

PS Could your mum be the one unplugging the alarm mat? My mum was a real pain unplugging everything in sight!

 

[Helly68]

Also, in addition to the good advice above, make sure the CH has a written note on her file about this, so that all staff are aware. This isn't anything negative for your Mum, but makes sure that everyone knows to check regularly and ensure the trigger mat is switched on. I find communications in CH aren't always the best so a note between shifts or teams is a good idea to make sure everyone knows what is going on.
Hope the meeting went well. It can depend on who is present at these meetings. If you have a social worker, make sure they are aware of this as it is, as others have said, a safeguarding issue. if you have to escalate things with the CH, safeguarding is the term to use.

 

[hrh]

Hi all thank you so much for your lovely comments, the meeting went well, the will move mum to another room where there are more ladies who have same stage dementia as mum, so at least she should be able to have some company on same level of communication needs. The ss worker has noted the events and put in her report so it is now formally noted. Also the family have decide to make mum a permanent resident, dad is okay with this, he visited her while we were in the meeting and was happy she was happy. It is a huge weight of everybody to know that at least she is not fighting with dad, hitting or pushing him to get out of the house and home. The uti is an ecoli infection and present all the while, so will only get worse, the antibiotics will not cure it and will soon have no effect so we have to make what time we have as good as we can. You are all so special and again I thank you for your advice and just being able to be honest and open on here is a relief.

H x

 

[canary]

Im glad that the care home have taken on board the familys concern and have sorted it out. It sounds like she will be in a room which is much more sorted to her needs,

Im sorry to hear about the ecoli infection. I hope that she can live out her life in a safe and cared for environment now