mum so frightened


Registered User
Apr 17, 2008
southampton hants

I went to see mum in hospital today and when I got there the care worker and I couldn't find her. After a while, we found her hiding in the male toilet. I was left alone with her, but she wouldn't come out of the toilet and started crying. She can't always speak too well now, but she was trying to tell me that she was hiding because she was going to be punished and that they (the staff) were going to harm her. She thinks it's a crime that she is dirty and smelly ( she isn't she's just incontinent ) and that she is going to be punished for it. The nurse was called over and mum was given Diazepam to calm her. About half an hour later (in her room now) I couldn't control my emotions anymore and started crying in front of her. She thought that they (the staff) had put chemicals into my eyes making them water and they were therefore hurting me. She kept saying that we should stay close and never leave each other because she wanted to protect me from them (the staff). She kept calling me her little girl and got really upset because she thought they'ed made my eyes hurt. It was so so horrible. She is so so frightened all the time. I just want to keep her with me all the time at least she feels safe with me.

The staff seem completly fine in the hospital and I have always found them to be excellent with mum. I just wish they could find an anti-psychotic to stop her being so so frightened it's an awful thing to go through.



Registered User
Mar 23, 2006
Dear Sue.

How distressing for you and your Mum. My husband is currently in hospital being assessed he too experiences moments of "fear" that the staff or other imagined people are going to kill him unfortunately this fear is often followed by aggression and he lashes out at people. Until they get his medication sorted he is in torment and crys a lot. there is not a lot of advice I can offer , I just wanted to say I know what you are going through.

Take Care

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Sue

My husband was also very frightened when he was in hospital recently for assessment.
He did not have the same fears as your mother, but they were just as real.
If it gives you any hope, he is home now. I hope your mother`s fears will be eased with medication and she`ll soon be home too.
Love xx


Registered User
Mar 13, 2008
Hi Sue,

I wish I could offer you reassurance or words of comfort, but sadly, I can't. My lovely mum is going through the same thing as yours and it breaks my heart.

She was prescripted Risperodone and it wasn't until she was given a high dose that her symptoms subsided. The side effects were horrendous, her mobility went and her whole right side dropped like she'd had a stroke. We've reduced her Risperodone slighty and the side effects are much better although she hasn't regained her mobility fully and the doctor thinks its unlikely.

Sadly that fear has returned to her eyes. When I look into her eyes I see a tortured sole and I can't bear it. What am I do...... Do I up the dose again and have her just existing or allow her to live in the terrifying world she is experiencing......She sees frightening men in the room with her, in any shadow or doorway. They are all trying to kill her in the most grotesque way. She can't rest until we give her a Diazapan or Trazodone and then she sleeps and then she wakes into that horrible world again. I do everything I can to reassure her, but very often she tries to hit me or scratch my face because I'm guessing she thinks because I'm not trying to flee, I must be one of them.

I know exactly what you're going through and I know it feels that you can't bear it, but I hope the stay in hospital has a good outcome for your mum, even if she's finding it distressing at the moment. I hope they find the right medication for her and she's able to relax and feel less scared. So try and stay positive and remember, as I try to all the time, that this phase of the illness will eventually pass. Like you, I'm anxiously waiting for that day.

Does any other members have memories of their loved ones going through the same thing, Did it eventually pass or did medication always have to play a part in suppressing it?

My thoughts are with you and your mum, Jane x


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
coast of texas

Mom is gone now, but during the first stages of her dimentia she was scared of life. She reclused herself into her own home and it was up to me to make sure she had food, ate, and took her pills. She was on drugs for that at the time and they seemed not to work, wholly....only partially. /after time it became clear that she needed someone in her home more than what I could do so I moved her into my home.

Still able to do some for herself she moved because I said it would happen. (The dr.s tell me I was luccky she trusted me that much!) We kept on meds and after awhile she startted to feel as if people were trying to kill her with her meds. I would find them in all sort of hiding places, even after I "watched" her swallow. She gave them to my dogs, whatever for her not to take them. After a while I started crushing and putting them in her food. After she accidentally caught me doing that she would have me taste her food. 3days of that was enough! I'm lucky in that I new where I put the meds. in her food. MOm had to have some tests done and it was discovered that the 2 AD pills were causing adverse reactions. 5 more pills to fix that....enough was enough. I talked it over with her dr. We gradually took her off all her meds. I put in my resignation at work and proceeded to home care for her. It was very tough. Because she kept trusting me I had the upper hand. MOst do not. I was able to aleve her fears by being there for her. When things got to the point that I had to move us I arranged for the ouse to be arranged in such a way that new friends would not come in contact and cause new fears.

Everything that we did for the first month here was done in such a way as to make her think it was home. Because it was a 150 + mile move I made sure she was by my side thru it all. (sometimes just sitting in the car) It worked, but as the disease started to take over more her insecurities also began to wain. For every memory she lost she seemed to become more comfortable but at the same times her eyes were always lost and troubled those last 4 months. With mom I recorded her last year on tape and with camera. I have my diaries. Someday they will come into play to help AD. In the meantime I just suggest you keep a straight head about yourself and understand that it is the disease. Her dr.s insist it was the disease.

I hope eventually there will be a comfortable ground for your parents.



Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire
Dear Sue, how horrible this all was for you, I cried to myself reading your post. Be strong, give your mum a cuddle. Once she is cleaned up and fresh again, a cup of tea might help, and perhaps a sticky bun that you have brought in, or a bowl of strawberries and cream, something that you know she enjoys and will make her feel better.

Fingers crossed for you,I am pretty sure that my ideas are of no help. You are doing you your best. keep going.



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