Mum (orginal post - Driving 30/08/11)

[Gill 1]

Morning

I was lulled into a false sense of security when I discussed with my mum about giving up driving she seemed to accept it and we discussed ways for her getting around to her different activities, however, it has been a real rollercoaster of a ride, lots of aggressive and angry phonecalls, wishing she was dead, etc. I can't give her the car back as she is just not safe.

But since then she seems to have taken a dip, and is more confused, she has got a walking holiday booked and she really doesn't want to go.

She rang me earlier hours one morning, saying she had a loose stomach and she was in a mess, so I drove up to see her and helped get cleaned up and cleaned her bathroom ending up staying over and getting up early to get to work. the worry for me is that she hadn't even made an effort in trying to clean it up, which I suppose is normal, and not that I mind doing anything for her.

After a rough day on Saturday with endless angry phone calls she came for the day on sunday and we had lovely day.

I do feel at times that I am sinking and don't know what to do for the best!! When she has good days she is brilliant, but the bad days are bad!

 

[Jo1958]

Gill, hi
You are so right that this is a rollercoaster for everyone envolved, what a worry for you but I have to say that you are doing a wonderful job of protecting and supporting your mum, it is so hard though.

Has your mum had an assessment from Social Services recently, if not then I would suggest that you get one organised and also one for you as her carer, they can be done at the same time. There is help out there but you have to go through the system to get it unless you want to organise and pay for it all yourselves.

I hope you find some support for you both soon, I look forward to hearing how it goes.
With best wishes from Jo

 

[piedwarbler]

It is so hard Gill, thinking of you x

 

[2jays]

Being cruel to be kind

dont know if this will help in your circumstances, but it works for us

Mum only remembers a visit to doc last year where he said she was ok to drive
but not long distances, we had an appointment this year and the doctor
told mum she was unsafe to drive now because of her "dizzy spells" she
only remembers last years appointment and insists she is still ok to drive.

I took her car away to be "repaired" and have left it on my driveway. When she asks when I can bring her car back - I live one 1/2 hours away - I tell her she has to get her licence renewed first. I tell here there is a new over 65 driving test and that I can't book the appointment she has to do it herself and I will take her to the appointment when she has made it.

Now all I have to do when she mentions driving again is say "have you had the driving test appointment through yet, you know the government one" (triggers still help her remember some things said in the past) and also say, "mum you must make one because you know you dont like breaking the law" she is usually fine with this and says she'll sort it out tomorrow or after the phone call - ok its used to be nearly every time she had a problem with transport, but she doesnt feel that its me stopping her driving - strangely she doesnt often talk about her car when I am with her and if she does I ask her to make the appointment after I've gone as we need to do (what ever) now
good luck with this problem
J