Mum not eating

[sdmhred]

About hair cutting, years ago when my mom was in a care home she somehow found scissors. She not only cut her hair but decided other residents could also use a hair cut. (I’m not sure where the staff was when she was doing this.) They kinda all looked like punk rockers after my mom was finish with their hair. The director was great she had a spa day for my mom and the residents whose hair my mom had cut. They brought in a beautician to try to fix everyone’s hair and the aides did everyone’s nails. They then did glamor photos of everyone. Putting fancy hats and scarves on the residents.

Great story @Cardinal 🤣

 

[Monica1927]

Just to add to the wide range of tips above.
I find that fully focusing on the meal time physical process helps. Almost like when encouraging a young child to eat.
I sit directly opposite facing Mum I have the same or similar food or snack. I start to eat, saying how tasty it is, either finger food or with a fork, she will eventually begin to copy what I am doing. I either give her a small portion that she can add to from food on the table between us or an empty plate for her to copy me reaching for something. Only a couple of choices though as too much choice is too stimulating and confusing and large plates can be over-facing and usually get pushed away.

Restrict distractions at meal times as much as possible.
Such as TV or radio or other people walking in. My Mum is easily distracted and will stop eating and lose interest.

Support healthy eating with peeled and sliced fruit or smoothies with no other choices in sight (cakes and biscuits). Enjoy those at a different time of day.

Again like with a young child, do not get cross as they will pick up on your mood. Try to make the meal time as special attention for them.

Maximise the senses to enjoy food and drinks.

Look for food and drinks in familiar packaging such as Tea bags or cereal. Visual and smelling senses help to increase interest, appetite and enjoyment of food...

It may help .. I hope so....

 

[John Mcfarlan]

My mum has been refusing food over the last couple of days. I know this might just be a phase and she might go back to eating but I was wondering what happens if she doesn’t? Will she need to go into hospital? She is still at home with my dad.

 

[John Mcfarlan]

I found the same. My wife didn't want breakfast or lunch when offered but grazed on toffee, chocolate and Liquorice Alsorts (But not the black ones!) during the day. She would only eat half her evening meal. This was the biggest worry for me as her mum starved herself to death in her eighties. So getting calories into her is a concern.

What I do is to present her with small, mostly sweet occasional snacks and a variety of colours.

I give her multivitamins and omega oil first thing, then a slice of toast loaded with butter and honey. At lunchtime a yoghurt with a fruit pocket. In the afternoon a brownie or half a ham or chicken sandwich again loaded with butter. In the evening she still will leave a lot of her fish or chicken but I find if I give her 4 different variety of veg: Sweetcorn, brocolli, potato, butternut squash and carrot she'll eat most of it rather than just potato and one other which she'll leave.

So my guidance would be: Multivitamins and supplements, Sweet if necessary, varied colours, varied components and a little more often. BTW if you put squash, potato and carrot in an air fryer it shrinks, concentrates and sweetens the veg. Hope this helps

 

[John Mcfarlan]

My wife is going that way too. Eats a sweet cereal for breakfast, and in between it's biscuits. At lunchtime (I try to keep a routine) though she will eat a cob filled with anything tasty. After that, though, its back to the biscuits. Sweet fruit helps, like oranges or soft pears. Hard to get her to eat after that. Not on he subject of food, has anyone come across the person they are caring for cutting their hair ( badly )? Our hairdresser came today, and spotted it. I thought I had successfully hidden all the scissors , but I think she found the nail scissors in the bathroom. Didn't count them as scissors. Now they are also hidden. She now has continence problems, the Community Nurse service are coming to assess her next week. It is heart breaking to see.
She still recognise me, and knows her relatives, but when with me, she sits and stares at me, when I ask if she needs anything, she says no, so when I ask why are you staring? she has no answer. Anyone had this experience? Sometimes, as a carer, you feel so alone. Good job we have the forum.

 

[John Mcfarlan]

Hi Mazurka....replied re eating but cutting hair is an issue. At present it's not a big issue as she just trims it but I find the hair in odd places ..actually she still does it quite well.. Won't go to a hairdresser as asking her to meet anyone new is always a problem.

 

[Chunky12]

Sad to say, I am at the end of my tether. Sorted out some continence pants, they are disposable. So she puts them on ---on top of cotton pants!. I asked her why, and she cannot explain. It seems whatever I say, she just ignores. Am I being a bad carer? I don't think so, but I don't think I will be able to cope for what may be years.
Care home? I don't like the idea, but what is the alternative? At this rate, it will probably be me going into a mental ward. What do you do when it gets this bad? Nobody seems to have any answers.

I get what you're saying. As our parent changes the relationship is changing. Role reversal - it's really hard. And I've no answers I'm afraid just empathy and understanding x

 

[Kath610]

My wife is going that way too. Eats a sweet cereal for breakfast, and in between it's biscuits. At lunchtime (I try to keep a routine) though she will eat a cob filled with anything tasty. After that, though, its back to the biscuits. Sweet fruit helps, like oranges or soft pears. Hard to get her to eat after that. Not on he subject of food, has anyone come across the person they are caring for cutting their hair ( badly )? Our hairdresser came today, and spotted it. I thought I had successfully hidden all the scissors , but I think she found the nail scissors in the bathroom. Didn't count them as scissors. Now they are also hidden. She now has continence problems, the Community Nurse service are coming to assess her next week. It is heart breaking to see.
She still recognise me, and knows her relatives, but when with me, she sits and stares at me, when I ask if she needs anything, she says no, so when I ask why are you staring? she has no answer. Anyone had this experience? Sometimes, as a carer, you feel so alone. Good job we have the forum.

Re the hair cutting - I had the same problem when my husband (Alzheimer’s) got carried away when shaving one night and ran the shaver over most of his head. I say “at night “ because he has no concept of time so this was about 9:30. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him - patches of hair on the back of his head and bald everywhere else.
Fortunately our hairdresser is a good friend so I messaged her late at night and she arranged for us to go to the salon first thing the next morning - we were going away for the weekend. She shaved his head completely, which looked awful in my view, but was the only thing to do. It’s growing now and he is trying to say that he quite liked having no hair, it’s much cooler! At this time of the year??
Yes my husband stares blankly too - when I ask him what he’s doing, he doesn’t know. He still eats well but his table manners are going and he slurps a lot. He is ok with a meal all there on the plate but can’t serve himself from serving dishes, usually keeping the serving spoon and eating with that or licking it clean and putting it back in the dish. I make sure his dinner is all on the plate or serve him myself. Just one more sh…y aspect of dementia.

 

[AmIgullible?]

My mum has been refusing food over the last couple of days. I know this might just be a phase and she might go back to eating but I was wondering what happens if she doesn’t? Will she need to go into hospital? She is still at home with my dad.

My mum is eating, at most, two spoonfuls of porridge a day. She’s lost about 60lbs. If the carers try to encourage her, she gets aggressive. I’ve told them not to stress her in anyway. A few more spoonfuls will only keep alive the shell of the woman she was for a little longer.

I’ve agreed with the GP and the care home that she will only go to hospital for a major break (she broke her hip three months ago) or bump on the head (as she is on blood thinners) which is unlikely as she is immobile.

Going into hospital with dementia is just awful. They get frightened at the new environment. My mum screamed for three solid hours until I was a wreck and had to leave. It took 6 nurses to take blood so she could have the op. Then she got very sexually aroused and started shouting inappropriate things at random men, including medics. Not like her at all.

I think you need to come up with a care plan with the district nurse and decide under what circumstances she will go into hospital. I hope this doesn’t scare you but I think it’s really important to take into account: if your mum ends up in hospital, social services will assess her. In my mum’s case, they slapped a Deprivation of Liberty order (DOLs) on her. That meant she was not allowed home again and she could only be released into a care home. To find a care home at short notice is almost impossible. If I were you, I’d start looking at them before you need one. The first one I saw was so awful I cried for three days. I wouldn’t put my dog in there.

They are not cheap. We are paying £6000 a month. I’ve had to sell her flat this week to finance it.
We are all on here to get help/give help. This is an incredible resource, so use it to help you. God bless.

 

[L&N]

My mum has been refusing food over the last couple of days. I know this might just be a phase and she might go back to eating but I was wondering what happens if she doesn’t? Will she need to go into hospital? She is still at home with my dad.

a few things others recommended to me when we had a similar issue:
-small portions placed in the centre of the plate so they are obvious and manageable
-red plates or plates with a bright rim so they stand out on the table (I think there have been some studies about this)
-have snacks lying out in whichever part of the house she would usually sit that are easy to eat like fruits
-fortisip drinks purchased from pharmacy or yoghurt drinks from the shops

-milkshakes worked well for us and I would bring a mcdonalds milkshake sometimes as plenty calories and then framed it as a treat to share rather than her feeling I was forcing her to have weird drinks she wasn't used to

Like Jessbow said check if shes drinking any fluids. If shes not eating or drinking at all for a few days in a row I would contact the doctors.