Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. I can't tell you how much your support means to me and to know that there are people out there who also think that this is a horrible situation and are as shocked by everything as I am. Thank you.
Sometimes I find myself doubting myself and what I think because I don't have any support within my Mums family. Mums sister, my Auntie doesn't offer any support other than coming down and seeing Mum once every 4 or five months for a couple of days and then leaving and saying 'well she's not as bad as you make out, I thought she'd be much worse...' Grrrr I'm sure nearly everyone here unfortunately understands how frustarting that is! She also isn't supportive of the boyfriend issue, I rarely talk to her anymore as I made the decision to cease contact (on my part, not that she's noticed!) as she was upsetting me too much criticising what I do for Mum and generally swinging from promising the world, support and understanding with getting Mum away from the boyfriend to actually phoning me up and saying 'I've been talking to 'boyfriend' and we are both horrified at how unhappy your Mum is now YOU'VE moved her out her home and we want the number of social services to talk to them about you'. Gosh sometimes I don't realise how awful it all is till I write it down! So anyway she's no help.
Someone mentioned my brother, in a nut shell he's 'a boy' and my 'little brother'. He's 21. Even when I'm 84 and he's 80 he'll still be seen as younger and therefore his actions are excused! He's been to see Mum twice since she moved two months ago. He doesn't understand and is an incredibly unhappy and messed up person as a result of my dad leaving and mum getting AD. He moved out of Mums house because social services were starting to compile information of how he was 'abusing' her - financial, mental and something else. It's all such a mess, technically he was, but he wasn't. He was behaving with her the same he's always behaved and couldn't understand that he should treat her differently because she has AD.
I have written down all the phone numbers and links that people have very kindly provided me. I have emailed Mums CPN and asked how long it will take for the capacity assesment to be done and will phone her on Monday. I am pushing for the assesment and then I think I will say I want nothing more to do with it and she is a vulnerable adult and they must decide how to protect her and take it forward. Can I do that?
It's just every decision seems to rest solely upon me and yes it sounds terrible what Mums BF is doing to her and I hate it and him. But Mum also 'loves' him. She often comes back from his house happy and refreshed, as well as the bad things she also tells me good things. I am so confused. He raised his children by himself from babyhood, is he really a bad man? He is very old fashioned and controlling. I am so confused, is he bad or is he, in his mind not doing anything wrong. I wish I knew. What I can't bear is the thought that I will have to decide if they can continue seeing each other. I have this mental picture of me and Mum meeting up on the clouds one day and her being so cross and upset that I intefered and ended her relationship and took away something that is so important to her. I want someone else to make the decision. I will happily give statements and my opinion to the police, social services, anyone who asked but I just don't want to be the one who makes the decision.
Does any of that make sense?? I don't think so. Honestly someone said if this was a film it would be scandelous and shocking... I couldn't agree more, sometimes I can't believe this is my life and how complicated and tiring it is. There is layer upon layer, problem upon problem
Sometimes I find myself doubting myself and what I think because I don't have any support within my Mums family. Mums sister, my Auntie doesn't offer any support other than coming down and seeing Mum once every 4 or five months for a couple of days and then leaving and saying 'well she's not as bad as you make out, I thought she'd be much worse...' Grrrr I'm sure nearly everyone here unfortunately understands how frustarting that is! She also isn't supportive of the boyfriend issue, I rarely talk to her anymore as I made the decision to cease contact (on my part, not that she's noticed!) as she was upsetting me too much criticising what I do for Mum and generally swinging from promising the world, support and understanding with getting Mum away from the boyfriend to actually phoning me up and saying 'I've been talking to 'boyfriend' and we are both horrified at how unhappy your Mum is now YOU'VE moved her out her home and we want the number of social services to talk to them about you'. Gosh sometimes I don't realise how awful it all is till I write it down! So anyway she's no help.
Someone mentioned my brother, in a nut shell he's 'a boy' and my 'little brother'. He's 21. Even when I'm 84 and he's 80 he'll still be seen as younger and therefore his actions are excused! He's been to see Mum twice since she moved two months ago. He doesn't understand and is an incredibly unhappy and messed up person as a result of my dad leaving and mum getting AD. He moved out of Mums house because social services were starting to compile information of how he was 'abusing' her - financial, mental and something else. It's all such a mess, technically he was, but he wasn't. He was behaving with her the same he's always behaved and couldn't understand that he should treat her differently because she has AD.
I have written down all the phone numbers and links that people have very kindly provided me. I have emailed Mums CPN and asked how long it will take for the capacity assesment to be done and will phone her on Monday. I am pushing for the assesment and then I think I will say I want nothing more to do with it and she is a vulnerable adult and they must decide how to protect her and take it forward. Can I do that?
It's just every decision seems to rest solely upon me and yes it sounds terrible what Mums BF is doing to her and I hate it and him. But Mum also 'loves' him. She often comes back from his house happy and refreshed, as well as the bad things she also tells me good things. I am so confused. He raised his children by himself from babyhood, is he really a bad man? He is very old fashioned and controlling. I am so confused, is he bad or is he, in his mind not doing anything wrong. I wish I knew. What I can't bear is the thought that I will have to decide if they can continue seeing each other. I have this mental picture of me and Mum meeting up on the clouds one day and her being so cross and upset that I intefered and ended her relationship and took away something that is so important to her. I want someone else to make the decision. I will happily give statements and my opinion to the police, social services, anyone who asked but I just don't want to be the one who makes the decision.
Does any of that make sense?? I don't think so. Honestly someone said if this was a film it would be scandelous and shocking... I couldn't agree more, sometimes I can't believe this is my life and how complicated and tiring it is. There is layer upon layer, problem upon problem