Morning everyone,
I haven't posted much about the problems that I am having with Mum, I'm not sure why, there's just so many I guess! But I really need to post this and get a bit of support.
I am guessing that this is highly unusual but here goes...
Mum might be pregnant
It is very complex. Mum is in a relationship with a man. He lives about 1.5 hours away. The realtionship began about 2 years ago. He is an absolute b******. Mum met him after her and my dad split up. Immediately we had concerns about him. He was aggressive towards me and my brother, and just generally not a very nice person and very unwilling to get to know us. Mum was diagnosed shortly after their relationship began. Never has he showen any interest in this, taken her to appointments, spoken to any professionals or supported her in any way with the AD. Mum was telling me very upsetting things about him; she was very upset and he was pressuring her into taking part in sexual acts that she didn't want to (I won't go into too much detail!) I then found evidence that he was wanting her to have sex with his friends and men he'd met and each time 'they' would charge these men £50 and wasn't that a great way for her to get a bit of spending money. This was during a time when mum was quite fixated on money and her perceived lack of it.
Mum at this time had no personal fixed opinion on things, that sounds bad I know, but I hope you all know what I'm trying to say. The AD was effecting her in a way that she just didn't know her own mind, for example she would just agree with whoever had spoken to her last. You could tell her black was white and she'd agree, you could stand outside on a beautiful sunny day with her and comment that the weather was bad today and she'd agree. So it wasn't just as simple as 'just say no Mum!'
The police got involved and wanted to arrest him and then social services got involved and did a capacity assesment on Mum and deemed her to have capacity to consent to the acts within the realtionship, something which I would fully disagree with. The whole thing was dropped and the relationship continues. I have since found out from a friend who works for the Alzheimers Society that Mum's 'case' is now used in group discussions as an example of how social services can mess up the capacity assesments.
So after that long winded background info Mum is still seeing this man. He makes her get the bus every friday from her house to a main bus station an hour away, change buses by herself and get off the bus at a meeting point. He brings her back on Sunday. He is adamant their is nothing wrong with her and what is wrong with her is mainly down to me and my 'treating her like a child'. He is very controlling of her, how she wears her hair, when she is allowed it cut, what she can wear, how she must behave etc etc and insists that he will only talk to me on the phone if I can talk to him with the respect that he deserves. However Mum is very firmly in her routine of going to see him and very much is in love with the idea of having a man. Not so much him, but the idea of being in a relationship and having a man. He is wanting her to sell up and them to buy a house together away from me and her support here. I am opposing this as I have POA and he is very 'anti me' due to that and puts a lot of pressure on Mum to get me to change my mind and in his words 'give him control of all her finances and assets'.
Anyway Mum always moans constantly when she has her period, I mean all the time as I think it's becoming a bit unmanageable for her. I realised she hasn't moaned about it for a long time. I have checked and she's not had it. She is still in her relationship. He makes her take the contraceptive pill as 'there's nothing wrong with her memory'. She hasn't been taking her pill. I have spoken with her CPN about this and we have managed to arrange a 'well woman' check at the GPs for her today. Basically a blood test to see if she's pregnant. Mum doesn't know any of this, she just thinks she's going for a 'well woman' check.
This is all just becoming so unmanageable for me. The new CPN is horrified that Mum is in a relationship with this man, the memory clinic are horrified each time we go and I say they are still seeing each other. Her consultant has written letters to social services stating in his opinion this should be stopped as she is a vulnerable adult and doesn't have the capacity to consent to this. As Mums just moved area we have a new CPN who is arranging a psychiatrist to come and do another capacity assesment on her. What if she's pregnant? What on earth do I do then?
Sorry it all came a bit spilling out! I just feel so overwhelmed by it and the whole sorry mess What if she's pregnant
I haven't posted much about the problems that I am having with Mum, I'm not sure why, there's just so many I guess! But I really need to post this and get a bit of support.
I am guessing that this is highly unusual but here goes...
Mum might be pregnant
It is very complex. Mum is in a relationship with a man. He lives about 1.5 hours away. The realtionship began about 2 years ago. He is an absolute b******. Mum met him after her and my dad split up. Immediately we had concerns about him. He was aggressive towards me and my brother, and just generally not a very nice person and very unwilling to get to know us. Mum was diagnosed shortly after their relationship began. Never has he showen any interest in this, taken her to appointments, spoken to any professionals or supported her in any way with the AD. Mum was telling me very upsetting things about him; she was very upset and he was pressuring her into taking part in sexual acts that she didn't want to (I won't go into too much detail!) I then found evidence that he was wanting her to have sex with his friends and men he'd met and each time 'they' would charge these men £50 and wasn't that a great way for her to get a bit of spending money. This was during a time when mum was quite fixated on money and her perceived lack of it.
Mum at this time had no personal fixed opinion on things, that sounds bad I know, but I hope you all know what I'm trying to say. The AD was effecting her in a way that she just didn't know her own mind, for example she would just agree with whoever had spoken to her last. You could tell her black was white and she'd agree, you could stand outside on a beautiful sunny day with her and comment that the weather was bad today and she'd agree. So it wasn't just as simple as 'just say no Mum!'
The police got involved and wanted to arrest him and then social services got involved and did a capacity assesment on Mum and deemed her to have capacity to consent to the acts within the realtionship, something which I would fully disagree with. The whole thing was dropped and the relationship continues. I have since found out from a friend who works for the Alzheimers Society that Mum's 'case' is now used in group discussions as an example of how social services can mess up the capacity assesments.
So after that long winded background info Mum is still seeing this man. He makes her get the bus every friday from her house to a main bus station an hour away, change buses by herself and get off the bus at a meeting point. He brings her back on Sunday. He is adamant their is nothing wrong with her and what is wrong with her is mainly down to me and my 'treating her like a child'. He is very controlling of her, how she wears her hair, when she is allowed it cut, what she can wear, how she must behave etc etc and insists that he will only talk to me on the phone if I can talk to him with the respect that he deserves. However Mum is very firmly in her routine of going to see him and very much is in love with the idea of having a man. Not so much him, but the idea of being in a relationship and having a man. He is wanting her to sell up and them to buy a house together away from me and her support here. I am opposing this as I have POA and he is very 'anti me' due to that and puts a lot of pressure on Mum to get me to change my mind and in his words 'give him control of all her finances and assets'.
Anyway Mum always moans constantly when she has her period, I mean all the time as I think it's becoming a bit unmanageable for her. I realised she hasn't moaned about it for a long time. I have checked and she's not had it. She is still in her relationship. He makes her take the contraceptive pill as 'there's nothing wrong with her memory'. She hasn't been taking her pill. I have spoken with her CPN about this and we have managed to arrange a 'well woman' check at the GPs for her today. Basically a blood test to see if she's pregnant. Mum doesn't know any of this, she just thinks she's going for a 'well woman' check.
This is all just becoming so unmanageable for me. The new CPN is horrified that Mum is in a relationship with this man, the memory clinic are horrified each time we go and I say they are still seeing each other. Her consultant has written letters to social services stating in his opinion this should be stopped as she is a vulnerable adult and doesn't have the capacity to consent to this. As Mums just moved area we have a new CPN who is arranging a psychiatrist to come and do another capacity assesment on her. What if she's pregnant? What on earth do I do then?
Sorry it all came a bit spilling out! I just feel so overwhelmed by it and the whole sorry mess What if she's pregnant