• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Mum is reaching the end if her journey

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
Blackpool
Oh Lavender we shared TP for so long both our Mums seemingly going through the same dreadful stages and today I'm sat at Mums bedside having had our GP here last night telling me we were entering end of life and put in place a "just in case" pack for Mum and I know have the DN's on board for the daytime and hospice homecare nurses throughout the night. Coming to terms with this brought me back to TP and they you were Lavender our Mums paths still much the same.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you much love and more of those big ((((hugs)))) That use to keep us going.
Your Mum is finally at peace now.
Irene xxxx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,558
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @rosy18
You are now entering the twilight waiting zone
Im glad things are in place.
Stay strong and dont forget to eat. Try to sleep
xx
 

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
Blackpool
@canary Thank you for the very much appreciated hugs.
I have a wonderful carer for Mum she has been coming for 3 years and bless her each time she comes she will ask if I've eaten, very easy to forget though. Over the years of caring for Mum I seem to have reached a 5 hour max sleep pattern 😞.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @rosy18
You are now entering the twilight waiting zone
Im glad things are in place.
Stay strong and dont forget to eat. Try to sleep
xx
@rosy - thinking of you and as canary says take time to sleep and eat

It can take a while.

Hugs JM xxx
@jugglingmum Thank you also for the hugs. Yes our Doctor said it can take a while. What he did say was he thinks Mum's just running out of puff.
I'm grateful he has put everything in place it's a great comfort to know I've got people I can contact 24/7 xx
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
566
@Lavender45 - my sincere sympathies.
Sorry this is somewhat belated, but I am not on TP as much these days. Be gentle with yourself over the coming days, it is a very strange time 'feelings-wise'. We all grieve in different ways and at different times.
X
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,609
Liverpool
Thank you everyone for your kind words, they mean a lot.

Rosie I'm sorry your mum has reached the end stages. I can only say mum was peaceful in her last few days and I pray for that for your mum too. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers. X
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,629
Hampshire
I'm sorry for your loss @Lavender45 . I don't come in here much myself these days, but just happened to see your post. It's tough this wanting them to be released from the dementia, but not wanting to lose them. It will be hard, but it will get easier, though I don't think the trauma/anguish of what we have experienced ever goes away. I'm nearly a year and a half on from losing my mum, and I still struggle with it all and have had some awful dreams. It is just such an awful illness, awful for the individual and dreadfully hard for the carers/family to witness the symptoms.

May your mum rest in peace, and my condolences.

I hope you don't mind me giving a wave to @rosy18 here - sorry to hear your mum is really poorly now rosy. I wish you and your mum some comfort and you lots of strength for the days ahead.
 

pvlady

New member
May 23, 2020
2
Hi. It's been a very long time since I posted on talking point, so it feels cheeky doing so now.

Mum hasn't been eating or drinking properly for around 10 days. She is in a care home and has had 2 rounds of antibiotics in case she has an infection, but they have not improved things. Today the home have informed me that she has been prescribed end of life drugs.

I don't think I'm daft. I knew we were heading in this direction, yet I feel totally blindsided. I feel numb, but the tears keep welling up at the drop of a hat. I thought I was so prepared for this. Boy have I been fooling myself! I want her to stay so much, but I also don't want her to stay and be subjected to any further time living with this awful disease. If only there had been a cure. I know none of us can go on forever. I just wish somehow we could.
My mother is in the same position. She had a fever on May 8 and 9, then got a yeast infection and stopped eating and drinking. She went to the hospital 7 days ago with a heart rate of 150 and difficulty breathing. THey said it was due to dehydration. Her heart rate came down, but she is still on oxygen and hasn't eaten anything in almost 2 weeks. She is also not taking any meds. Of course, because of the COVID, we are not allowed into the hospital to see her and say good-bye. I think the end is very near, but I feel especially bad that she has to die alone.
 

Melilaw

Registered User
May 24, 2020
10
Mum is definitely heading towards the end of all this. We were finally allowed in yesterday. So far she hasn't needed drugs. She's pretty peaceful, mumbling a bit for her mum which is heartbreaking. Her breathing is shallow, but steady. She's not responding to us, but she is answering the staff when they ask is she in pain she says no.

This should be all about mum, but I'm selfish enough to be thinking about me. I don't want her to be waiting and waiting to go. If there were the smallest chance she could turn this around and start eating and drinking again I'd want it. I'd want her to stay a while longer, but that is not to be. She has to leave and because that is so I want her to leave swiftly. Watching and waiting is sheer torture. There is nothing right about dementia. Having watched mum from the general forgetfulness at the start and the covering it up, because with hindsight she did, to today it's an utterly vile disease which I hate with such a passion!
I so understand what you are saying and feeling. So much anguish and heartbreak. I hope she is free soon as I hope this for my mum. It is agonising especially at this time.
 

Buttercup24

Registered User
Jul 17, 2016
22
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Covid has been such a pain with so many restrictions on every day life, but it has speeded up the death admin process considerably. I couldn't go to see the undertaker, the funeral arrangements were made on the phone. The death was registered on the phone too. No waiting for an appointment to see them. An unexpected upside to covid.

Friends have texted saying how sorry they are and asking am ok? I don't know. I think I'm ok. I'm not the emotional wreck I expected to be. I tried to make myself cry, but couldn't. Over the past few days I sobbed at the drop of a hat yet now tears won't come. I wanted her to stay so much, yet now she's gone there's nothing. There's no mum and there's no emotion. It's a weird place to be and I suspect unhealthy feeling so emotionless. I'm sure it's better to cry than be dry eyed, but tears aren't coming right now.
Hello I am new to the forum, my thoughts are with you, at this time I sit with my mum watching her cling onto life, she has been end of life for some time, but I see how frail she is just lying in bed, does not know me, and just stares at me when her eyes open. I think to myself please let her rest in peace now, but wont happen, I leave her until the next time I visit with an emptiness.
A very big hug to you, you have all the happy memories of your mum, thoughts with you.