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Mum is constantly abusive - can't take any more

justgettingby

Registered User
Dec 31, 2014
4
Mum, 60, has early-onset Alzheimer's. Three years in now. She spends every day ranting, swearing, shouting, screaming. Won't wash, won't brush teeth, refuses to take tablets, sometimes incontinent, carers are saying they might not come round any more because she's so aggressive, she's been tested for UTI but all clear and doctors say they can't change any of her medication. We can't stand this any longer. Alzheimer's websites talk about living a "good life" but this is a constant hell. Is the time right to think of a care home? Would they even take her like this? And does anyone have any experience of getting power of attorney. My dad (her main carer) is trying to get it sorted but it seems to take for ever.

Sorry for all the questions, just really need some help and advice! Any responses massively appreciated.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

clareglen

Registered User
Jul 9, 2013
318
Cumbria
I think they can give some sedation. Not something that knocks them out but some modern anti depressants that take the edge off & make life a bit more comfortable. I've no experience but the care home my mum was in mentioned it that they'd keep an eye on her for it but she didn't need any. Regarding POA, download the forms, fill them in (took me 3 weeks to get my head around them) & if you can get your mum to sign, fine, if not your dad can do it. Send off with fee. Then takes about 9 weeks.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,319
East Kent
Hello. Please make no apologies for asking questions on here, this is is exactly what TP is for as well as cyber support.

I am sorry to hear your mum is so aggressive.
I think you need to make things very clear to mum's doctors exactly how mum is. I guess you already have but sadly some just don't seem to understand how tough it can get. So you need to keep on and on. Perhaps record a little on your phone so the DRs can hear for themselves.
Have they said why they can't change mums medication , if it is because of other health issues, their may be other medications they can try
I am also wondering if mum needs to go in for a proper assessment .

Lasting power of Attorney is what you need rather than Power of Attorney which lapses when a person loses capacity.

My apologies I have not re read any of your posts.
is your dad doing the LPA himself or is he using a solicitor . If dad is doing it himself then it may be that he is finding it to difficult what with looking after mum, so may need a bit of help .
 
Last edited:

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
We had a similar experience with mum. We managed to get an appointment with a specialist psychiatrist, he was able to prescribe medication which stopped mum being aggressive, and believe me, she was awful. This was stuff that a regular GP could not prescribe. You need to involve social services and get something done immediately, ring them on Monday and talk, mention carer breakdown perhaps.

As to LPA, I have a feeling that contrary to what a previous poster says, if your mum won't sign your dad can't sign for her.
I imagine your dad is under so much pressure that sorting out LPA would be really tough, so if he's doing it on his own I would suggest taking this on yourself or getting a solicitor.
I hope you manage to hang on and that things can be improved.
 

clareglen

Registered User
Jul 9, 2013
318
Cumbria
With regard to POA what I meant by 'sign' was, the prospective attorney can submit the application (p2 of application form there is a tick box as to either the donor or the attorney applying). I was fortunate that I got the POA done just in time & got mum on a really good day (mum told neighbour she'd been meaning to do it for ages) to sign it with her neighbour there as witness & as the certificate provider. On the application form you can submit it from the attorney, ie., your dad or yourself if you're going to be one of the attorneys. You just need time to sit & read through it all & maybe your dad isn't up to it with everything that's going on, but you could do all the paperwork for him & go through it with him.
 

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