When my brother went to mums today at 4.30 to take her teatime meal, all curtains and blinds were drawn and mum was in bed. He said she was really confused (usual) and got her up so she could have something to eat. He encouraged her to drink some water but she accused him of trying to trick her. Managed to get her to eat a little but she said she just wanted to go home to her mother and dad. She was ok when he left and carer who called at 7pm said she seemed fine. Mum has a wound on her leg following a fall which is now infected and has started a course of antibiotics today which carers are administering,plus she had her booster covid vaccination done today by a nurse from her gp practice. Upshot is it’s my turn to go see to her tomorrow and I spend most of the day with her doing whatever is needed- washing cleaning shopping etc. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared she will be in bed again when I arrive as she doesn’t seem to know day from night. I’m overthinking things really as my gut instinct would be to let her sleep if she is asleep in bed but should I wake her. God knows she’s really had enough and has no quality of life . She doesn’t remember that one of us goes to see her every day so she always says no one ever visits and she never speaks to a living soul. Sorry for the rant but I find myself totally inadequate to deal with all this.
Mum in bed at 4 pm.
- Thread starter Bradford lass
- Start date
Hi. I have a similar situation with my dad. He wants to go to bed at about 17.00. He is immobile and has to be assisted by 2 carers to use the equipment. Unfortunately at teatime he is really tired and confused but only has 1 carer so has to wait . But if I'm there then myself and the tea time carer put him to bed at 17.00. These days I tend to go with the flow. I try not to wake dad when he's in bed but tip toe around.He is 89 .So if she is asleep , personally I would leave her sleep.But you know your mum best.
i'm thinking itsperhaps time for a hom. She'd hve company 24 hours, and it matters less which hours you are awake - there are sttaff 24 hours.
my old mum just got so tired, slept pretty much all day in the chair , snd i was doing well if i could keep her up until 6pm news on TV. i'd often have her ready for bed by 5.30 and tucked in by 6. Sh would sleep right through until morning. To be honest, it was my salvation!
my old mum just got so tired, slept pretty much all day in the chair , snd i was doing well if i could keep her up until 6pm news on TV. i'd often have her ready for bed by 5.30 and tucked in by 6. Sh would sleep right through until morning. To be honest, it was my salvation!
Most of us feel the same way, inadequate and not sure what to do. On the edge of hysteria sometimes. A lot of the confused behaviour could be from the infection, so if she’s only just started the antibiotics it might be a few days until you see any improvement.
I don’t know about letting her sleep, that’s up to you. I used to wake mum up because she always enjoyed seeing me and soon went back to sleep when I’d gone. But if your mum is more agitated or distressed by being woken up, letting her sleep would be kinder. (Unless she’s due for a dose of antibiotics, obv. ).
I don’t know what else to say, what you’re doing is so hard and so stressful. Nobody knows unless they’ve done it, and even then they don’t know how it feels to you. You can only do your best and no more. Make sure you (and mum) are getting all the help you’re entitled to.
Agree that it's time for you and brother to contact social services, and start researching options including care homes - her confusion about time is going to get more pronounced, and you shouldn't feel guilty. You are absolutely not inadequate - you are obviously a loving family, and part of the manifestation of that love is being able to call in the outside agencies. Someone on this forum said there comes a point when a person with dementia's needs outstrip their wants, at which point our role is to make sure they get the best standard of care, even if that goes against everything we'd want for them in an ideal world (because that ship sailed the moment the diagnosis came in). Huge hugs xxx
Thanks to all who responded so kindly to my rant. Went to mums this afternoon and she was awake and seemed fine. She said she felt ok and was her usual confused self! She dropped off while I was there which was ok as I was able to then search for her clothes that needed to be washed- she usually hides the underwear. Put a wash on and hung outside, dried and put away by the time I left at 6pm. We have gently suggested the option of a retirement ”hotel” but she will not entertain that. I’m sure (well maybe) that she would benefit from having company/ activities in a care home but how do we get her in if she refuses. My brother has requested a further care assessment from social services but if she still refuses to go into a care home then we will continue to do what we do.
Yes the infection is probably a factor plus she had her booster covid vaccination yesterday at home as well. Combination of those 2 may have been the reason.
