Mum Hit a carer... Again

[2jays]

Just spoken to manager of mums care home.

Mum has grabbed and hit around the face a certain carer - again

This is a carer, moved to work in residential floor because they have up to date "dementia care training"

Manager talking about anti anxiety drugs. Did mention aricept, but for some reason, I'm not happy with using aricept.

Can you give me the names of anti anxiety drugs please. There is one in the back of my mind that I thought, from reading on here, would suit mum, forgot to write it down and not in fit state to go searching.

Sorry brain going nineteen to dozen, can't think straight

They are also talking of moving mum "up stairs" to dementia unit.
End of July.

Mum has enough awareness that upstairs is for the nutty ones (her words) and shes nit nutty, and will never move up there. Talked about a move "up stairs" when she wanted to "get away" from her (supposed) partner

Ohhhhhhh [moderated words if I type them]


Looks like I am on the hunt for a new care home...
My choice.

I have been telling them for months about mum and her "partner"
And that this carer rubs mum up the wrong way...

And now mum has reacted.....

So much for "up to date" dementia care training......

 

[Carabosse]

Sorry to hear your mum is having problems with a carer, can they not change carers for her?
Mum has queitapine, it works wonders, but if given in too high a dose can make the person a walking zombie (found that out the hard way).

 

[2jays]

Sorry to hear your mum is having problems with a carer, can they not change carers for her?
Mum has queitapine, it works wonders, but if given in too high a dose can make the person a walking zombie (found that out the hard way).

That's the one. Thank you!!!

What dose suited your mum?

Was thinking of starting small and moving up with the dose.

 

[2jays]

Change carers?

Answer - mum is one of many, and the other residents like this carer.....

Well they would, they are residents, mum and one other have more severe dementia, and mums is still not too bad compared to the people upstairs.

 

[starryuk]

mum is one of many, and the other residents like this carer.....

... but your mum doesn't!

My mum recently 'took agin' the activity co-ordinator, who is lovely, takes mum out to Tesco with her sometimes etc.
Suddenly this poor lady was 'running in and out of the house, stealing things...Look there she goes again...watch her!' She got dragged out of the office by mum one day.

I kept telling Mum that she was my friend. Told her that my friend would never steal etc. Joked around a bit with her (the activity coordinator). We put on a bit of an act and Mum is now fine with her again.

Is this a possibility with you and your mum?

 

[Saffie]

I'm so sorry you now have this to worry you 2jays.
Is there any point in moving your Mum to a new care home if the same thing might happen again?
Surely, it is possible for this carer not to have many dealings with your mother. Though I suppose it is harder when residents are all mobile.
Dave hit a carer last autumn but, although he sometimes gets 'agitated' he hasn't done it again. I'm pretty sure it was because he was in pain from his hand and they accidentally hurt him. It happened during personal care.
They keep a behaviour chart for him now.
It's really up to the home to come up with a solution.

 

[starryuk]

They keep a behaviour chart for him now.

My mum too.

I am/was a teacher and it reminds me so much of the records we had to keep of disruptive children!

Am constantly worrying about another 'bad mark' on the chart and being called in to the office! That reminds me of a few occasions when I was called into the head's office if my own children were in trouble!!

 

[Grannie G]

Hello 2jays

I also doubt a different home would solve this problem. Sadly there seems to be an in between stage when some residents are not quite ready for the EMI unit but need too much provision in the basic residential unit.

My mother was in an EMI unit and referred to all other residents as `nutters`. She did settle eventually and the increased staff ratio ensured her needs were met.

As for the calming medication. I would ask your mother`s doctor for advice.

 

[Carabosse]

Mum is on a 25mg dose, she was on 75mg for a while and as I said she was like a walking Zombie sleeping during the day or half awake, I would get the Dr to start at 25mg your mum might not need any more than that?

 

[Carara]

There`s always One

I also don`t agree with moving your mom,

I think they should change the carer for a while and see what happens

I have found that there is mainly one person who they don`t get along with

Social worker along with members of TP told me this

That person will take insults,verbal aggression,physical aggression etc

I know Im that person

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Manager talking about anti anxiety drugs. Did mention aricept, but for some reason, I'm not happy with using aricept.

May I ask why you're not happy with using Aricept? I found it helped my mother's moods a great deal for some time. We had fewer complications and side effects with the Alzheimer's drugs than we did with the anti-anxiety and anti-psychotics. If I were you, I would give Aricept a try, for at least 2 months, if not 3. If you don't find there is an improvement in your mother's behaviour, you can then try either another AD drug or either an anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic. In fact, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics and AD drugs can all be used at the same time. I have personal experience of this with my mother.

My mother has had a tumultuous course of disease. Years ago, when she was in her physically violent stage, she kicked and punched many people, including other residents. It was a very difficult time and we had some heart-breaking days. I hope your mother does not get to the extreme stage my mother did.

 

[Dazmum]

Aricept really helped my mum too, 2Jays.

She also has a male carer that she didn't like for a while, but my dad didn't like him either so that may have coloured mum's view of him, he always seems fine, but he isn't doing things for me of course. There is another new chap she was very cross with too because he wouldn't let her go out on her own , but they do change them around within the home so by the time they come back via the rota she has forgotten that there was a problem. Sadly my mum has to be in the EMI unit to keep her from wandering off, but there are a number of residents there that are similar or even better and are there for the same reason. She has made some friends there now, with those that are more able to communicate tending to sit with each other. Mum gets cross with residents that 'won't' speak to her when she says hello to them, and doesn't really believe me when I say that they aren't well and can't respond, she just thinks they are rude, and therefore doesn't like them. It's all really hard, and I'm sorry you are having problems xxxx

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I tried replying once, 2Jays then lost the connection... What I was saying was that I hope you can avoid the stressful chore of finding a different care home. It's no party, as I'm sure you already know.

I'm sorry your mum was provoked by the carer, but I do hope the carer is OK. yes she should have known better, but sometimes things are unpredictable, and anyway, it's not nice to be on the receiving end of a blow.

My mum did pretty well on Aricept too.

I hope the rest of the day has been less stressful for you and you are beginning to think more clearly about things. There were places such as your 'upstairs' unit that I refused to let my mum go to, so I understand your mum's reluctance, but finding something that suited my mum properly took a lot of searching and quite a few refusals.

 

[doodle1]

Awful isn't it when your loved one starts hitting people. worst nightmare. mum started hitting dad [badly] but was put on Citralopam and things have improved, fingers crossed.
Do be honest with your docs -my heart goes out to you
xx

 

[2jays]

Thank you all.

Phew! What a day. Didn't help that I had over slept due to a very bad nightmare last night...... Which appears to have been foretelling my day today....

Got to the care home and "hid" so mum couldn't see me arrive and spoke to carer mum hit. She's fine. She said it was "out of the blue" again. Mum and her chatting, then mum wanted to get into the drugs cupboard as she was insistant that carer hadn't given her the right drugs, carer asked mum to stop trying to get into drugs cupboard and mum flew at her hitting out and telling carer she was a silly little girl and to stop interfering.... Oooh I can hear mum saying that... Brings back memories of when I was younger.... and mum watching me change my new baby's nappy for the first time..... I can hear her saying "you are doing that all wrong you silly girl, give the baby to me and I will sort your mess out" and when I wouldn't.... She hit me over the head.... This was over 25 years ago....

Good face to face meeting with manager and 2nd manager.
They are not moving her to top floor
They are contacting psyc to say its at crisis point, so hopefully get mum up the waiting list....
Contacting social services for some reason.... No idea why - wont hold my breath still waiting for contact back nearly 1 year after requesting ...
GP won't prescribe anything until mum seen psyc.

A full care meeting is going to be called.... Will be our first official one...

Have a behaviour chart being done on mum since last episode so they have noticed the "theme" that mum only really agitate when this carer is on. Had a nod and wink from manager when she said I will look further into this.....

I Spoke to mum privately in her room about was she happy where she was living? Were the staff ok? Mum really happy with place, and all the staff were wonderful....

This major agitation towards staff only happens in the evening. It builds up during the day towards her "partner" her "partner" is doing his best to avoid mum as much as possible, but mum hunts him out worrying about him and trying to encourage him to go somewhere to get help as he's not all there and should be in a proper place where he can be looked after. Not living in "their home" where she can't do anything for him.

"Partner" has Alzheimer's. Is calm, happy to watch the world go round him, so long as he is fed, and warm. Doesn't like mum shouting at him....

Consensus of opinion is to try to identify, as much as possible, mums thought processes when she is sundowning, which is difficult, as it doesn't build up, more like suddenly explodes.

Also.... Not going to move mum. Deep down inside I know they are working well with mum

Very experienced manager told me mum was quite unique in her behaviour patterns. They have told me they have to find out how to manage mum appropriately at this care home. This type of behaviour can be seen from people with full EMI needs, not someone like mum who is basically residential with a couple of hours of full EMI needs. Was told it was nothing they couldn't handle.

Very please to hear they thought mum was unique and it was up to them to find the right care for mum.

 

[2jays]

No idea why I don't like the thought of apricept.

Something may be that was said in the past that made me think "not for mum"

I shall follow experienced advice and not refuse if its suggested.

Any thing that stops mum hitting out, keeps her calm and not agitated, I am open to suggestions like you wonderful people have given me.

 

[2jays]

Thanks Kassy. Thinking of you too. xxxxxx

 

[nellbelles]

I am glad the day ended on a more positive note than it started.

At least you know the staff are working in yours and your Mums best interests.

I'm sure that a move now would be difficult for your Mum and hard, hard work for you.

Helen x x

 

[Saffie]

Gosh, that sounds like a very productive meeting 2jays.
I'm sure you will have better dreams tonight.
Glad it's working out as you would want. X

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I'm relieved to hear your news 2Jays. It does sound as if they are being very constructive. Hope you manage a calmer night tonight with no nightmares. Don't eat cheese at bedtime, will you? x