Mum has early stages

[KAS89]

Hi all

Don’t know if this is the right place but it’s a start and I’m not coping.

Mums memory has significantly deteriorated over the last 4 years. We’ve had concerns for some time. 20 a day smoker and she drinks every day (small amounts but over a long time).

Shes 71 (I’m 34) and lives independently, drives etc.

She was admitted to hospital at the end of last year with a chest infection and I raised concerns about her memory with the doctors during this time.

A referral was sent for the memory clinic (we are based in Scotland).

The appointment finally came through and we attended yesterday. We were there for two hours, they completed the Addenbrooks cognitive test.

At the end of the appointment, the nurse told my mum she wasn’t allowed to drive during the assessment period.

My mum seemed to take this okay at the time, but things escalated yesterday and I ended up having to take her car away to my own house as I couldn’t trust that she wouldn’t get behind the wheel, which felt absolutely horrific

We are waiting for CT scan brain and then review with memory consultant in a few weeks. Almost certain her license will be taken away.

I am absolutely heartbroken. It’s always been the two of us. I don’t know how to do this. Can’t stop crying. She seems to young.

I am married with a little boy and I’m 5 months pregnant with our second baby.

Do support groups exist or support phone lines? My husband is doing his best but can’t really understand what I’m feeling, he ends up quite stressed with it all and me, when I’m worked up and upset.

Any help would be appreciated. Don’t have a clue how to navigate this. My mum is angry and seems to take the worst out on me.

 

[leny connery]

I was a carer and I worked with dementia patients, and yet, I still find it hard to understand, tolerate or accept the impact of dementia on us/families. I hate it what happens to my husband sometimes too So,. I can understand how you are feeling, and how your husband is too. It is horrid. Support group exists, like admiral nurse of carer support etc. ask your GP maube? look after your young family. It is important you do not get lost and sucked in with mum's demands and problematic behaviour, Age UK is another good leaed, and the help and support leads in this site. Good luck

 

[Gosling]

Hello @KAS89 and firstly welcome to this supportive and friendly forum. Members here really do want to help, and are happy to share their experience of dementia.
I am sorry to read about your Mum, and that fact that you are having to go through the diagnosis process. There's no two ways around it - it is heartbreaking to have to support a loved one and see that changes that can occur. I do feel for you.
You have to look after yourself, and your family, and your unborn child. There is support available and I will attach a few links below that you may find helpful.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline

Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.

www.dementiauk.org

You may also like to thing about getting Social Services involved with a care needs assessment for your Mum, and a carer's assessment for yourself. Get SS involved as early as you can would be my advice.

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Please do keep posting - you will always find support and understanding on this forum.

 

[SherwoodSue]

Just today I am thinking what a difficult day it has been with my mum
But I have retired I am not pregnant with a small child !
I really feel for you. One significant symptom is that they are completely unaware at how the dementia impacts themselves and these around them.
I booked myself in to talk to a counsellor privately paid for. I have posted here and phoned the nurses.
You will need to put boundaries in place. It’s not being selfish you have yourself and your family to think of.
This illness sucks. ))))Hugs((((

 

[Liiz]

Hi @KAS89. My mum is 70, diagnosed with Alzheimer's Dec 22, been showing signs for 3 years prior. Like you I have young children. Just before Christmas we got carers in to help with mum and dad for 2 hours a day. (My dad has multiple health needs to) This has been a god send. It is easy to think "I'll do it all, I want to help". I did this and thought this since September last year. Upshot was, my children and I were suffering. I have to shield my children a little now which is heart-breaking. But my mum cannot change who she is now. What has helped me mentally is accepting that my mum - my real mum - not my Alzheimer's mum, died 3 years ago and I didn't know. Although I see her everyday, twice, it has allowed me to step back a little, and start to say goodbye to her and the person I knew.

You have to put your children and you first - I would suspect your mum would want you to do that anyway.

Sending love - it is the worst disease.

 

[JoannePat]

Hi @KAS89 there are so many amazing support groups out there. Someone mentioned your GP, just pop in to reception and they may have leaflets and contact numbers, there may also be a local support group (face to face).

You may want to start the ball rolling of getting your mum into some local groups too, this will be a great weight off your shoulders when your new baby arrives. Just knowing that our PWD is out and about for the day with carers and volunteers is really helpful. It takes the anxiety away of "what are they up to now?".

Good luck and sending thoughts

XX