I'm wondering what I can do for my mum to relieve her of some stress of being with my dad. Dad is 69 and deemed still capable of living at home. (He's monitored by the memory service, allegedly) The main issues are his frustration, agitation, confusion at certain times and verbal aggression with some physical aggression she says, which occurs if she tries to tell him things. She still has a little part time job, which she enjoys and gives her a break but his constant phoning to ask where she is, is making it more difficult and she does worry about leaving him because he can leave doors open etc. The only support she gets is 6 hours on a Friday by Crossroads respite, who are excellent, but it costs her approx £70 per session (time, their petrol fee, money for lunch etc) so although she would like more it is very expensive. She is not coping or able to manage the symptoms of stress at all and has so many physical symptoms of anxiety and stress such as constant upset stomach/stomach pains, water infections, feeling constantly sick. She's been to drs and needs to have tests, but it all seems to have occurred with my dad's worsening symptoms. She has an admiral nurse, not very helpful, and I have requested further support from mental health services, it's all so long winded though, the sw has been to see what else he could do to give my mum a break, but in the meantime..... I work full time and am half hour drive away and have other commitments, however, I am going to drop a day a week work to try to help out. I have tried so hard to think of things that would be helpful, but I'm so worried about the consequences for both of them. It's terrible that there doesn't seem to be any "proper" help to support my mum to be able to help my dad remain at home. Mum's at her wits end, feels run down and fears the future, I can see how she feels, but out of ways to support her. Anyone going through similar or have some ideas?
Mum has carer's stress causing physical symptoms
- Thread starter blueyorkie
- Start date
She should start by asking social services for a carer's assessment. Also try Age UK to see what is available locally. Would he consider going to a Day Centre?
Thanks for response. Age concern are involved, they tried him unsuccessfully in one group and phoned me to say it was not appropriate and that he was so anxious and distressed at being there. They have failed to come up with anything else. The problem is that pre-dementia my dad would never have gone to any groups, he had no hobbies or interests and was not very sociable, so trying to get him to accept this type of input now is really difficult, although we may have to resort to it I guess. I'm going to chase up the sw to see if she has come up with anything and will mention a carers assessment. Thanks
I am going through many of the symptoms your mum is now going through. I've cared for mum for 20 years, 18 was a breeze, last two with dementia has crippled me.
You did right to go to the doctors, your mum can't be forced to care for him and needs support but while the SW see her as coping, even if like me it was by her fingernails, they will let you carry on. Push with the SW and the GP and good for you taking a day on yourself.
You did right to go to the doctors, your mum can't be forced to care for him and needs support but while the SW see her as coping, even if like me it was by her fingernails, they will let you carry on. Push with the SW and the GP and good for you taking a day on yourself.
