Mum going into Care home this Friday

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by wishinew, Dec 5, 2007.

  1. wishinew

    wishinew Registered User

    Nov 29, 2007
    My mum is going into a care home this Friday I feel worried and very guilty about this. She has been in sheltered housing for the past 4 years and has steadily been getting worse to the point when I knew we had to do something our social worker helped as did the warden at the sheltered housing who said mum really needed to move as problems were getting out of hand, the social worker sent her into respite whilst we looked for a home. Unfortunately when we looked for a good care home all the ones we really liked had a waiting list, other ones that did have vacancies were not very nice (shared rooms or being stuck in a portacabin all day), we eventually found one that is roughly 5 miles away requires a couple of different bus's to get there but at least it seemed nice, it a BUPA home so hopefully well run. The report site however only have a report from early 2006 and listed a couple of minor problems, does anyone know if reports are done yearly or problems chased up I know they are not major problems but would like to know if they are being checked.
  2. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    I can understand your anxieties, I will be taking my wife, Mary, into a care home on Monday as a permanent resident - not a fun time.

    I understand that many inspections are unanounced and the regularity appears to depend on the result of the last inspection. I have noted that in all reports there is a section which deals with the actions taken as a result of the previous inspection.

    Having looked at a number of homes I am surprised at the huge differences between the best and the worst and although I think I have chosen wisely I will be monitoring the standard of care Mary recieves.

    Good luck

  3. wishinew

    wishinew Registered User

    Nov 29, 2007
    Thank you for your reply, I too will monitor situation the home does seem nice, it was just the ones we really wanted were really good, and I also hope mum will be okay with the transfer I think she was getting used to the respite home. Anyway hope all goes well with your wifes move on Monday.
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi, wishinew, welcome to TP.

    I hope all goes well for you and your mum on Friday. The most important thing I think is to get on good terms with the staff from the word go, particularly with her named carer. Give lots of thanks and praise, but don't be afraid to point out anything you're not happy with. That way, things can be sorted out, hopefully without too much upset. (I learned that from Bruce's and Connie's posts).:)

    My husband John went into care two months ago, and I haven't had any problems so far. The staff all come and chat to me, and I am regularly updated as to John's condition. He's always clean and well cared-for. The best I can hope for, short of caring for him myself, which had become impossible.

    Dick, I understand how upset you are, I felt exactly the same. But there does come a time for most of us when home care becomes impossible. You've done your best for Mary, and now she needs the professionals.

    I'll be thinking about you both. Please let us know how you get on.

  5. Lotti

    Lotti Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Hi Wishinew
    My mum went into a care home two weeks ago for respite and I think she is to stay another week. Dad has been in hospital (came out yesterday) and now needs time to recouperate.

    What I have found with the care home was that the staff everytime I visit are bubbly, interested in the residents and have time too for my updates. The home where mum is has an open door policy - or at least I think it does, (I had to get her in in an emergency as dad taken to hospital) I go unnanounced, which I think is a good thing, I even washed mums hair in their 'salon' because the hairdresser was off sick.

    I too felt guilty. While dad was in hospital I know she would not stay with me so the other alternative was for her to be on her own. She wanders day and night so I know it was the right decision even though it was a hard one. I know she is safe, warm, has regular meals and conversation even if it doesn't make sense to her half the time.

    I checked on the reports for the home and there too were a couple of minor recommendations. I think as I said earlier if you can go unnanounced they have nothing to hide.

    Good luck
  6. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    I hope all goes well, when I first took mum into her home I felt terrible and cried all weekend. I'm glad I did it, I would never of been able to cope looking after her. It was for the best. Finding the right home is difficult but you know her best and you know what makes her happy.
  7. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    Hello wishinew

    Our Mum went into a care home about a month ago and we think now it was long overdue and the best thing we've done - the relief from stress of knowing she's being looked after 24/7 is enormous.
    (but the guilt was awful - it gets better as you see even teensy improvements )

    Our CH has a couple of "blips" in its old report but we actually disregarded these as they weren't things we thought were very important - more on the beureaucratic (can't spell this ) side than the caring side of things !
    As a concerned customer - why don't you ask them straight out what's been done re the report - they'll probably welcome your interest
    All the best for Friday
  8. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    My husband goes to NH today (this afternoon) Its Bupa as well. I no how you feel. When he was ok he made me promise that he would never go into one. But its been taken off my hands. I don't even know how much its going to be yet.But i have someone coming next week from the Advice Shop to maximise my income. Its not nice at this tiome of the year
  9. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    #9 CraigC, Dec 6, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2007
    Hi wishinnew,

    With regard to the CSCI reports, my advice would be to discuss any issues raised with the care home manager. They will be aware of the issues anyway and hopefully more than happy to discuss how they are addressing them. The CSCI report should be on display on the home anyway and easily accessed by any visitor.

    Asking about these issues shows that you are concerned about your mum and that you will be interested in the care that your mother receives. I've only met one care home manager who had a problem discussing the report and I visited many homes.

    Personally I do not think the reports are the be all and end all, but they do help highlight issues that you may want to look out for. What would be more useful is a review of the home, but these are not available. You need to read the reports a few times as they are very official and it often hard to read 'between the lines'. Sometimes feel that the CSCI reports are written in such a way as to avoid legal action.

    In my most humble opinion, what makes a good care home in the public or private sector is the staff. If they are happy and communicate well with each other and the residents, it is always a good sign. That's been my experience. Not saying the staff need to be jumping around with joy all the time, but hopefully you know where I'm coming from.

    I hope the guilt in time is replaced by reassurance. There really is only so much people can do by themselves.

    Kindest Regards
  10. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hi wishinew, and welcome to TP.

    I also hope that all goes well with the move and that your pleased with the care your mum gets. It is a very stressful time when permanent placement is necessary and as others have said, monitor your mum's situation and don't be afraid to nip anything in the bud that dissatisfies you. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

    Dear Dick, I also hope that everything goes well for you and Mary on Monday. Sad, but, unfortunately necessary. Best Wishes.
  11. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    Not a Bad Day

    Hi All

    Mary's move into the CH today went as well as these things can for which I am gateful.

  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Well done, Dick. I hope Mary settles in well. Keep us informed.


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