My lovely Mum, who is now 86, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia just over 5 years ago. Up until February this year my Dad cared for Mum at home, with me going in several times a week to help. Unfortunately this became too much for us when Mum became verbally aggressive, very agitated and kept trying to escape - wanting to go and see her parents, who obviously died many years ago. The stress just became too much for Dad, who has been amazing in his care of Mum, so we chose a very good Care Home for Mum to go in to. Although it was an incredibly hard decision for us to come to (we felt we were letting Mum down) she has settled well in the Home, is well cared for, and Dad goes in most days to see her. I visit 2 or 3 times a week.
However, as this horrible disease has progressed, it is now a daily struggle to encourage Mum to eat and drink. This has resulted in UTI's and collapse through dehydration. She was fitted with a catheter on her last hospital stay - but this seems to be causing more problems. Mum is now often refusing to take her medication. Firstly, does anyone have any advice on how we can increase the amount of fluids etc Mum will take?
Secondly...I feel that Mum is now in later stages Dementia and is quite weary of life. She is often not very responsive, sits with her head down a lot of the time. She doesn't know who Dad and I are, we introduce ourselves to her each visit, although there is a sense there that she knows we are people who she loves. She often momentarily forgets how to swallow, but does eventually remember. I have read elsewhere that refusing food etc can sometimes be a person's way of 'winding down' towards the end of life, preparing themselves for the end. Would people agree that this can be the case?
In all of this situation my Dad, understandably, is fighting with everything he has to keep her going. To the point that every visit is primarily made up of struggles to get her to consume food and drink - which she doesn't really want to do. He is the main person who can get her to respond and do this, but it's a 'battle'. This is also very stressful for Dad. He's 78. I am starting to feel that Dad's remaining time with her should just be about 'spending time' and not struggling. I would like to see him accept that we need to allow Mum to be/do a bit more as she wants to each day, rather than fighting so hard to keep her going. But Dad can't step back and do this...which I understand because he loves her so much, but I'm also concerned about what it's doing to him.
Sorry for waffling on - but any helpful advice/experience please? Thank you!
However, as this horrible disease has progressed, it is now a daily struggle to encourage Mum to eat and drink. This has resulted in UTI's and collapse through dehydration. She was fitted with a catheter on her last hospital stay - but this seems to be causing more problems. Mum is now often refusing to take her medication. Firstly, does anyone have any advice on how we can increase the amount of fluids etc Mum will take?
Secondly...I feel that Mum is now in later stages Dementia and is quite weary of life. She is often not very responsive, sits with her head down a lot of the time. She doesn't know who Dad and I are, we introduce ourselves to her each visit, although there is a sense there that she knows we are people who she loves. She often momentarily forgets how to swallow, but does eventually remember. I have read elsewhere that refusing food etc can sometimes be a person's way of 'winding down' towards the end of life, preparing themselves for the end. Would people agree that this can be the case?
In all of this situation my Dad, understandably, is fighting with everything he has to keep her going. To the point that every visit is primarily made up of struggles to get her to consume food and drink - which she doesn't really want to do. He is the main person who can get her to respond and do this, but it's a 'battle'. This is also very stressful for Dad. He's 78. I am starting to feel that Dad's remaining time with her should just be about 'spending time' and not struggling. I would like to see him accept that we need to allow Mum to be/do a bit more as she wants to each day, rather than fighting so hard to keep her going. But Dad can't step back and do this...which I understand because he loves her so much, but I'm also concerned about what it's doing to him.
Sorry for waffling on - but any helpful advice/experience please? Thank you!
I do understand a little of what you are going through as my mother also has advanced dementia.
