mum didn't have a clue where she was.

[lesmisralbles]

......where do I come in I wonder? I do the most for mum and always have. You are all so lovely and supportive, I wish I had found you earlier. Thank you, everyone.
Brokenhearted x Quote: Brokenhearted

You have com in now, your love for your Mum shines through XXXX

Barb X

 

[Izzy]

Still thinking of you. Be strong. Izzy x

 

[Brokenhearted]

For Izzy & lesmisralbles

My heartfelt thanks to you both for your posts and your warmth. I do sometimes smile at some of the things my mum says and does. Smiling is one thing, but encouraging her to perform like some circus freak and laughing at her is quite another. I hope they can live with themselves. Maybe I'm a bit too touchy just now?
Brokenhearted xxx

 

[Pescita]

Hi Michele

It's been tough for you lately, having to deal with various signs of deterioration in your Mum's condition. Perhaps all the Christmas goings-on & change to normal routine have been a bit much for her & made her more disorientated than usual.

The last thing you need is a member of the family poorly, & I hope your youngest is feeling better soon (and doesn't pass anything on to the rest of the family!!) Also this kind of thing does bring it home to you that you & your mum have swapped roles now - not only is she no longer to help you with your family, she needs you to look after her as well as looking after them.

Hope things will be back on more of an even keel for you soon xx

 

[Margaret W]

Oh, so Jan is now an employee of her husband. How sad for the change.

To Michele, I think you have to shorten the time-span with dementia. The times of having your mum with you for 2-3 days need to be reassessed at 2-3 hours. That was my experience anyway. Mum would never have adapted to days at my house, a few hours at most, and that seemed to be successful.

Yes, it is hard.

Much love

Margaret

 

[Brokenhearted]

I think it's awful that your family make your dear mum the butt of their jokes, in fact it's unforgiveable, love Pauline xx

--------------------------
I'm relieved that it's not just me who thinks the things my family got up to with mum are unforgiveable. I was wondering if it was me being a bit too touchy. Thank you Pauline,
Love Brokenhearted x

 

[Michele]

Hi,

Thank you all for being there, it means so much.

Well, today is another day - everyone is still in bed. I will take mum home later, which I am not looking forward to because I know she will get upset and not want to be on her own again, but I will cope with that.

I don't know what I would do without you all. My family are supportive, but sometimes I feel that they don't fully understand how I feel and sometimes I feel that mum just annoys them. Well maybe she does, but it is not her fault she has this illness.

So thank you all so much. And I hope that I help you all in some way, the same as you help me.

Love
Michele
xx

 

[Brokenhearted]

Michele

Hi,I'll be thinking of you later when you take your mum home and hope you'll be ok. You have certainly helped me with your thoughts and advice, and I thank you for that. It is true that our families try their best to be supportive,and in the main,they're great (two sons 24 & 20 yrs)the elder son is usually at university studying for his PhD and my other son works nights, so I'm alone throughout the night.It's then, when I reflect on the days events,that everything seems to get me down. Bless you Michele and thanks.
Love Brokenhearted xx

 

[NewKid]

Mum came for Christmas - sad but happy time...

I too can totally relate after having Mum at my place for Christmas with my husband and two children. We were so pleased to have her, ('my call' the family said when we discussed it and worried if it would work) and feel it was totally the right thing (as I feel probably the last time ) - but oh such an eye-opener on how she has deterioated over the last months.

Mum could not remember where the bathroom was in relation to the bedroom (opposite), or the living room.. just up the hall.. and kept asking things like 'where can I sit'. Her vocabulary and ability to form a sentence are fast disappearing, though she'd chat away and I'd try and follow. And then there was the bath incident - when I got her in.. and couldn't get her out. 'If I just stay in here for 3 days I'll die and that will be easier for everyone because I'm so useless'. Lucid but heart-breaking. (She's not still in there.. reluctant partner hauled her out after I'd emptied the water and dressed and draped ) Another example of lost dignity, along with the poo problems... won't go there. Oh it really is such a wicked shame. But she laughed with (with = good, at = bad) the grandchildren and had lots of hugs, ate well, including the forbidden wine and chocs.

She went 'home' (CH) yesterday quietly and with no resistance and seemed settled and comfortable, but they say she is withdrawn and spends a lot of time lying in her bed. I noticed this too - like it's the haven where she seems to lie thinking - trying to work out what her world has come to perhaps. It makes me so sad. What more can we all do? God bless all of you, I hoep like me you have been able to cherish the good moments.

 

[Michele]

Hi.

Well I have taken mum home. She was ok, a bit sorry to go (which is understandable), but she was ok - very muddly and seemed to be in her own world.

Well, I am completely worn out. I am really happy that mum was with us, but it was all very scarey seeing the new stage that mum is going through.

Thank you for being there.

xx

 

[Izzy]

A peaceful night to you all. Izzy x

 

[Lynne]

My sisters and their husbands seem to think it's funny.They make mum the butt of their jokes and it hurts me so much. They will have it that mum is happy in her own way, but she looks so lost to me. Who is right here??

Your sisters & their husbands are probably hiding their fear and embarrassment behind their 'humour', and/or guilt about how much you are doing to support Mum and how little they are helping. Whilst I sympathise with you, Brokenhearted, I also feel sorry for them in a way - they will have to live with themselves in time to come, knowing they did little or nothing to help you, and remembering their inappropriate behaviour.

Best wishes

 

[panpam83]

not knowing where

My husband Yoshi is at a alzheimers wing care home.It really surprises me, in a sad way, that he thinks it is a restaurant or a shopping center,when i take him back there.I had him and his 92 year old grandma for christmas.after i took her back,Yoshi couldn't understand how we can stay in our house,without renting it out.He got agitated and wanted to go home. I took a gem, in that in a lucent moment, he told grandma and i ,he had a happy life.That was my christmas present.Hope the new year is better for everyone.happy new year

 

[timthumb]

love to you as im just experiencing some of those symptoms for the first time ......every blessing for the new year my prayers will be with you
tim

 

[Brokenhearted]

Hello Lynne

Thank you so much for your thoughts with regard to my sisters and brothers in law. So they should be feeling guilty too, they could do heaps more to help my poor mum. I called on her today and what I saw was "dead eyes" I'm sure you must all know and understand how I'm trying to describe things. Mum's eyes are totally empty, does this make sense to you please? I went and put sticky labels on her cooker so she knows which hob is which. I'm so scared and upset all the time, crying at the drop of a hat. Called at my sister's to tell her what I've done and all she could say was how bad mum was Christmas day & Boxing day at both of their homes. My two sons give me so much love and understanding and they're 24 & 20 yrs old, pity my sisters can't show the same concern isn't it? All they want to do, is put mum away ASAP. I'm resisiting, but how much longer I can hold out, I really don't know.......I feel so sad inside constantly

Thank you all,
Brokenhearted xxx

 

[Margaret W]

So many people have posted issues on this thread, I wish you all well.

BrokenHearted, keep up the good work. You are a special son.

Margaret

 

[larivy]

my mum has been going through the same thing lately she wakes up and wants to go home even though we are home i sit and explain for ages and think yes shes got it then when i say goodnight she asks when we are going homei dont know how you keep quite with your family laughing at your mum i dont think i could i laugh with her but never at her your doing a great job keep it up Larivy

 

[Brokenhearted]

Margaret W

Sorry to disappoint but I'm a daughter not a son

 

[pierogi]

Hi Michelle

I know this is a late reply to your Christmas with your mum...and I'm new to the forum.

Just like to say that we've already been through the exact same. It does last for a bit (ie. months).

We've discovered that mum needs to be settled in a permanent place. No good moving her to yours or sisters like we did. Pick a place, and that's her home. When mum came to either of us (thinking we were taking turns to share the load), it took her at least a week to two - 24 hours a day to get her settled and comfy.

I am very sorry for you Michelle.

 

[Michele]

Hi Pierogi,

Many thanks for your reply. That is a big help.

Take Care
Love
Michele
xx