hollysmum and mrpepperman, thank you for your comments. again I am amazed at the similarities I read here. I read somewhere about urinary infections and am aware that mum hardly drinks so I have been trying to encourage her to drink more water. when I visit I will have several cups of tea and she maybe drinks a small glass of water or juice. mrpepperman, my mum also never had any grief councilling and as she deteriorated so fast after my dads death I wonder if it would be helpful. docs appointment is on Friday so hopefully the doc will suggest something along these lines or maybe some talking therapy. my mum has always been chirpy and cheerful (and living with my dad was far from easy) but she is so down these days. she is aware that she is forgetting things and this is making her worse. I try to make light of things and tell her not to worry but I wonder if other people will be as understanding.