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mum cant remember what she did 1 hour ago

spuddle

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
118
hollysmum and mrpepperman, thank you for your comments. again I am amazed at the similarities I read here. I read somewhere about urinary infections and am aware that mum hardly drinks so I have been trying to encourage her to drink more water. when I visit I will have several cups of tea and she maybe drinks a small glass of water or juice.
mrpepperman, my mum also never had any grief councilling and as she deteriorated so fast after my dads death I wonder if it would be helpful. docs appointment is on Friday so hopefully the doc will suggest something along these lines or maybe some talking therapy. my mum has always been chirpy and cheerful (and living with my dad was far from easy) but she is so down these days. she is aware that she is forgetting things and this is making her worse. I try to make light of things and tell her not to worry but I wonder if other people will be as understanding.
 

Mrpepperman

Registered User
Apr 2, 2014
2
Spuddle,I really hope the visit to the Doctors goes well.
I think the stubbornness and frustration could be due to my Mother in law's memory issues as she is obviously aware of them, as she tries to cover up her tracks, I am going to try to steer in the way of getting bereavement counselling, my wife is starting to feel the pressure as we don't want her to think we are pushing her into anything, and we certainly don't want to offend her, I'm just worried it might have gone too far away from medication slowing things down.
 

Norfolkgirl

Account Closed
Jul 18, 2012
514
i hope its ok to come and waffle here. I don't feel I have much to offer others yet as I am new to all this.
I have ended up rowing with my sister (we very rarely even have a cross word). she has started messing with mums paperwork etc which I have spent a long time organising and making sure she gives everything to me. I do understand it must be difficult her living away and not being involved but when all said and done I am the one here for the other 50 weeks of the year coping daily. I haven't spoken to them for 3 days and am just getting in with other things that I have been neglecting for me. to be honest its not helping as I am just stewing on things and feeling bitter. no doubt it will all resolve itself.
You say your sister sorted the LPA and that you normally get on well with her, a word of warning from a cynic who has experienced fraud/theft in the family, please check, if you haven't already, the status of the LPA - are you included jointly to deal with your mum's affairs, who keeps an eye on your mum's account etc. especially as you say your sister turned up unexpectedly and is staying with your mum, messing up paperwork. In my experience thieves often deny anything is wrong or else play down the seriousness etc.
 
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spuddle

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
118
norfolkgirl, thanks for the warning. thankfully I am 100% sure that it is not an issue. I think it has all been down to misunderstanding as she isn't really aware of what is going on every day and what I am doing. I have full access to mums banking and financial stuff. as for the LPA, yes we both signed it and have joint permissions/responsibility. sadly I realize how it could be a big problem for some people, the way mum is with money... carrying far too much and leaving it lying around the house could make her an easy target for theft.
mrpepperman, I agree with you about the stubbornness. the fact that like my mum she is aware of her failing memory could be why she is covering her tracks. I certainly think its a good idea to try grief councelling, just having a place to talk about things and feelings with people who understand (im not saying that you/or me don't understand but we are limited). the fact that the decline started after husbands death is surely significant. At the moment I feel anything is worth trying.... its just getting mum to agree
 

Norfolkgirl

Account Closed
Jul 18, 2012
514
norfolkgirl, thanks for the warning. thankfully I am 100% sure that it is not an issue. I think it has all been down to misunderstanding as she isn't really aware of what is going on every day and what I am doing. I have full access to mums banking and financial stuff. as for the LPA, yes we both signed it and have joint permissions/responsibility. sadly I realize how it could be a big problem for some people, the way mum is with money... carrying far too much and leaving it lying around the house could make her an easy target for theft.
mrpepperman, I agree with you about the stubbornness. the fact that like my mum she is aware of her failing memory could be why she is covering her tracks. I certainly think its a good idea to try grief councelling, just having a place to talk about things and feelings with people who understand (im not saying that you/or me don't understand but we are limited). the fact that the decline started after husbands death is surely significant. At the moment I feel anything is worth trying.... its just getting mum to agree
OK as long as you're sure then that's fine.
 

Sbennett

New member
Dec 9, 2019
1
hi, ive just come across this forum and have read a few posts. there is obviously a lot of knowledge and experience here so I would be grateful for any thoughts on my concerns.

mum has always been a bit forgetful but since my dad died last april things have got much worse and the last few weeks have been very worrying.
she is becoming very forgetful. often phoning me several (10) times within half an hour about the same thing with no idea that she has already spoken to me. at first I would laugh and tell her we have just spoken but now I act as if it is the first phone call. I take her for a trip out and by the time we return home she doesn't know where she has been. she also tells the same stories to my partner from 60 years ago with no idea that she has already told him. this can be several times on the same visit, getting out photos we have seen many times. Again we now act as if we hadn't already seen them but I don't know if this is the right thing to do.

yesterday I made her cry. I found she was carrying over £1000 in her handbag, which she frequently misplaces. I tried to tell her it wasn't a good idea and tried to take it from her. in the end I gave up and when she wasn't looking removed some of it for safe keeping. later in the day we went shopping and the bill came to £40 and she thought she didn't have any money on her. I had to insist that she looked in her bag, where she found a lot of money. no idea how much she was carrying. my sister and I have recently sorted out power of attourney but I want her to be independent as long as possible.

We talked her into going to the doctors last year who referred her to a phsyciatric specialist. she passed the tests with flying colours. she knew who the primeminister was, she knew what month it was etc. the only thing she couldn't do was remember a word that she was told to remember at the beginning of the session. im sure she still knows the first lot of info but it is like her short term recall is switched off.

Amazingly she still drives.. after 60 years it is second nature to her but she forgets where she is going before she gets there. I worry she will do something daft like just stop in busy traffic to work out where she is.
she is aware that she is becoming very forgetful and constantly says 'ive lost my marbles' 'I wasn't always like this', though she flatly refuses to go to the doc, I guess she is worried what she may hear. she often gets upset saying I will be putting her in a home (she will live with me before it comes to that)

I realize this is a similar scenario to others I have been reading about here but I would be very grateful for any thoughts on her behaviour and more importantly how I should deal with it to help her stay positive and independent

sorry for such a long first post but I needed to get it out.
My mother in law lost her beloved cat over a year ago and yes I think it was the start of her memory problems, but lately she is not even remembering what she just asked me or I told her, you can apply for attendance and carers if that would help you financially! You need memory assessment as might be medication to slow the process. My mother in law is very down as realises can’t recall things but I said you are 87 and have done amazing! She still drives although I’ve said good idea to pack it in now. I do worry she isn’t eating enough as always lots of dinners in fridge. A white board is a good ideal what is what we use!!
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,152
My mother in law lost her beloved cat over a year ago and yes I think it was the start of her memory problems, but lately she is not even remembering what she just asked me or I told her, you can apply for attendance and carers if that would help you financially! You need memory assessment as might be medication to slow the process. My mother in law is very down as realises can’t recall things but I said you are 87 and have done amazing! She still drives although I’ve said good idea to pack it in now. I do worry she isn’t eating enough as always lots of dinners in fridge. A white board is a good ideal what is what we use!!
You are responding to a post 5 years old so it's unlikely you will get a meaningful reply. Perhaps start your own thread ,so current members can respond
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
3,822
Nottinghamshire
Hello @Sbennett welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

I’m glad you’ve found us as I couldn’t have managed to care for my dad without help from he lovely members here.

You can start your own thread or join in with others. If you look at the top of the posts you will see a date for when the item was posted so you know if you’re replying to a current thread.

My dad was very down in the early stages of his dementia but as he got worse he he thought there was nothing wrong with him so he was perfectly happy!..drove me a bit nuts though :rolleyes: