Mum and Dad


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi All

Mum and Dad had to have permanent care, after Dad was admitted, to hospital with brachicardyia (sp) approx 3 months ago

Although things in the care home, haven't been perfect, (Mum can be very difficult) I was thinking teething troubles?? Maybe the carers will become familiar with them and they will get to know the carers.

This hasn't happened.

The phychiatrist phoned me Monday and said the care home was struggling to manage them, so therefore he was, with my permission changing Mum's meds to resiparadone (sp) which has been reported as causing strokes.

I agreed, hobson's choice?

On Wednesday, when I visited, Mum was greatly agitated, so I asked the managers, has the meds been changed?
They knew nothing about it, but confirmed,, they were struggling to manage them and were thinking that the dementia unit in the complex would be the
the best option.

They told me Dad was hitting Mum, as well as the carers.

I was devastated. My Dad was always a gentleman. In his world, women and children had to be protected.


Sometimes in recent years we have wondered, with Mum having dementia and being so very hard work, how Dad had the patience to tolerate Mum, given his condition. Maybe our fears are being realised now.

The care home said they couldn't get Mum and Dad to take their Meds. But I am wondering if a little more time spent with them, in calmly persuading them would make everyone's life easier and delay the admission to the dementia care unit.

I am worried that if they refuse to take the medication now prescibed and no one makes a great effort to deliver it, how then is any new meds going to work?

Sorry for the long rambling post, but I was in floods of tears as I drove home on Wednesday and now, don't know what to do for the best.

Don't know where to go from here, Mum has a phobia about lifts. The demensia unit, although having it's own lounge and dining room is on the first floor, but if we want to take them out, it would have to be the stairs, but could Dad manage?

I am thinking of looking for a care home with a dementia unit on the ground floor.

At the moment my mind is in bits, because, I thought that they were OK for quite some time to come, but I have had a sharp wake up call

Anyone any suggestions, as in how to get the carers in the present home to take time to deliver meds, or positive experiences of dementia units
Any advice would be gratefully received



Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
This is a tough one. My own mother is currently refusing to take any of her medication, which is a huge worry (she is on meds for a heart condition and other complex medical problems, and Aricept).

Sadly nobody can force medication onto another, its considered assault. My problem is mum has absolutely no insight into her physical or mental condition, therefore in her eyes why should she take medication when there is nothing wrong with her!! From her point of view, makes perfect sense.

It really depends if your mum has any insight, and how persuasive the nursing staff can be.

If you feel that this placement is going to breakdown, and a move to an EMI unit is imminent, personally I would look around all that is available, and make your choice, with luck you wont need it, but better to make a decision now in the cold light of day, than in a panic situation if the NH hit crisis with mum.

I really do feel for you, one option you could try, is to ask the doctor if the medication is available in liquid form, mum may be more compliant with this than tablets. We tried this, and it didn’t work, but it may well work for you.


Registered User
Jun 26, 2006

I wouldn`t worry about the move to the dementia unit in the interim .... I visited a dual registered home the other day and the nurses on the dementia unit were very experienced in this specislist area. Sound great that there is a unit in the home they are in ... I would imagine they may have to move them if they are causing problems : and you may find that their registration may not allow them to stay in the nursing/residential part.
At least it will give you some breathing space if they are moved up there ...they can be properly assesed by experienced staff ..and you still have the option of looking around while they are being cared for in the appropriate setting.
Best of luck

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Alfjess,

It seems your mother would be better looked after by people experienced in caring for those with Dementia.

Whether they can get her to take her meds or not, she does need specialist care.

I wouldn`t worry too much at this stage about the lifts. If she isn`t properly cared for the time will come when you will be unlikely to be able to take her out anyway.

I would look at other dementia units, but for the time being agree to a compromise.

I`m so sorry you are having to go through such an upsetting time. I wish I could be of more help.

Take care

Love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Alfjess

I'm so sorry you're facing this difficulty. The home sounded so nice when your parents first moved in. I wouldn't give up on them yet, I think it would be worth trying the dementia unit to see how it goes.

Cate's suggestion to try liquid meds is a good one, it might well work.

As for taking them out, couldn't you get one of the staff to help you? One of you taking dad down in the lift, and the other taking mum down the stairs? As Sylvia says, it may not be for long anyway, one or other might get to the stage when taking them out is just not practical.

I'd give it a try, anyway, while keeping your options open.

Take care, love,


Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
Refusal of medication

Hi everyone.I agree this is a tough call making choices for loved ones is not always nice.I work in a care home and encounter the refusal of medication often.This in my experience only usually lasts for a couple of days.However i document refusal of meds in care plans and also state that if this continues beyond 2 days then i will contact their G.P for advice.No carer on this earth(hopefully) would ever force someone to take medication or do anything they don't want to do_Outside agencies are there to support both yourself,parents and carers.Hope all goes elainex


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I don't mean that the carers should force Mum and Dad to take their meds.

We also had the same problem at home, but a lot of patience and distraction would eventually be successful. As in, I am taking my tablets or Have you got a sore head, answer always "yes", reply "this will help" and so on.

With Dad, I had to tell him to put the tablet in his mouth, while demonstrating the action and had to watch him like a hawk. I don't know how many times I've had to stop Dad giving my dog his meds.

I just feel the carers haven't tried hard enough, although I have spopken to them and told them how we handled it.

Since Dad's Aricept has been stopped, he has gone rapidly downhill, but it really distesses me that a man who was always, so patient and kind is now aggresive.

Dad would be horrified, if he only knew.

Thanks Cate I will enquire if the medication is available in liquid, anything is worth a try.

I think I will check other homes with dementia units. Maybe I won't find anything better, but at least I will have a comparrison

Thanks again


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