Mum’s in care home - brother and his girlfriend won’t pay any rent while continuing to live in her house

[Tony F]

Hi,

My brother and myself both have power of attorney for my mum who moved into a care home permanently, about 15 months ago now. My brother was living with her in her house as her carer before she moved into the care home. My mum owns her house outright and we were advised by a solicitor before my mum moved into the care home that her house would need to be sold, as it’s not disregarded and my mum is self funding her care home fees.

My brother didn’t pay any rent to my mum while he lived with her but I was ok with this as he was her carer. However, he then moved his new girlfriend into the house, without discussing this, and she also didn’t pay any rent to my mum. The solicitor we had spoken to had advised my brother and I that after my mum moved into a care home, until the house is sold and they continue to live there, that they should be paying rent to my mum.

15 months have now passed and sadly, they have paid her no rent whatsoever, not a single penny. My mum’s care home fees are several thousands of £’s each month and they have just increased by almost 20% since April, so her finances are depleting quickly. I’ve got a solicitor involved to help as we really need to sell the house and we have communicated all this to my brother but it makes no difference. My brother’s also been trying to delay the sale of the house, allowing them to continue to live there rent free while my mum’s finances continue to deplete. This also means my mum now loses out on hundreds and hundreds of £’s in monthly interest from the sale of the house.

I wondered what people’s thoughts are about all of this, it seems morally really wrong? Thanks in advance for any responses.

 

[Scarlet Lady]

hi, @Tony F , welcome to TP. I hope you’ll find this is a place where you’ll be able to share your worries and concerns and where you’ll find empathy and helpful advice.

re your current situation: if both you and your brother have Power of Attorney, this should mean that you both need to act in your mother’s best interests. This means you should not be depriving her of income, which your brother is doing in refusing to pay rent. You can bring this to the attention of the Office of Public Guardian, but I wouldn't hold your breath in expecting they will respond positively.

Perhaps your solicitor can exert some pressure over the sale of the house? This isn’t just a moral issue, it’s a legal one. Your brother needs to understand he can be removed as an attorney if he is shown to have abused his power.

 

[Tony F]

Thanks so much for your reply. Just for a bit more context, the local authority are aware of everything that’s going on, we’ve been in contact with them regarding everything so things are going to escalate.

I didn’t mention it in my original post above but in addition, and somewhat suspiciously, my brother organised moving my mum into this care home without my knowledge. We had been going through the care home process together and my mum was placed on waiting lists for 5 homes. My brother specifically told me to only concentrate on these 5 homes when I suggested others. Then I received an e-mail out of the blue from my brother last year telling me that my mum was going to be moving into the care home that she’s now in, a completely different home from the 5 she was on waiting lists for, in 4 days time. This was a considerably more expensive care home than the ones she was on waiting lists for too. So this was done without any discussion with me at all, whatsoever, and no discussion about the financial implications. I didn’t even know this home existed! This was when my brother then told me that he and his girlfriend would continue to live in the house, again, without any discussion whatsoever. This move of my mum into the care home coincided exactly with my brother receiving a large inheritance payout from our late father, who had passed away the previous year. I also know that my brother was, in his own words, ‘financially ruined’ and had been in a lot of debt when he moved into my mum’s house. His previous girlfriend had also broken up with him and basically kicked him out of her flat so I know he didn’t really have anywhere to live before moving into my mum’s house. Anyway, it seems like my brother and his new girlfriend must have planned this out at some point, as they’ve obviously discussed everything together before telling me. It does seem like the intention was to get my mum out of the house as soon as he got his inheritance, and then they would both continue to live in her house rent free.

In addition, there’s actually a 3rd power of attorney, my auntie who is my mum’s sister. But 4 years ago, there were issues with financial abuse and my mum’s finances by my auntie and she ceased to have any real involvement. My auntie was my mum’s previous carer and she and her husband had moved into my mum’s house because their rented property was being sold. But concerns were raised when someone from the local authority visited my mum at the house and it was eventually found out that my auntie had been putting my mum’s Attendance Allowance benefit in to her own bank account for 18 months, without informing my brother or myself. It turns out they also weren’t paying any rent to my mum or contributing to the household bills in any way. My mum was exempt from council tax due to her Alzheimer’s diagnosis but was forced to pay their council tax while they lived with her and my auntie refused point blank to contribute a penny towards it when my brother and I asked her. They’d also used my mum’s money to repair their car, and there were a huge number of unexplained ATM withdrawals out of my mum’s bank account. My brother had stated to me that he felt that she should be removed as power of attorney and that she was acting in her own interests, not in my mum’s interests. The local authority actually raised an Adult Protection case at one point and my late father also got involved to try and help my brother and I sort things out. But once we took control of my mum’s finances, and my auntie and her husband moved out of the house, we didn’t think there could be any more problems.

So now with everything that’s going on with my brother and his girlfriend continuing to live in my mum’s house rent free, my brother has now involved my auntie in what he’s doing, seemingly to try and ‘gang up’ on me. So it appears he’s using my auntie, who wouldn’t pay rent, to try and help him and his girlfriend to continue to live in the house and also pay no rent. The solicitor is aware of everything that happened 4 years ago, so now this has to be dealt with too, as it makes my auntie complicit in everything he’s doing, as she’s aware of it all and isn’t speaking out against it. And my brother is now trying to defend everything my auntie did 4 years ago, because he has no choice as he’s got her involved again, even though he felt that she should be removed as power of attorney!

So it’s an absolute farce, and it’s made things more complicated. I’m really hoping things will be sorted out soon though, as it’s been a horrible, horrible period of time.

 

[Bod]

Who is currently paying for mums Care?
What assets does mum have?
If the LA are involved, with either of these questions, then it might be best to stand back and let them handle the situation, but have any records as to how you have been kept out of the picture readily avaliable.

Bod

 

[Tony F]

Who is currently paying for mums Care?
What assets does mum have?
If the LA are involved, with either of these questions, then it might be best to stand back and let them handle the situation, but have any records as to how you have been kept out of the picture readily avaliable.

Bod

My mum is self funding, so she pays the care home fees herself. Her assets are her house which she owns outright, the mortgage was paid off years ago, and the money in her savings accounts. Her house isn’t disregarded so it will need to be sold to pay for the care home fees once her savings run out, which isn’t long now.

My mum’s case manager at the local authority, who was involved in the care home process is aware of what’s been going on. She was at the initial meetings my brother and I had and put my mum on the waiting lists. Then my brother contacted her and organised for my mum to go into this different home. She thought I was involved in this and knew what was happening, so when I explained over the phone that this was all done behind my back she was pretty concerned.

Another thing, my brother did my mum’s 6 month care home internal review meeting without me at the end of last year. I was expecting to hear from the care home as I knew the time was approaching and contacted them to ask when it would be happening. I was told it had already taken place with my brother! He didn’t tell me it was happening or anything afterwards, so I had to arrange my own personal meeting with the care home manager to find out how they thought my mum was getting on. I also found out that there are relatives meetings every few months at the care home that my brother didn’t tell me about, so I’ve missed out on those for months and months too.

I contacted my mum’s case manager at the local authority about the care home meeting taking place without me, so she’s aware of that too.

 

[MarieD]

Hi It sounds as you’re in a similar situation to what I was. My brother had been living with my mum and helping her as-he didn’t have a job at the time. When my mum went into care he was using her cards to pay for his own shopping and drawing out large cash amounts plus he refused to pay rent which I thought he should. As we were both poa’s I felt I had no choice but to report him to the OPG
They contacted him and for some reason said he’d done no wrong and also he could carry on living in the house rent free because he hadn’t paid rent before my mum went into care.
Crazy I know ! I just couldn’t understand it and I filed a complaint but got nowhere
The only thing I did manage was he stopped using her cards for his weekly shopping
I honestly think he’d of carried on had I not reported him.

 

[Tony F]

Hi It sounds as you’re in a similar situation to what I was. My brother had been living with my mum and helping her as-he didn’t have a job at the time. When my mum went into care he was using her cards to pay for his own shopping and drawing out large cash amounts plus he refused to pay rent which I thought he should. As we were both poa’s I felt I had no choice but to report him to the OPG
They contacted him and for some reason said he’d done no wrong and also he could carry on living in the house rent free because he hadn’t paid rent before my mum went into care.
Crazy I know ! I just couldn’t understand it and I filed a complaint but got nowhere
The only thing I did manage was he stopped using her cards for his weekly shopping
I honestly think he’d of carried on had I not reported him.

Thanks for your post, that does seem really strange for them to have responded like that and let him carry on living there rent free. My understanding, and what I was told, was that power of attorneys cannot benefit themselves from the situation and are legally obligated to act in the best financial and welfare interests of the donor.

 

[canary]

How old is your brother?

If there is family living in the house before the person with dementia moves to a care home, then if this relative is 60yrs or over then the house is disregarded as part of their assets and the relative can continue living there.

Even if they are under 60 yrs old, they can apply for discretionary disregard and, if approved, can continue living there.

 

[Tony F]

How old is your brother?

If there is family living in the house before the person with dementia moves to a care home, then if this relative is 60yrs or over then the house is disregarded as part of their assets and the relative can continue living there.

Even if they are under 60 yrs old, they can apply for discretionary disregard and, if approved, can continue living there.

He’s 48 years old, and he’s only lived there for about 2 1/2 years before he moved my mum into the care home. We were told the house wouldn’t be disregarded as the circumstances didn’t meet the criteria and it would need to be sold, this was before my mum had moved into the home. And even if it had been disregarded, my brother and his new girlfriend should be paying rent while living there.

 

[Scarlet Lady]

Hello, @Tony F . This is a difficult situation. As POAs, do you and your brother have equal access to your mum‘s finances? It certainly looks as if he has established himself as the primary point of contact where the local authority is concerned. You can (and should, in my opinion) report the matter to the OPG, but not only will it take time for them to respond, but they are often reluctant to intervene in what they may see as a family dispute. The local authority may take a similar view.

However, from what you’ve said, it seems it may not be long before your mother‘s house may need to be sold. I assume your brother knows that this will be the end of the gravy train in living expense free. I’m really not sure what he hopes to gain by enlisting the ‘support’ of your aunt in his plans to apparently undermine you. The facts are the facts. He may well have got away with financial abuse so far, but that will end when the house is sold and the money will be needed for your mum’s ongoing care. When that happens, nobody wins except the care home.

He may well have plans for the proceeds of your mum’s home that have nothing to do with her care, but as you have said, your solicitor and the various other bodies you’re dealing with are aware of the situation, so hopefully he may no longer be able to ride roughshod over everyone.

I wish you the very best of luck in dealing with such a challenging situation. It’s bad enough coping with the loved one with dementia without having family skulduggery thrown in the mix as well.

 

[nitram]

It's nice to think that the LA would become proactive and do something, I doubt if it will until mum's finances other than the house reduce to the upper limit.
When this happens it won't have to apply to the court for permission to sell the house as it can ask you as LPA to put it on the market.
You could ask the solicitor if they think you, as LPA, should put the house up for sale because your mum is in permanent care, has no use for it, and will soon/ultimately require the proceeds to fund care.
I can't see any argument that this is not acting in mum's best interests.

 

[Tony F]

It's nice to think that the LA would become proactive and do something, I doubt if it will until mum's finances other than the house reduce to the upper limit.
When this happens it won't have to apply to the court for permission to sell the house as it can ask you as LPA to put it on the market.
You could ask the solicitor if they think you, as LPA, should put the house up for sale because your mum is in permanent care, has no use for it, and will soon/ultimately require the proceeds to fund care.
I can't see any argument that this is not acting in mum's best interests.

Thank you Scarlet Lady and nitram for your kind replies. Yes, my brother and myself have equal access to my mum’s finances. Regarding putting the house up for sale, that’s exactly what the solicitor advised and I communicated this to my brother over a year ago. But the problem is, because he’s trying to delay the sale and is living there with his girlfriend, I can’t put it up for sale. So that’s why things are now having to escalate. My mum’s finances will run out in about 18 months in my estimation, so as you’ve said above, Scarlet Lady, eventually the sale of the house will be unavoidable. My brother actually told me a while ago that he and his new girlfriend have both now registered their businesses at my mum’s house, and he’s also converted the double garage into a personal gym for himself, so I expect along with the lack of paying rent, these are also reasons to try and delay things.

Anyway, it has been an absolutely horrible time, my brother’s said to the solicitor that he thinks I’m abusing my position as an attorney, basically to attack me I presume, because I got legal advice! As you said Scarlet Lady, it’s hard enough coping with the dementia side of things, and watching a parent deteriorate, on top of losing my father to cancer 2 years ago, without all this conflict and stress on top of everything.

Thanks again for everyone’s advice and support, I really do appreciate it.

 

[MarieD]

Thanks for your post, that does seem really strange for them to have responded like that and let him carry on living there rent free. My understanding, and what I was told, was that power of attorneys cannot benefit themselves from the situation and are legally obligated to act in the best financial and welfare interests of the donor.

Yes my thought exactly however because he had been living there rent free before they said it could continue
He also then moved his girlfriend in and they’ve both been living there rent free ever since

Obviously I put in a complaint because like you say a POA should not benefit in anyway but I got nowhere with them. Social services didn’t want to know either, my brother lied to the LA about my mums bank accounts and and refused to put money transferred back into my mothers account LA couldn’t do anything they just told me I had to contact the police they couldn’t even do that. The case against my brother has been on going for over two years now I doubt anything will happen to him in the end. My mothers passed now I just wish I could put it all behind me but I’ve now got to sort out what’s left of my mums estate.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Where money is involved people show their true colours im afraid

 

[Jessbow]

I'd get the solicitor to write to him, to say the house must now go on the market to realise funds for Mums care. Given the length of time it takes to complete on a sale, it could take 6 or so months and that her money needs to be in place.

I assume he is paying the household bills?

 

[Longlegs]

Hi,

My brother and myself both have power of attorney for my mum who moved into a care home permanently, about 15 months ago now. My brother was living with her in her house as her carer before she moved into the care home. My mum owns her house outright and we were advised by a solicitor before my mum moved into the care home that her house would need to be sold, as it’s not disregarded and my mum is self funding her care home fees.

My brother didn’t pay any rent to my mum while he lived with her but I was ok with this as he was her carer. However, he then moved his new girlfriend into the house, without discussing this, and she also didn’t pay any rent to my mum. The solicitor we had spoken to had advised my brother and I that after my mum moved into a care home, until the house is sold and they continue to live there, that they should be paying rent to my mum.

15 months have now passed and sadly, they have paid her no rent whatsoever, not a single penny. My mum’s care home fees are several thousands of £’s each month and they have just increased by almost 20% since April, so her finances are depleting quickly. I’ve got a solicitor involved to help as we really need to sell the house and we have communicated all this to my brother but it makes no difference. My brother’s also been trying to delay the sale of the house, allowing them to continue to live there rent free while my mum’s finances continue to deplete. This also means my mum now loses out on hundreds and hundreds of £’s in monthly interest from the sale of the house.

I wondered what people’s thoughts are about all of this, it seems morally really wrong? Thanks in advance for any responses.

‘Raise concerns’ about your brothers actions acting as your mother’s attorney with the Office of Public Guardian.
They take it seriously.
He’ll get a letter saying ‘someone’ has raised concerns and he’s being investigated and could be prosecuted…
He’ll have a week to supply any relevant paper work.
A year ago an investigation took about 3.5 months due to their backlog.

Even if nothing comes of it, the letter might strike a chord and get him to step up…

 

[Bod]

Yes my thought exactly however because he had been living there rent free before they said it could continue
He also then moved his girlfriend in and they’ve both been living there rent free ever since

Obviously I put in a complaint because like you say a POA should not benefit in anyway but I got nowhere with them. Social services didn’t want to know either, my brother lied to the LA about my mums bank accounts and and refused to put money transferred back into my mothers account LA couldn’t do anything they just told me I had to contact the police they couldn’t even do that. The case against my brother has been on going for over two years now I doubt anything will happen to him in the end. My mothers passed now I just wish I could put it all behind me but I’ve now got to sort out what’s left of my mums estate.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Where money is involved people show their true colours im afraid

Now your mother has passed, it is now up to the Executor of her Will to deal with the situation.
Which may be you, you can hand the whole job over to a solicitor to handle.

Bod

 

[Tony F]

Yes my thought exactly however because he had been living there rent free before they said it could continue
He also then moved his girlfriend in and they’ve both been living there rent free ever since

Obviously I put in a complaint because like you say a POA should not benefit in anyway but I got nowhere with them. Social services didn’t want to know either, my brother lied to the LA about my mums bank accounts and and refused to put money transferred back into my mothers account LA couldn’t do anything they just told me I had to contact the police they couldn’t even do that. The case against my brother has been on going for over two years now I doubt anything will happen to him in the end. My mothers passed now I just wish I could put it all behind me but I’ve now got to sort out what’s left of my mums estate.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
Where money is involved people show their true colours im afraid

That really is awful, I don’t understand their response to what your brother has done. What you say is right, money does make people show their true colours, sadly. I hope you manage to get things resolved ok with your mother’s estate, it’s a lot of stress.

I'd get the solicitor to write to him, to say the house must now go on the market to realise funds for Mums care. Given the length of time it takes to complete on a sale, it could take 6 or so months and that her money needs to be in place.

I assume he is paying the household bills?

Hi, yes he’s paying the household bills now, although I had to chase him to pay back the money initially, as my mum was still paying the gas and elec, Sky TV, broadband etc in the house.

I think the solicitor’s plan is to force the sale, once we get more advice. Realistically, I don’t know how much longer it can be put off anyway now, as the sale will take time, as you’ve said above.

‘Raise concerns’ about your brothers actions acting as your mother’s attorney with the Office of Public Guardian.
They take it seriously.
He’ll get a letter saying ‘someone’ has raised concerns and he’s being investigated and could be prosecuted…
He’ll have a week to supply any relevant paper work.
A year ago an investigation took about 3.5 months due to their backlog.

Even if nothing comes of it, the letter might strike a chord and get him to step up…

That’s what we’ve been doing with the local authority and I presume it will now escalate. It’s good to hear the Office of the Public Guardian hopefully take these things seriously. When the solicitor originally sent him the letter last year, she thought that would strike a chord with him, but my brother seems to think he’s above the rules, sadly. His ex-girlfriend who kicked him out of her flat apparently thought he was a narcissist, so to say he’s not easy to deal with, is an understatement.

 

[Jessbow]

What more advice does a solicitor need? That sounds absurd.
Surely the solicitor doesnt need anyone elses advice!

 

[MarieD]

Now your mother has passed, it is now up to the Executor of her Will to deal with the situation.
Which may be you, you can hand the whole job over to a solicitor to handle.

Bod

Hi yes I’ve got a solicitor involved though I’ve been trying to gather together all paperwork etc but my brother is just ignoring my calls and won’t respond to requests I highly doubt he’ll corporate.Obviously everything’s in the house.