Moving to a Care Home - practical considerations

[Singing Friend]

OK, it has become necessary for my mum to move into a care home.

We have found what appears to be a nice place, with an overall Good CQC rating, and in an excellent position in the area where my mum has lived for 60+ years. We've visited several times, taken Mum along a couple of times, and she has been visited and assessed by the Home's manager. All the people we've met seem kind and friendly, including some of the residents.

They haven't given us a date for her to move in yet because they're doing some renovations, but it looks like she'll be there by the end of the month. I think she's actually quite looking forward to living somewhere where there will be other people to talk to, and she has been looking through the list of daily activities with quite a bit of excitement, so I think she'll enjoy having things to do and more stimulation. This is when she actually remembers about it - quite often she just forgets where she's been, but that's Alzheimers for you!

Anyway, what practical things do we need to think about? I live about 280 miles away, but have ended up doing most of the organisation of all this. So while I wait for the phone call and plan my next trip what should I be thinking about preparing for her. Even Mum says she'll need some new clothes, and she's not wrong! Some of the contents of her wardrobe has been there since before my Dad died in 1996! And they look it!

Any suggestions? Any thoughts about how often people should visit, especially in the first few weeks? I don't want to desert her there, but neither do I want to confuse her unnecessarily by constantly going in, then leaving her again. There are six of us siblings, plus some grandchildren, so she could have visitors all day every day!

 

[Mizk]

Moving to a care home

Hi there, I have been in that position some time ago with my Mum and can suggest that you order lots of name tags (little plastic discs printed with her name) and attach them to everything, including slippers etc. I also had sticky labels printed and labelled all of her toiletries. I found I had to buy lots of clothes which could easily be washed and tumble dried and would need no ironing as this wasn't done in her care home and I liked her to always look smart. Don't buy expensive clothes as the industrial washing machines really take it out of clothes and they needed to be replaced regularly (especially underwear). It is a daunting time but also brings a certain amount of relief. I remember feeling so relieved that she was safe whilst I was asleep.

As I lived close by I visited every day but some residents had visitors just a couple of times a week, it is entirely up to your family how many times you visit and sometimes they are so wrapped up in their activities that they don't need you so much.

I hope all goes smoothly for you and your Mum.

 

[lemonjuice]

Gosh there's so much to think about and no doubt others will mention things I forget.

RE Clothes/ personal possessions
Only send in easy industrial-machine washable ones and preferably non-iron.
LABEL EVERYTHING! (Even so some things will go missing.)
Also choose easy-for-someone-else to put on articles. So elasticated waist skirts/trousers. Only dresses with long openings.
No extra beading, fiddly extras- they'll get ruined in no time.
I was told a minimum of 6 outfits, allowing for 'accident washes'!
My mother would be horrified if she could see what they used to dress her in before she moved to the just nighties stage. She always so liked to be well-dressed.

LABEL EVERYTHING and I mean everything.
Socks, slippers, glasses, perfumes, her own CDs, DVDs etc. Again even so, some may go missing.

I took in some personal things of my mother's ahead of time. Vases of artificial flowers, her bowling trophies, some books, whatever will make the room seem more like her own on her arrival. Photos I held back on until I could get duplicates made, again for usual reason, but you may have time to do that beforehand.

Don't take in anything valuable or irreplaceable. That includes jewellery.


Re Settling in.
Some Homes recommend leaving visiting for up to a week initially to allow them to settle to the new routine. However you can probably gauge that for your self: whether your mother will realise you're not visiting and be stressed or whether she will cope without.

One most important IMO is the 'THIS is ME' document giving some information about your mother, family, hobbies and interests, food prefernces /hates, current abilities and any 'emotional triggers to be avoided etc.

There are loads more things to think about and no doubt others will contribute more.

 

[Marcelle123]

I agree with 'label everything'. Also - get lots & lots of knickers, socks & smalls.

Mum had a wall clock in her home & as the care home is new and the walls bare, I got the handyman to put a nail in so it could go up in her room as it keeps her a bit more clued-up as to the day.

I also blue-tacked a poster outside the room which said 'Margaret's Room' with a photo of my mother. Not that it stops her going into other people's rooms but it's something to refer to when putting her right.

On the inside of the door I blue-tacked a poster with a photo of the care home and its name and location.

Most of the books Mum can cope with now are big ones with pictures. I bought a large plastic box to put on the desk as they were always falling out of book troughs. Again, all the books are named but I am happy if they get shared round the care home. I look for new picture books in second hand shops - breeds of cats, breeds of dogs, scenic views of Britain and so on. I also have made copies of Mum's photos and put them in scrap books for her with short captions - all original photos are with me.

I also left dominoes, cards & a song-book in Mum's room. We used these a lot when Mum lived near me, and my sister uses them a lot when she visits. But I've come to the view that the best thing is just to 'be in Mum's company' rather than to fill my visits with activities, which can tire her and make her fractious.

I put toothpaste, shampoo, soap, scent & stuff in Mum's room and as there's a fund for Mum kept by the care home office, I thought that the staff would just replace them. Then last week I was told there was no toothpaste left & found out that I should replace it myself, or else leave it for a 'key worker' to purchase replacements. But as that would have left Mum without toothpaste for a few days, I am now looking more carefully at her bathroom needs.
So it might be a good idea to find out what they do about that in your Mum's care home.

I visited every day to start off with but it only encouraged Mum to grumble instead of settling and eventually I fell ill with the strain. Now I visit 3 or 4 times a week, because I live near. But every person is different - I'd advise you to play it by ear, see how your Mum is on visits, and ask the staff.

Very best of luck.